Upcoming anniversary of solemn event?

[Anonymous]

I’m coming upon the anniversary of a very solemn event. I’m feeling a pull to do something in acknowledgement of everything I’ve gone through, while also not wanting to allow it to take any more time than it’s already taken over this past year.

I keep replaying the days, thinking of where I was on this or that day, how this upcoming day was the last day things were “normal”, and how I had no idea. At the same time, I’m proud of myself and how I feel like a stronger person after all of this. So how to I commemorate this and put this past year to bed?

[Anonymous]

That was today for me. I did nothing I wouldn't have ordinarily done.

[Anonymous]

Was it a death? Job loss? House fire? More context would help.

[Anonymous]

I let my one year cancer-versary come and go without fanfare. But OP, I think it sounds like you have unfinished business and this passage of time is prompting you to examine it, so I would do that. I've learned from having cancer that some people do not process a negative thing until later, when it feels safer. Rhetorical question: have you actually processed this? Because even your question sounds-- I say this gently-- like you're trying to figure out where to put your emotions. The only path away from them is through them.

[Anonymous]

There’s no right or wrong here and you need to do what feels right for you. My mother talks about it a lot. She remembers the date and needs to talk through it in great detail, what she was doing before, what others were, outfits she was wearing when something happened, the meal that was being eaten… I think it helps her process it. Sometimes she will say she can’t eat it again, like in a way that meal was related.

I’m the opposite and when something happens, I seem to almost black out the date. The day will come and go in future years and I will not acknowledge it.

Neither are right or wrong. We process differently.

[Anonymous]

And adding to my post- I hope you find peace with what you are going through.

[Anonymous]

The first year I just kind of did a low key pamper day. Got my favorite take out, had some wine, popped in some campy horror movies (my go to distraction type movies). This was back when I was single but I feel like I would have done the same if DH was in the picture.

From then on, I just try to look at where I've come from that and the good things in my life that have come from how that event spiraled me into a different direction. I likely wouldn't have met DH, who is a wonderful man and I'm so incredibly lucky. I wouldn't have felt forced to move, which wouldn't have led me to a job which changed my career path completely and I'm doing something I never thought I would do and I love it.

What I experienced was miserable and awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It changed my life, but I just try to concentrate on the positive ways it did.

[Anonymous]

I get a small bouquet of flowers, a picture or symbolic symbol of the event, and a small beeswax candle. I put it on a nice tray on a table or counter. I close my eyes, say/think a few kind thoughts, and light the candle. I let the candle burn until it goes out. I go about my business in the room/house, I don’t stand or sit there waiting for it to go out.

[Anonymous]

I get a small bouquet of flowers, a picture or symbolic symbol of the event, and a small beeswax candle. I put it on a nice tray on a table or counter. I close my eyes, say/think a few kind thoughts, and light the candle. I let the candle burn until it goes out. I go about my business in the room/house, I don’t stand or sit there waiting for it to go out.

Just a candle can work too.

[Anonymous]

For a long time, like years, I kept thinking "a year before X we were... , two years before..., we did Y a month before X..." That kind of thing. It got obsessive. It didn't let me process past a point.
I am a look-back person. Checking FB memories etc.
DH does not like to look back. He looks ahead resolutely. He experienced X too. It took him a long time but he's processed it for his closure. Took me longer because I kept replaying the past.
I like the candle idea.
One thing I do with trauma, worries, pain is write them in a list, turn them over to the universe to release them, burn the list.