Dads may be most helpful

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mother with an awkward problem. DS (15) is a swimmer. He really enjoys it. However, he recently told me he's thinking of quitting the team. I asked why. Turns out, he feels uncomfortable and embarrassed with the swimsuits (they wear Speedos) and locker rooms, as he feels that his private bits are not as developed as those of his friends. He has annual check-ups, and I'm sure his doctor would have pointed out if something was medically wrong; from what I can tell he's going through puberty normally. Since there's no dad in the picture to talk to him about this, I'm at a loss for what to do. I mean, no guy wants to talk to his mom about his genitals. However, I don't want him to quit a hobby he loves, or to go around with this insecurity. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Well can't give a dad's perspective, but I'd definitely not talk about it too much, would make it worse.

Basically say something like "teens are always ribbing and teasing each other to establish dominance over others, or just out of spite or rudeness, and doesn't mean anything personal."
Even the biggest kids are called wimps at times, or the smartest kids are called morons. "Locker-room talk" part of growing up.

[Anonymous]

Dad here and I doubt my "son" (have 2 teen daughters) would want to talk to me about it either. Hang in there and possibly reassure him that we all have insecurities.

I do think this could possibly just be a reason for justifying quitting the team and letting you down softly. He knows you won't follow up and it's a convenient excuse.

Either way, just support what he's feeling because there's really not a whole lot you can practically do in this situation.

[Anonymous]

A dad wouldn’t help in this situation. He has to deal with it on his own. I have two teen boys and one’s a swimmer and one’s a wrestler. They both see more than they want to see and have found ways to stay more modest. “Comparisons” are natural but you can’t take it too seriously. Sounds like he wants to quit swimming and is using this as a reason.

[Anonymous]

Maybe someone can tell him about growers vs showers. Maybe not you, but someone.

[Anonymous]

I doubt that this is an excuse he's making up to quit, I don't think a teen boy would tell his mother that he feels his penis is small if he could at all help it. I'd tell him about how locker room comparisons are not always accurate, and remind him that everyone has body image concerns so he's not alone. Lastly, agree with PP who was talking about modesty- maybe suggest that if he's uncomfortable with having his clothes off around his friends, he cover himself with a towel.

[Anonymous]

Boys go through puberty at different rates. He might be in an earlier stage of puberty than some of his friends. Maybe have him look up the Tanner scale?

[Anonymous]

This reads like a perv/troll post.

The boys on the swim teams wear bike short style swimsuits and none of them get nakednin front of each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reads like a perv/troll post.

The boys on the swim teams wear bike short style swimsuits and none of them get nakednin front of each other.

You are a mom who does not have an older kid on swim team.