Not Sure Who She Is Anymore

[Anonymous]

I found out my wife’s been flirting with a couple of guys I golf with. At first, I thought maybe they were exaggerating, guys being guys, reading too much into things. Then one of the wives told me point blank: my wife hooked up with her husband. Yeah. That one hit like a punch to the chest. I’ve been trying to make this marriage work. She travels all the time, and when she’s home, it’s like she’s somewhere else. She barely spends any time with our kid, that part hurts the most. I’m the one doing school drop-offs, dinners, bedtime stories. She always has an excuse to not be around.
I kept telling myself she was just stressed or burnt out. But now? I still want to believe we can fix this, for our kid, for the years we’ve built together. But I’m also starting to wonder if I’m the only one still trying. Would you stay and try to fix it for the family?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I found out my wife’s been flirting with a couple of guys I golf with. At first, I thought maybe they were exaggerating, guys being guys, reading too much into things. Then one of the wives told me point blank: my wife hooked up with her husband. Yeah. That one hit like a punch to the chest. I’ve been trying to make this marriage work. She travels all the time, and when she’s home, it’s like she’s somewhere else. She barely spends any time with our kid, that part hurts the most. I’m the one doing school drop-offs, dinners, bedtime stories. She always has an excuse to not be around.
I kept telling myself she was just stressed or burnt out. But now? I still want to believe we can fix this, for our kid, for the years we’ve built together. But I’m also starting to wonder if I’m the only one still trying. [b]Would you stay and try to fix it for the family?[/b][/quote]

Of course. No fault divorces ruined millions of relationships. When you make a commitment, you stick it out, better or worse.

That aside, sounds like you need to up your man-game and be more assertive, dominant, and masculine. She's obviously seeking all that elsewhere.

If you want to try swinging, "to save your marriage" then it's already doomed. If you want to try swinging after dealing with these issues, then that's a possibility, but it won't save a marriage, only accentuate what's already there.

[Anonymous]

This is not your fault. If she was unhappy, it was on her to come to you.


I’d see a therapist, OP. If you want to save your marriage, you have a much better chance with professional help.

[Anonymous]

You married a broken little girl, I did the same and am so sorry for you. Don’t stay for the kids like I did. Consult a lawyer and a PI and file. She is not the woman you married anymore and has already broken her vows.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I found out my wife’s been flirting with a couple of guys I golf with. At first, I thought maybe they were exaggerating, guys being guys, reading too much into things. Then one of the wives told me point blank: my wife hooked up with her husband. Yeah. That one hit like a punch to the chest. I’ve been trying to make this marriage work. She travels all the time, and when she’s home, it’s like she’s somewhere else. She barely spends any time with our kid, that part hurts the most. I’m the one doing school drop-offs, dinners, bedtime stories. She always has an excuse to not be around.
I kept telling myself she was just stressed or burnt out. But now? I still want to believe we can fix this, for our kid, for the years we’ve built together. But I’m also starting to wonder if I’m the only one still trying. Would you stay and try to fix it for the family?[/quote]
You can’t fix your marriage single-handedly. Does she know that you know?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I found out my wife’s been flirting with a couple of guys I golf with. At first, I thought maybe they were exaggerating, guys being guys, reading too much into things. Then one of the wives told me point blank: my wife hooked up with her husband. Yeah. That one hit like a punch to the chest. I’ve been trying to make this marriage work. She travels all the time, and when she’s home, it’s like she’s somewhere else. She barely spends any time with our kid, that part hurts the most. I’m the one doing school drop-offs, dinners, bedtime stories. She always has an excuse to not be around.
I kept telling myself she was just stressed or burnt out. But now? I still want to believe we can fix this, for our kid, for the years we’ve built together. But I’m also starting to wonder if I’m the only one still trying. Would you stay and try to fix it for the family?[/quote]
You can’t fix your marriage single-handedly. Does she know that you know?[/quote]
You're right, you can't fix a marriage on your own. And no, she doesn't know I know yet. What makes it harder is that it wasn’t just some random guy, it was someone from my own group, guys I golf with, people I considered friends. That betrayal cuts both ways. I'm still trying to figure out how to even bring it up without things spiraling, especially with our kid caught in all this.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not try to fix it; the betrayal is too egregious. You could never trust her again. She lacks integrity and morals. I am sympathetic to the fact that humans are flawed and do not tend to vilify but in this case - with your friends, in an arbitrary way, just trying to hook up with anyone - I guess it could reflect a mental health break. Any other signs of manic behavior, etc?

[Anonymous]

Also - is this out of character, in terms of your long history together? How long has she been distant? What was it like before that?

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t spend any time with your kid, where is your child while you are golfing?

[Anonymous]

Should have been better in the bedroom!

I'm joking - this is what people post when genders are reversed.

You confront her, and then you decide together whether this marriage is salvageable.

In my humble opinion, this marriage cannot survive, just because she cheated with a friend/acquaintance. If she'd had an affair with an anonymous person from her work travels, it would be easier to forget, because you don't have any reminders in your regular life. But affairs in your own circle? Those are the worse.

[Anonymous]

No way did all this happen, and you already posted in another thread.

[Anonymous]

Fake post!

[Anonymous]

Divorce. Sounds like you're a single parent now anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You married a broken little girl, I did the same and am so sorry for you. Don’t stay for the kids like I did. Consult a lawyer and a PI and file. She is not the woman you married anymore and has already broken her vows.

Good advice. Your wife probably has bipolar. Leave don’t subject your kid to her.

[Anonymous]

What an idiot. It’s over dude. Cut your losses and move on.