Friend was mean in person but still follows and likes my posts

[Anonymous]

The last time I hung out with this friend, she was so catty and passive aggressive that I decided to not be anything other than pleasant professional acquaintances with her. I had asked her if she was upset about anything and she swore no. The things she said were somewhat hurtful and I’m not a drama queen, I gave her a chance to talk and she declined. So I didn’t unfriend her but muted her posts so I could focus on other friendships and her stuff wouldn’t be top of my algorithm anymore.

I can see she still views all my stories and likes some of my posts. This doesn’t change anything for me. I find it all very imature. Just wondering for people who are like this… what exactly is going through your mind? Why claim nothing is wrong, act really rude in person, then continue to follow or like posts by someone?

[Anonymous]

Clearly the exchange you had in person did not resonate with her in the same way it did with you. Perhaps you should have been clearer that you found her remarks offensive.

[Anonymous]

Remove her as your friend on SM
Why didn’t you as result of her being rude & nasty?

[Anonymous]

When the interaction occurred did you react in the moment? "Ouch, that was a little hurtful"

[Anonymous]

She's just egging you on.

[Anonymous]

My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remove her as your friend on SM
Why didn’t you as result of her being rude & nasty?

OP here. Because I’ve learned in the past unfriending is a big deal to people. I just mute her stuff so it no longer comes up when I’m on it. No need to be dramatic and if I need to check it for something (our kids go to same school and she’s in PTA and we run in the crossing professional circles) I will keep access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remove her as your friend on SM
Why didn’t you as result of her being rude & nasty?

OP here. Because I’ve learned in the past unfriending is a big deal to people. I just mute her stuff so it no longer comes up when I’m on it. No need to be dramatic and if I need to check it for something (our kids go to same school and she’s in PTA and we run in the crossing professional circles) I will keep access.

So you're the bully who follows/lurks to "keep access". Got it. Thanks for clarifying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remove her as your friend on SM
Why didn’t you as result of her being rude & nasty?

OP here. Because I’ve learned in the past unfriending is a big deal to people. I just mute her stuff so it no longer comes up when I’m on it. No need to be dramatic and if I need to check it for something (our kids go to same school and she’s in PTA and we run in the crossing professional circles) I will keep access.

So you're the bully who follows/lurks to "keep access". Got it. Thanks for clarifying

OP. I’ve noticed some people like to switch around the blame. I actually got this woman her connection to a job and she has only been catty and unsupportive in my career goals. I am slightly older and don’t have time for drama or petty people - I’ve had mostly supportive caring friendships with women and thought this was one of them until it was not. My job is serious and I care more about public service than my social media presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last time I hung out with this friend, she was so catty and passive aggressive that I decided to not be anything other than pleasant professional acquaintances with her. I had asked her if she was upset about anything and she swore no. The things she said were somewhat hurtful and I’m not a drama queen, I gave her a chance to talk and she declined. So I didn’t unfriend her but muted her posts so I could focus on other friendships and her stuff wouldn’t be top of my algorithm anymore.

I can see she still views all my stories and likes some of my posts. This doesn’t change anything for me. I find it all very imature. Just wondering for people who are like this… what exactly is going through your mind? Why claim nothing is wrong, act really rude in person, then continue to follow or like posts by someone?

She was passive aggressive?

You sound passive aggressive AF, OP. You didn't address whatever behavior you found bothersome (which, given how overreactive and dramatic your post is was probably a total nothingburger), then you asked her if she had a problem (rather than being honest that YOU had a problem). You then claim you "gave her a chance to talk", i.e. to read your mind that you were upset despite you not actually saying anything about it, and she declined, because she's not the problem here. Now you muted her posts, which she doesn't know about, and you're upset that she's still casually interacting with your content, probably because she doesn't know what a drama queen you are. All of this because "unfriending causes drama".

Lordy, you are a mess and a half!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remove her as your friend on SM
Why didn’t you as result of her being rude & nasty?

OP here. Because I’ve learned in the past unfriending is a big deal to people. I just mute her stuff so it no longer comes up when I’m on it. No need to be dramatic and if I need to check it for something (our kids go to same school and she’s in PTA and we run in the crossing professional circles) I will keep access.

So you're the bully who follows/lurks to "keep access". Got it. Thanks for clarifying

OP. I’ve noticed some people like to switch around the blame. I actually got this woman her connection to a job and she has only been catty and unsupportive in my career goals. I am slightly older and don’t have time for drama or petty people - I’ve had mostly supportive caring friendships with women and thought this was one of them until it was not. My job is serious and I care more about public service than my social media presence.

