Stale marriage proposal

[Anonymous]

Can you get past the fact that a proposal is no longer as special because he took too long? Everyone understands need of a couple of years to commit but several years for no valid reason just sound like its not out of love but out of obligation. Opinions?

I said no to one as by the time it happened, it just didn't feel exciting, just a check mark. I wasn't in no rush to marry, just wanted enthusiasm instead of hesitation to make a commitment.

[Anonymous]

It's not the length of time on the calendar, it's the lack of enthusiasm.

[Anonymous]

*was in no rush

[Anonymous]

Did he put down an earnest money deposit?

[Anonymous]

No. He/She took too long. Glad you moved on. Probably was a sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he put down an earnest money deposit?

Other than a small percentage of shallow minded ones, for most women a ring has 1% value compared to 99% value of a sincere announcement of a commitment.

[Anonymous]

It's childish to care that much about the proposal itself.

[Anonymous]

I am straight woman and detest this expectation that men have to do the proposing. If excitement and proposing "on time" were so important to you, why didn't you propose earlier and make it into a huge deal? Why does HE have to do it?

I can't tell from here whether he's only getting married because it's the path of least resistance, or because he really thinks you're the one. Newsflash, one doesn't exclude the other. Other newsflash, boring proposals have nothing to do with future solidity of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Why'd you stay with the person if you wanted to get married, but they hadn't proposed within your timeline?

[Anonymous]

DH started his proposal by saying, “we need to talk.” I thought he was breaking up with me. I guess I worked out because his timing was impeccable despite his delivery. We’ve been married almost 25 years. My sister received the most elaborate proposal with great timing, but now they’re divorcing.

Maybe the proposal isn’t indicative of the marriage outcome. It might be better to let someone know if they have a deadline rather than testing them to see how badly they fail.

[Anonymous]

You were unhappy that he was taking too long, but still waited to see if an exciting proposal made up for it?

And then the proposal didn't live up to your expectations, so you walked away?

Wow. He dodged a bullet there!

[Anonymous]

Depends on reason. Maybe he was saving for a ring.

[Anonymous]

Did it take too long because you sat around waiting and hoping and never discussed it?

Or did it take too long because you discussed it, you wanted it, he didn't, and he finally got there?

If the later, depends on his reason. "I don't feel ready" at an older age or for years on end is definitely an issue (for me). "My kids need to graduate high school" or "My mom is sick" or "I need to get out of significant debt" (at a younger age) or something simliar is fair.

[Anonymous]

This is why I had an ultimatum of 3 years. I knew I'd get so disgruntled that I would be unenthusiastic about the proposal.

FWIW, dh has since thanked me for bringing up the proposal and letting him know that I had a timeline. He hadn't realized how much time had passed, but that he wanted to marry me. DH and I were crazy about each other, but he'd never once brought up our future and wouldn't discuss. I couldn't figure out what the issue was.