Advice regarding a senior's caretaker and off the books care?

[Anonymous]

Three months ago my mom (87) lives in her home a few states away and has finally agreed to some in-home care. It was a significant win for my brother and I as we had been doing all we can to get more help in place but until recently our mom was not open to it.

We set things up with a local caretaking agency for have someone come by the house two mornings a week as this was all my mom would allow. We figured we would increase the care hours as our mom adjusted (and came to appreciate) having someone in her home. Well, thankfully, our mom really likes the caregiver and now tells us that they are "buddies". This caretaker does seem very good with our mom. We have met her.

Now this caretaker has approached our mom, when neither my brother or I were present, to come an additional morning but not via the agency nor the agreement my mom signed with the agency. My mom will pay the caregiver "under-the-table" for this new additional shift. Upon learning about this my brother and I are quite upset as to us it shows that the caregiver is not an honest person. My mom does not seem bothered for she states, "she is my friend".

My question: is there anything my brother and I should be doing? Asking this caregiver to sign (a non-liability statement)? Any btdt advice would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Let the agency know. They can deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Maybe I’m too suspicious but I’d worry this person would further ingratiate her(him) self and convince your mom to give them larger sums of money.

[Anonymous]

I can’t tell you how many caregivers offer to work off the books. Logically it makes sense to them because it eliminates the middle man and they get to keep all the money. But you lose the insurance of the agency and other protections. Honestly if my mom needed continuing care I’d probably prefer to go this route because you can normally negotiate a win/win. You pay less, they keep more. But it is incredibly common for the caregivers to lobby for a direct hire position. Every contract I’ve signed with an agency prohibits me from poaching them.

[Anonymous]

What you do is pleasantly persuade your mother that it's best if her finances are managed by you and brother. She signs a power of attorney, you take care of disbursements, so she never has to worry about paying bills on time, etc. If there are signs that she's giving gifts or donations inappropriately, you can then discreetly change the password on the accounts and take her credit card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell you how many caregivers offer to work off the books. Logically it makes sense to them because it eliminates the middle man and they get to keep all the money. But you lose the insurance of the agency and other protections. Honestly if my mom needed continuing care I’d probably prefer to go this route because you can normally negotiate a win/win. You pay less, they keep more. But it is incredibly common for the caregivers to lobby for a direct hire position. Every contract I’ve signed with an agency prohibits me from poaching them.

Yes. Please don't report. This person is not abiding by the terms of her contract, perhaps, but it's not proof of dishonesty elsewhere. You can just shelve it for now, and explain that perhaps you can do this in the future.

[Anonymous]

Do not report the caretaker to the agency. A side arrangement can be a financial win-win if you don’t care about not having the insurance coverage, etc. of the agency employer.

I ultimately decided not to go that route, because I did not want to risk the caretaker, getting injured or something and then suing us. But it would definitely be cheaper and/or a way to increase hours of coverage.

It’s super common. Do not write out the caretaker, because she will likely get fired and then your mom will lose someone that she likes. It’s not always easy to find a good fit. Try to understand that caretakers don’t make a huge amount of money and for them a side ideal can be a way to earn more for the hard, vital work that they do.

[Anonymous]

It’s not necessarily a sign of dishonesty, because it is super common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you do is pleasantly persuade your mother that it's best if her finances are managed by you and brother. She signs a power of attorney, you take care of disbursements, so she never has to worry about paying bills on time, etc. If there are signs that she's giving gifts or donations inappropriately, you can then discreetly change the password on the accounts and take her credit card.

OP here. I understand that a power of attorney document/situation is for when the person is mentally incapable of handling their own finances and financial decisions. Our mother has issues walking and getting around physically but is in no way at the point where she is incapable of handling her own financial matters so this is not an option for us.

[Anonymous]

It’s been my experience that this is the best way to find people.

But imo you need to stop using that agency and pay this person directly for all their shifts. Use Homepay or similar.

You really dont want people off the books. But poaching people from agencies is very common

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you do is pleasantly persuade your mother that it's best if her finances are managed by you and brother. She signs a power of attorney, you take care of disbursements, so she never has to worry about paying bills on time, etc. If there are signs that she's giving gifts or donations inappropriately, you can then discreetly change the password on the accounts and take her credit card.

OP here. I understand that a power of attorney document/situation is for when the person is mentally incapable of handling their own finances and financial decisions. Our mother has issues walking and getting around physically but is in no way at the point where she is incapable of handling her own financial matters so this is not an option for us.

No. Any adult can sign one at any time. It's mean allowing someone else to make certain decisions for you and act on your behalf. The wording can be very specific in what that entails, and will depend on the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell you how many caregivers offer to work off the books. Logically it makes sense to them because it eliminates the middle man and they get to keep all the money. But you lose the insurance of the agency and other protections. Honestly if my mom needed continuing care I’d probably prefer to go this route because you can normally negotiate a win/win. You pay less, they keep more. But it is incredibly common for the caregivers to lobby for a direct hire position. Every contract I’ve signed with an agency prohibits me from poaching them.

Yes. Please don't report. This person is not abiding by the terms of her contract, perhaps, but it's not proof of dishonesty elsewhere. You can just shelve it for now, and explain that perhaps you can do this in the future.

How would the OP know this?
Caretaker IS being dishonest to their agency so it is fair to assume the same about their character, no?

[Anonymous]

Is she bonded on insured on her own or only through the agency?

Honestly, the best and safest situation is her being a residential setting. One scam I have heard about twice over the years is an independent caregiver falling on a crack in the side walk or slipping on the tiny bit of ice left after shoveling and then suing.

Also, another thing to watch for is telling sob stories for handouts. That happened to my mom and a friend's mom who got close to the caregiver. Doesn't mean to assume something bad if they are close, but watch out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell you how many caregivers offer to work off the books. Logically it makes sense to them because it eliminates the middle man and they get to keep all the money. But you lose the insurance of the agency and other protections. Honestly if my mom needed continuing care I’d probably prefer to go this route because you can normally negotiate a win/win. You pay less, they keep more. But it is incredibly common for the caregivers to lobby for a direct hire position. Every contract I’ve signed with an agency prohibits me from poaching them.

Yes. Please don't report. This person is not abiding by the terms of her contract, perhaps, but it's not proof of dishonesty elsewhere. You can just shelve it for now, and explain that perhaps you can do this in the future.

How would the OP know this?
Caretaker IS being dishonest to their agency so it is fair to assume the same about their character, no?

No. If you knew anything about human nature.

Also, eldercare can get gnarly. Maybe one day OP will need all the breaks she can get to pay for 24/7 care. That's when agencies get prohibitively expensive and alternatives are the only choice.

[Anonymous]

I’d be concerned about liability without accountability.