DH has a "vision board" of other women

[Anonymous]

I picked up a covered notepad from an old work-related event -- it had my work's logo, and I opened it without thinking much.

DH had a whole hand-written kind of vision board type thing. But with words and sentences rather than pictures. He's into manifestation stuff.

But one of the things he's hoping for is to be "pursued by many beautiful women."

It doesn't hurt my feelings -- our marriage isn't great. It literally just made me laugh out loud. It's just such a loser approach to life (for him -- manifestation and vision board stuff works for others!).

I say it's a loser thing for him because none of his visions including contributing more equally to our household (he's been unemployed for a while). None of it included being a better spouse or anything related to his real life.

He literally wants to open a restaurant on the beach and be "pursued by many beautiful women." (He doesnt have the money, experience, or executive functioning skills to open a restaurant on the beach.)

Sigh. This is why he can't or won't get his shit together in lots of areas -- he gets lost in imagining some future where he has stuff or a lifestyle or a relationship that he won't actually work toward in the here and now.

He's had a handful of inappropriate "relationships" online -- texting or FB messaging with women he went to high school or college with decades ago. (They haven't seen each other because these people are in another country.) When I've seen a couple of these messages, he's trying to be flirtatious and even sexually suggestive, but the women generally seem like they are just humoring him.

This stuff just makes me feel sorry for him in a way, but I know I should feel bad. Like I just roll my eyes.

[Anonymous]

And you’re together because…

[Anonymous]

Creepy and you’re okay with this nonsense?

[Anonymous]

I don't think there's anything wrong with daydreaming. I daydream about having relationships with famous men, about being a doctor, accepting an Emmy, having dinner with famous people I admire. I love daydreaming and will defend it forever. My dream of being a doctor is completely unrealistic - I'm not smart enough to get into let alone through med school, never mind boards. Nothing wrong with dreaming of things you're incapable of achieving.

But flirting with women when married is completely unacceptable. Refusing to contribute to the household you share with someone is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Creepy and you’re okay with this nonsense?

OP here.

No, I'm not OK with it exactly. I have firm plans to leave next summer when my youngest starts school. Preschool tuition is killing me until then. (We're not a high income family, so I have to approach this rationally.)

But I feel like I SHOULD care more, I guess. This just reminds me why he's so frustrating and has been for some years now.

I almost feel sorry for him in a weird way.

[Anonymous]

You've outgrown him. Spend some time trying to figure out why you chose him to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Well hopefully this just adds more to the list if you ever start to second guess if you should divorce him or not. Hope you're not still having sex.

[Anonymous]

Why are you still w/this man OP??

He is not only unemployed, but he openly flirts/communicates w/other women too?!

🤯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Creepy and you’re okay with this nonsense?

OP here.

No, I'm not OK with it exactly. I have firm plans to leave next summer when my youngest starts school. Preschool tuition is killing me until then. (We're not a high income family, so I have to approach this rationally.)

But I feel like I SHOULD care more, I guess. This just reminds me why he's so frustrating and has been for some years now.

I almost feel sorry for him in a weird way.

I'm so glad you have an exit strategy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you still w/this man OP??

He is not only unemployed, but he openly flirts/communicates w/other women too?!

🤯

Low self esteem and immaturity

[Anonymous]

You gotta get him working at any job otherwise you might be paying him alimony. Consult a lawyer now.

[Anonymous]

He sounds pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I don't really disagree with the view that he's pathetic, or something similar, but I wonder why he's doing this. He may be getting some very negative, dismissive vibes from OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really disagree with the view that he's pathetic, or something similar, but I wonder why he's doing this. He may be getting some very negative, dismissive vibes from OP.

Yeah freeloading (unemployed while his spouse pays for daycare) tends to make people feel pretty negative and dismissive about you…

[Anonymous]

Guy here.He’s watching YouTube influencers/course peddlers. lLikr the Beast Nation goof ball, who sells courses and training to lazy morons on how to become a true DB.