Inviter/invitee etiquette

[Anonymous]

If Chris says to Sam, "I'd like to take you out to lunch," and Sam says "Great, I'd like to go to Restaurants X, Y, or Z," do you think this is fine?

I will fess up that I am Chris in this situation, and was a bit taken aback by Sam's taking control of the situation in this way. I had planned to do a little research and offer a few suggestions. It wouldn't occur to me, if I were in Sam's position, to make suggestions without being asked to do so. How would I know what sort of budget was in play? Curious to see if other people think I'm being old-fashioned or if this is actually rude.

[Anonymous]

Sam is rude.
He should have said “ sounds great, what were u thinking?”

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine because Sam might have food allergies or be very picky or whatever. If Sam’s suggestion is really out of Chris’ price range then he can say hey I would love to take you to one of those places but money is tight what about x,y, or z. But really if Chris is too poor that price matters then he shouldn’t be buying people lunch or should at least approach it in a way that says hey I’ve been wanting to try (insert cheap restaurant) world you like to go- my treat.

[Anonymous]

Sam may be coming from trying to make things easy for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine because Sam might have food allergies or be very picky or whatever. If Sam’s suggestion is really out of Chris’ price range then he can say hey I would love to take you to one of those places but money is tight what about x,y, or z. But really if Chris is too poor that price matters then he shouldn’t be buying people lunch or should at least approach it in a way that says hey I’ve been wanting to try (insert cheap restaurant) world you like to go- my treat.

NP. I totally disagree. I know it's a popular stance around here, but I think it's bullshit that if you can't afford to dine anytime you want at the French Laundry you shouldn't eat out. Price matters to absolutely everyone except the very tippy top of income.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the restaurants.

What are the restaurants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine because Sam might have food allergies or be very picky or whatever. If Sam’s suggestion is really out of Chris’ price range then he can say hey I would love to take you to one of those places but money is tight what about x,y, or z. But really if Chris is too poor that price matters then he shouldn’t be buying people lunch or should at least approach it in a way that says hey I’ve been wanting to try (insert cheap restaurant) world you like to go- my treat.

NP. I totally disagree. I know it's a popular stance around here, but I think it's bullshit that if you can't afford to dine anytime you want at the French Laundry you shouldn't eat out. Price matters to absolutely everyone except the very tippy top of income.

should at least approach it in a way that says hey I’ve been wanting to try (insert cheap restaurant) world you like to go- my treat

[Anonymous]

I don't think Sam was rude. If his suggestion doesn't work for you, you can be just as direct as he was.

[Anonymous]

So you didn't have any ideas in mind at all? And you're mad that she gave you some options?

You sound passive and lame. She (rightly) realized this, and tried to steer you in a (any!) direction.

This conversation would have gone differently if you'd suggested a restaurant in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Sam is rude unless he's your client then you do whatever he wants.

[Anonymous]

Fine to suggest. If you are taking them you why can’t they pick.

[Anonymous]

Its borderline, could be rude if it's all really expensive restaurants or something you would object to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sam is rude.
He should have said “ sounds great, what were u thinking?”

This.

[Anonymous]

If you’re inviting someone to lunch then I’m assuming you’re friends or close acquaintances. Chris could respond either “great” or let Sam know if you want to choose or give Sam him, or whatever. If Sam didn’t curse you out; why judge him? There’s no etiquette rule book in how to respond when someone invites you to lunch. Give Sam the benefit of the doubt. It’s 2025! Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine asked me for dating advice and I suggested that he follow the rule of two. Suggest two places you think the person might like, but be open to them making alternate suggestions. (And for after dinner, have two totally different places in mind for the second stop - one energetic, one quiet.) give people options to take some of the work out of it, but be flexible.