How bad is cosleeping?
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Anonymous
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My husband and I cosleep with my daughter and we all sleep well and enjoy the arrangement. We started when she was 6 months old after she grew out of her bedside bassinet and hated her crib. I was still breastfeeding and it was just easier to have her in the bed. We recently got rid of her crib because we decided realistically we were never going to use it and that she would just sleep in the regular bed in her room when she moves to her own space. To be honest we never really tried sleep training her or getting her into her own crib very hard. We just made one or two half hearted attempts. My daughter is 16 months and recently stopped breastfeeding at night. One of us naps with her on weekends and on weekends days she naps fine by herself at daycare. She’s pretty active while sleeping but we all still sleep really well (probably because we have a really strict bedtime now!) and I haven’t been tired since the first three months or so, which I hated, I don’t do well with little sleep. Neither does my husband (who does?). That’s a big reason why we never tried to change our sleeping arrangement because it works so well. There are one or two nights every 3 to 4 months where she might wake up a little more than normal when she’s sick, but it’s totally manageable and she’s a really good sleeper otherwise, she just has to be with one of us. Or at daycare, I guess, they’re magicians!
We recently mentioned to my MIL that we got rid or the crib because she’ll be visiting and staying in my daughter’s room while she’s here. She’s horrified. She thinks we’re making a big mistake and our daughter will never be able to sleep on her own. My husband thinks this is way overblown but if I’m honest her comments kind of got to me. There don’t seem to be any studies on this. TBH I love cosleeping so much. She sleeps so easily and I love cuddling with her while she sleeps. Anyone have any experience with cosleeping and having the child sleep well on their own later? Or should do I need to rip off the bandaid? If so, when would be the easiest time to do it? We could get a new crib if necessary but she’s a climber so I’m not actually sure if it would be safe. I talked to my mom and was surprised to find out that I slept in my parents’ bed when I was little but she doesn’t remember the transition to my own room and how it happened. |
Anonymous
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The arrangement works for you. That's all you need to worry about.
I coslept with my son from day one because I was the only one taking care of him (no family, no partner). Eventually, he transitioned to his own bed and all was well. MANY parents cosleep and their children are just fine. |
Anonymous
| How's your sex life? |
Anonymous
| Do you have to? If you have to and it works for you, ok. Don't become an advocate for it. |
Anonymous
Seriously F' off |
Anonymous
Well that question was succinctly answered. |
Anonymous
This is a legitimate question. This is a basic need for most adults. If you aren’t having sex, someone may get resentful. But if it’s working for ALL of you (not just two of you) then it’s fine. |
Anonymous
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I am not a fan of cosleeping for a variety of reasons.
But just logically, if your kid is 16 months old and very settled into a cosleeping routine, and it's working well for all three of you, there is absolutely no reason to upset the apple cart right now, and in fact, I would think that between 12 and about 30 months would be the worst time to stop - too big to just CIO, too little to explain and reason with her. "The transition will be rough" is a good reason to stop or not start in infancy. It's not a good reason to stop now, when you're guaranteeing a rough time. Do it as long as it keeps working for all three of you (and make sure you keep the communication lines open on this with your husband, that could really change for any of you at any time) and deal with the transition when you get there. |
Anonymous
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It was so great for DC2. She nursed until 2.5, was able to sleep by herself at 3, but didn't sleep in her own bed permanently until 4. Between 3 and 4, we would put her to bed in her own room, and occasionally she'd wake up and wander back to our room in the middle of the night, without disturbing us. At some point, she stopped.
We couldn't co-sleep with DC1 because he was born very premature and we didn't want to cause respiratory problems with the bedding, etc. I did have his crib very close to my side of the bed, because he had several breathing interruptions as a newborn, and I was worried about not hearing him. For his entire first year I think I just dozed with an eye and ear open! He stayed in our room for years, just not in our bed. Physical intimacy with husband had to get creative, but we were both happy with our co-sleeping arrangement. Some people just can't help being incredibly rude and judgemental, and you'll have grow a thick skin, OP. My kids are 20 and 15 now, and one of them has ADHD. My goodness, the crazy comment I heard re: ADHD, meds, boys being boys, etc. People will judge whatever you do. You'll need to be very confident. |
Anonymous
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Co-sleeping is fine, as long as you avoid smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, and doing drugs.
We co slept with our kids. They moved into their own rooms when they were ready. They felt loved and trusted that we would be there for them, which helped them become strong and confident adults. They all have college degrees, either post grad degrees or in progress, and good loving relationships with their partners/spouses. My spouse and I are still married and still have a great sex life. Do what feels right for you, your partner, and your child- which it sounds like you’re already doing. |
Anonymous
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This reason most Americans don’t cosleep for years is because they think this will affect their sex life. Why they think sex can only take place at night in one particular room is beyond me, but there it is.
If cosleeping really is working well for everyone, there is no reason to change it. Your daughter will eventually want her own privacy, and that’s when the cosleeping will stop. It’s like all the people who rush to potty train because they’re afraid to let their kids wear diapers too long. How many sixteen year olds do you know wear diapers without a disability? Just like potty training naturally happens, so does the end of cosleeping. |
Anonymous
OP here. I actually think that’s a totally legitimate question! Luckily we both work from home so we have lots of opportunities during lunch and before or after work while she’s at daycare. Or just… an afternoon “meeting.” We’ve also taken days of work a few times this year to have whole days devoted to it when we’ve felt like it. We had a lot of sec before having our baby so it is less than it used to be but it is much better than it was in the first few months, about 3-4 times per week. But I do miss cuddling with my husband at night. It would be nice to get back to that. I think I prefer cuddling with my daughter for now though. |
Anonymous
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I don't have strong feelings about this. I coslept with all three of my kids. We didnt have a hard time getting them to sleep in their own bed.
My eldest was a terrible terrible sleeper. Longest nap 45 minutes. Went down to sleep with me and woke up before me (my husband took him in the morning). We had to put him in an exersaucer in front of baby sign language videos to have sex (come at me!). ANYWAYS Recently had 3 year old in bed because he had a cold and I didn't want him waking up his sleeping. The sleep was DEFINITELY worse than kid not in bed. To be honest, if we had more $$ I'd not sleep with my husband either. This isn't a problem for you because you've night weaned, but I always take the opportunity to warn about milk bottle cavities from overnight BFing. Mine had cavities before 2 and this was the only possible reason (very low sugar, toothbrushing, etc). Another issue not for you put for new parents is to make sure you research accidental smotherings and cosleeping. Nobody will tell you it is safe, but you can make it less unsafe. No sleep medications, no alcohol, no tobacco, hard mattress, minimal bedding, do no swaddle the infant, consider not cosleeping if your baby has risk factors for SIDS. If you are a heavy sleeper, consider against cosleeping. For future reference, you can avoid judgment by not disclosing controversial parenting choices. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thank you for sharing your experience. I definitely need to work on my parenting confidence. I do let people’s opinions upset me. I’m hoping that also comes with time! |
Anonymous
| It's fine until it isn't. Do you want to take that risk? |