Ah, so she owes you? She didn't kiss your ass enough? She didn't honor the invisible contract your "help" came with?

Nah, you're highlighting the problem: you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is for you, OP: What goes through the mind of someone who is treated rudely but still keeps contact with that person on social media? Like what’s the thinking behind giving that person access to what’s going on in your life after they were disrespectful to you?

I can see being professional when I’m around them in person, but I’m baffled by the decision to continue to give them access to my life through social media. People who are rude or mean to me don’t get to know about my life, what I like, etc. Can you shed some light on that?

OP here. This is what goes through my mind:

- I don’t want to be friends with this person but if I unfriend her people will notice (we have mutual people) and it will cause drama. Either with her or via gossip, neither of which I want. Both of us are in public-facing roles in a small town.
- I will mute things so her stuff is no longer in my algorithm.
- My account is private and I only share personal thoughts in my “close friends” stories. Other than that, my posts are of my kids and my hikes in nature, books I’m reading. Nothing too personal that she could use for or against me.

PP are you unaware that an “unfriending” is a big deal for social media addicts? This is as close to the slow fade I can do without causing drama…

DP Funnily enough, your answer seems to also be the answer to the question you posed. Your "friend" is a jerk, but also somewhat wants to keep the peace a bit since you're both in the same circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time I hung out with this friend, she was so catty and passive aggressive that I decided to not be anything other than pleasant professional acquaintances with her. I had asked her if she was upset about anything and she swore no. The things she said were somewhat hurtful and I’m not a drama queen, I gave her a chance to talk and she declined. So I didn’t unfriend her but muted her posts so I could focus on other friendships and her stuff wouldn’t be top of my algorithm anymore.

I can see she still views all my stories and likes some of my posts. This doesn’t change anything for me. I find it all very imature. Just wondering for people who are like this… what exactly is going through your mind? Why claim nothing is wrong, act really rude in person, then continue to follow or like posts by someone?

She was passive aggressive?

You sound passive aggressive AF, OP. You didn't address whatever behavior you found bothersome (which, given how overreactive and dramatic your post is was probably a total nothingburger), then you asked her if she had a problem (rather than being honest that YOU had a problem). You then claim you "gave her a chance to talk", i.e. to read your mind that you were upset despite you not actually saying anything about it, and she declined, because she's not the problem here. Now you muted her posts, which she doesn't know about, and you're upset that she's still casually interacting with your content, probably because she doesn't know what a drama queen you are. All of this because "unfriending causes drama".

Lordy, you are a mess and a half!

DP I'm fairly new to DCUM. Are you a troll or do you genuinely feel this way? Why are some of you so hostile to people like the OP? Maybe she isn't telling the full story, but it's a lot to start claiming she's the reason behind the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time I hung out with this friend, she was so catty and passive aggressive that I decided to not be anything other than pleasant professional acquaintances with her. I had asked her if she was upset about anything and she swore no. The things she said were somewhat hurtful and I’m not a drama queen, I gave her a chance to talk and she declined. So I didn’t unfriend her but muted her posts so I could focus on other friendships and her stuff wouldn’t be top of my algorithm anymore.

I can see she still views all my stories and likes some of my posts. This doesn’t change anything for me. I find it all very imature. Just wondering for people who are like this… what exactly is going through your mind? Why claim nothing is wrong, act really rude in person, then continue to follow or like posts by someone?

She was passive aggressive?

You sound passive aggressive AF, OP. You didn't address whatever behavior you found bothersome (which, given how overreactive and dramatic your post is was probably a total nothingburger), then you asked her if she had a problem (rather than being honest that YOU had a problem). You then claim you "gave her a chance to talk", i.e. to read your mind that you were upset despite you not actually saying anything about it, and she declined, because she's not the problem here. Now you muted her posts, which she doesn't know about, and you're upset that she's still casually interacting with your content, probably because she doesn't know what a drama queen you are. All of this because "unfriending causes drama".

Lordy, you are a mess and a half!

DP I'm fairly new to DCUM. Are you a troll or do you genuinely feel this way? Why are some of you so hostile to people like the OP? Maybe she isn't telling the full story, but it's a lot to start claiming she's the reason behind the drama.

Bro, this isn't even a DCUM thing. Have you met people? We're the reason behind most of our dramas, if we're willing to be honest about our involvement. And knowing that is the key to changing the part of it you can control: yourself.