Did you put on a front around people at the beginning of your divorce?

[Anonymous]

We saw friends this weekend for the Fourth. It’s been a while since we’ve seen them, and we noticed immediately that something was off. This couple is usually really ‘touchy feely’, but this time it seemed they were going out of their way to avoid each other. Looking back, not once were they standing together the whole night. It was really out of place for them. My husband later told me that the husband confessed that they’ve been having some problems for a while and things aren’t great. No mention of the D word, but I wonder? If you aren’t actively working on things (avoidance/coldness, even at fun social events), is this a sign of impending divorce? Everyone is now speculating, his admission did nothing to help (he told most of the other husbands) and now I am wondering why she didn’t just stay home and pretend to be sick? Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just start polling all your mutual friends and placing bets!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just start polling all your mutual friends and placing bets!

I’m not uncouth! That’s what anonymous message boards are for!

[Anonymous]

In our case, this was exactly what happened. We were really toeing the line, and had a big family event. I wanted to stay home, why pretend, but we couldn't think of a believable excuse (somehow “she’s sick” felt like the lie it was) and felt like everyone would know. Turns out, they “knew” anyway when we came and the vibe was off. Everyone picked up on it right away. In a way it was helpful, like a divorce ice breaker, and so when we announced, no one was surprised.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps he cheated. She’s doing it for the kids until she figures out if she wants to stay. Who knows. Not your business.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is not a big deal.
No need for front anything with my friends. You must be just acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

Yes because we weren’t sure where things would land ourselves and didn’t need to drag everyone into it until we were sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB

+1

[Anonymous]

Are you interested in the husband? Jealous of the wife? You seem to have an agenda here.

[Anonymous]

Everyone likes gossip, but this is pathetic. It's like you're so invested in whether they are getting divorced (clearly you want them to) that you're spending even more time speculating on an anonymous forum, as if there is some sort of general pattern that you're going to get from the data on here. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone likes gossip, but this is pathetic. It's like you're so invested in whether they are getting divorced (clearly you want them to) that you're spending even more time speculating on an anonymous forum, as if there is some sort of general pattern that you're going to get from the data on here. Get a life.

Ditto. Get a life and stop being catty. You do care OP—too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone likes gossip, but this is pathetic. It's like you're so invested in whether they are getting divorced (clearly you want them to) that you're spending even more time speculating on an anonymous forum, as if there is some sort of general pattern that you're going to get from the data on here. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he cheated. She’s doing it for the kids until she figures out if she wants to stay. Who knows. Not your business.

Agreed. But maybe she cheated and he’s pinging the other husbands to gauge whether he’ll have support if he leaves her or whether the wives will push them to cut him off.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I went to the 7/4 party yesterday, and nobody could have noticed that I was leaving him on 7/5. We didn’t tell anybody who attended, and we acted normally. I’m now 500 miles away from our house in a rental apartment. Declared independence from my husband on Independence Day!