Do your kids keep in touch with their friends over the summer?

[Anonymous]

DD is going into 7th grade. Mix of friends who have and don’t have phones, but all have iPad access. No neighborhood friends. During the school year, she had an active social life with multiple people and groups - sleepovers, plans to meet up or go to someone’s house, group and individual chats online, lots of stories to share with us about her friends.

Since summer started, she has basically communicated with no one. And, I don’t know that many have with her either, outside of general group chat messages. She seems totally fine with it, but is this how kids are these days? It feels awkward to me, especially as she goes into middle school and also has a summer birthday in a couple weeks. Shouldn’t there be some level of contact? (Not that I can make that happen, just wondering if this is common or maybe something else is going on.)

[Anonymous]

No neighborhood kids here. This is a weird age where kids are with families, away vacationing, or in different camps. There's very little contact with school friends because of schedules. So it's common.

But if they have particularly nice school friends then you can orchestrate something. Just encourage them to text or text the parents if you have the contact. Try to set up one thing over the summer. Just one will be a success, I promise!

[Anonymous]

DC does not and there are few other kids on our street.

[Anonymous]

Mine is going into 8th. No not really. 2 friends she had seen big really because I’m also friends with the parents.

[Anonymous]

Common for our kids to slow their social calendars.

[Anonymous]

My grandsons see their friends from school almost every day. It's easier since we live in the city and their schools are 1 and 5 blocks away. Plus all their friends live within 5 blocks of each other. My 13 year old grandson will go play basketball in the park where it seems everyone goes and the 7 year old has a friend 2 houses down so there either outside or running into each other's houses.

[Anonymous]

It's more difficult for them when they are young, unless they live within walking distance to each other.

Once teens are driving and have their own vehicle, then they socialize more.

[Anonymous]

It is common for the age, IME.

Kids are beyond the age where parents are arranging the plans, but sometimes not yet quite to the age where they independently make plans unless the friends are in the neighborhood or it is a BFF type of situation.

Add in the fact that some don’t have cell phones just yet, and many being in and out of town on vacation or at camp, and it gets tricky.

During the day, most don’t do traditional day camps anymore & socialize that way.

It is a very transitional age. I would not read too much into it. Sounds pretty normal.

Do make sure DD realizes she can invite friends over (or include them in a family outing) , you are willing to drive/pickup if needed, and that sort of thing. But don’t push it to the degree she thinks you are worried about it (which will rub off on her).

[Anonymous]

My soon to be 7th grader has not hung out with her friends. I’ve offered to help plan outings but she is happy to have a break from friends. She’s very social during the year and I think the summer provides a natural break from some of the middle school social stress. She does have day camps and cousin time sprinkled throughout so is still socializing.

[Anonymous]

My rising 7th hasn’t done much socializing with school friends either. I actually prefer it that way - we are reestablishing our family unit and doing things together and it feels nice without the influence of peers.

[Anonymous]

At that age - mine did with their two closest friends (who lived close anyway) but the rest kinda fell off. This is why it’s good to have neighborhood friends.

I’d at least encourage connecting with whoever the bestie is - I’d say it’s surprising for a girl to not speak to any of her friends over the summer. Did they hang out outside school ? It’s possible if they are new friends to her this year that she wasn’t able to cement them in as close friends. Which happens - and why a lot of kids will go back to grade school friends in the summer out of convenience more than anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandsons see their friends from school almost every day. It's easier since we live in the city and their schools are 1 and 5 blocks away. Plus all their friends live within 5 blocks of each other. My 13 year old grandson will go play basketball in the park where it seems everyone goes and the 7 year old has a friend 2 houses down so there either outside or running into each other's houses.

Yes this. I think this “my kids don’t see their friends in the summer” is more common at private or charter schools. None of the kids I know (who aren’t struggling socially) have this issue at any age bc they all go to their neighborhood schools.

[Anonymous]

Summer is hard for socializing. Kids are away on vacation and family outings, or involved with sports or camps and not on their phones as much.

My rising 8th grader’s best friend goes out of the country every summer to see family, and his other best friend has a family camp up north, so he’s a little at loose ends. We’re using the time to do more things as a family. He enjoys solo time going on bike rides, reading, baking, and practicing his instrument. Usually there’s at least one or two neighborhood kids to hang out with. Sometimes he’ll text other friends to meet up at the local library or playground. It’s normal, and good for kids to slow down and shift gears socially every now and then.

[Anonymous]

My kid is going into 8th and getting together in the afternoons 3-4 days a week to go to the pool. They text and set these up themselves. Last year it didn't seem so active.

[Anonymous]

At the beginning of the summer there were no meet ups because most of my daughter’s friends were on vacation. They still continued to text and FaceTime. People are back now and she’s been out with them a few times.