Generational differences on marriage

[Anonymous]

Are you over 70, Catholic? I have estranged myself from my parents after I divorced my financially abusive and controlling husband. My mother was completely unsupportive and blamed me for leaving a bad situation. Since she was full of blame and disdain for me at a very scary time as I was trying to survive on my own, I did not ever ask her side of things. I have my own guesses, but considering she never gave me any advice on what to expect from a marriage other than to pick out fine china patterns and crystal, I was pretty surprised how anti-divorce she was. She did not raise us Catholic and I did go to college, so she wasn’t entirely anti-women, although she never approved that I worked after having kids.

That being said… what were the lessons you were taught about marriage if you’re over 70 and Catholic?

[Anonymous]

I’m the product of a mixed marriage- my late silent generation father was Catholic and my late mother was raised Methodist. They should have divorced but my father “didn’t believe in divorce.”

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think the over 70 set is the main DCUM demographic. But ask yourself, how many of your mother's peers got divorced? Then, how many of your mother's Catholic peers got divorced? Just because she didn't talk with you about it doesn't mean it wasn't very ingrained for her.

[Anonymous]

My mother is over 70 and Catholic and divorced my dad, who is similar to your ex. Her parents (who would be over 100 if they were alive) and her siblings who are similar age, were all supportive. They are all (my parents and grandparents) immigrants. They did consider marriage to be a lifetime commitment but understood having to divorce when the spouse is cruel and horrible.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, but my ILs are over 70 and very devout, conservative, daily mass attending Catholics and they seem to be OK with divorce/separation especially if extreme circumstances. One of their DDs was married to alcoholic who was verbally abusive and had a lot of problems- which went on for years. They definitely advocated hard for their DD to leave him (either separate or divorce) but the DD never did. Eventually he died, so that was that. That said, not sure how they would’ve felt about dating/remarriage. There have been very vocal about various issues in the family (marrying outside the church etc) to the point of threatening not to attending weddings…which has caused some family drama over the years. But anyway: even they pushed for their DD to divorce under those circumstances.