How do you talk to your teen about picking at their skin?

[Anonymous]

My daughter’s face for at least a couple of years constantly has large picked wounds or scabs from picking at it. She was not receptive when I talked to her about it. It is *painful* to look at and quite honestly embarrassing. It’s hard to look anywhere else. I know it is costing her socially. We have taken her to a couple of different therapists and the dermatologist. No inprovement. Her acne isn’t that bad but any tiny bump she just picks at and makes 1,000 worse.
Suggestions? Do I just wait for her to decide she wants to fix it?

[Anonymous]

What did she say about the therapist? What did the therapist say? What does she say about it? I don't know what "not receptive" means.

[Anonymous]

Read about body focused repetitive behaviors. There is very little you can do until/unless she wants to stop. Drawing attention to it makes it worse. Being embarrassed by your teen's appearance is itself embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did she say about the therapist? What did the therapist say? What does she say about it? I don't know what "not receptive" means.

Not receptive as in she says “I don’t care” and does not want to talk about it. I truly want to help but feel unable to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read about body focused repetitive behaviors. There is very little you can do until/unless she wants to stop. Drawing attention to it makes it worse. Being embarrassed by your teen's appearance is itself embarrassing.

Fair but whether or not anyone will admit it, they are judging. It’s not hygienic and she’s going to end up with scarring on her face from it.

[Anonymous]

Does she have other indications of anxiety? If so, treating the anxiety while saying nothing about the picking will likely help the picking (and she will likely feel less defensive because it won't feel like you are criticizing her).

[Anonymous]

OP does she have an OCD diagnosis? This therapist talks about skin picking.

Tips for Parents of Pullers & Pickers, featuring Natasha Daniels, Childhood Anxiety Expert

https://habitaware.com/blogs/habitaware-blog/tips-for-parents-of-pullers-pickers-featuring-natasha-daniels-childhood-anxiety-expert?srsltid=AfmBOoqo9fRQqEDnbmfRRtDxePxR4FJfqjsa-wsoyHamGAjZThB3K5ON

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read about body focused repetitive behaviors. There is very little you can do until/unless she wants to stop. Drawing attention to it makes it worse. Being embarrassed by your teen's appearance is itself embarrassing.

Fair but whether or not anyone will admit it, they are judging. It’s not hygienic and she’s going to end up with scarring on her face from it.

If she doesn't want to fix it but it's important to you, I would bribe her. You can say "hey, I get that this isn't important to you. And it's your face. And I love and support you no matter what you do to your face. But I am your mom, and I'm worried about the scarring and people judging you and I just feel bad about it. Is there anything I could do to incentivize you to try to stop?"

Alternatively, I think you could require her to go to therapy. Say "I know you don't care about the face picking, but I think it's a symptom of a problem and I need to you to at least be meeting with a therapist about it regularly because I'm your mom and that's what I need to feel like I'm taking care of you."

[Anonymous]

Just gently slap her hand away each time she's picking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read about body focused repetitive behaviors. There is very little you can do until/unless she wants to stop. Drawing attention to it makes it worse. Being embarrassed by your teen's appearance is itself embarrassing.

Fair but whether or not anyone will admit it, they are judging. It’s not hygienic and she’s going to end up with scarring on her face from it.

Maybe, but you won't fix that through nagging and you'll only hurt your relationship.

[Anonymous]

My DS has struggled with Trichotillomania. I’m no expert but I believe skin picking can be adjacent to this. We’ve tried a lot of things, including a watch that buzzes every time he makes that repetitive movements. It didn’t work FWIW.

Because we were weren’t getting help from any professionals (there was shoulder shrugging), I went down the supplement route. Supplements are not my style at all but we were desperate. We found something that did work with research behind it and I know there are other options we didn’t try, also with research. I’m not going to recommend them here because I didn’t look up skin picking specifically. Try the special needs forum. There isn’t a ton of stuff out there on this but there is definitely some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read about body focused repetitive behaviors. There is very little you can do until/unless she wants to stop. Drawing attention to it makes it worse. Being embarrassed by your teen's appearance is itself embarrassing.

Fair but whether or not anyone will admit it, they are judging. It’s not hygienic and she’s going to end up with scarring on her face from it.

Maybe, but you won't fix that through nagging and you'll only hurt your relationship.

Right. I have literally said nothing for two years (kind of venting here) hoping for some improvement (none) and she heads off to college soon. I honestly feel kind of negligent not addressing it but can’t say anything. Sounds like I just continue to ignore it.
The therapist she sees doesn’t address it. Also seems to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP does she have an OCD diagnosis? This therapist talks about skin picking.

Tips for Parents of Pullers & Pickers, featuring Natasha Daniels, Childhood Anxiety Expert

https://habitaware.com/blogs/habitaware-blog/tips-for-parents-of-pullers-pickers-featuring-natasha-daniels-childhood-anxiety-expert?srsltid=AfmBOoqo9fRQqEDnbmfRRtDxePxR4FJfqjsa-wsoyHamGAjZThB3K5ON

No OCD. She does have anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS has struggled with Trichotillomania. I’m no expert but I believe skin picking can be adjacent to this. We’ve tried a lot of things, including a watch that buzzes every time he makes that repetitive movements. It didn’t work FWIW.

Because we were weren’t getting help from any professionals (there was shoulder shrugging), I went down the supplement route. Supplements are not my style at all but we were desperate. We found something that did work with research behind it and I know there are other options we didn’t try, also with research. I’m not going to recommend them here because I didn’t look up skin picking specifically. Try the special needs forum. There isn’t a ton of stuff out there on this but there is definitely some.

Yes we’ve mainly gotten shoulder shrugging and “stop picking at your skin” from the dermatologist. Is it NAC? I actually bought some to try but she didn’t consistently take it. Did the supplements work for your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP does she have an OCD diagnosis? This therapist talks about skin picking.

Tips for Parents of Pullers & Pickers, featuring Natasha Daniels, Childhood Anxiety Expert

https://habitaware.com/blogs/habitaware-blog/tips-for-parents-of-pullers-pickers-featuring-natasha-daniels-childhood-anxiety-expert?srsltid=AfmBOoqo9fRQqEDnbmfRRtDxePxR4FJfqjsa-wsoyHamGAjZThB3K5ON

No OCD. She does have anxiety.

Is the anxiety well controlled? She may need medicine as well as therapy. NAC is a supplement that many have had success with for picking, although it didn't help us. Increasing the dose of SSRI did.