Husbands Tantrums

[Anonymous]

My husband has always been hot and cold, and I always feel a little bit like I’m walking on eggshells around him. He’s never hurt me or anything like that, but he will curse or throw things when he’s in the middle of tantrums. Today he had a tantrum about work, threw his phone several times, cursed, knocked things over and stormed around. He left the house, telling me he didn’t want to be near me. We have been married for twenty years and have two teens. Usually, he’s a really nice guy, though a bit of a narcissist, but his tantrums show me there’s so much inside of him. Is this normal guy behavior? It makes me feel uneasy.

[Anonymous]

No his behavior is not acceptable - most especially since you also have kids living in your home.

No one should have to feel uneasy as you do, walking on eggshells, etc.

Your husband needs to wisen up + seek professional help and guidance stat.

[Anonymous]

Mine does the same. It is intimidating and like you said, leaves me walking on eggshells. I think I will be able to leave in about a year.

[Anonymous]

Would he engage in this behavior at work?

[Anonymous]

Yikes! No this is not normal male behavior.
You’re married to a man with serious anger issues. How have you dealt with this behavior for twenty plus long years??

Hopefully your teen children know this isn’t acceptable and don’t behave as such nor seek a future partner who does

Anyways, he needs some anger management professional help - you can’t provide that.

His issue to triage.

[dony898]

This would make anyone feel uneasy, you’re not overreacting.

[Anonymous]

He needs to join a boxing club.

[Anonymous]

OP here - so what do I do? He has been in therapy for a few months, so I am hoping that helps, but it doesn't feel like it is enough to leave him over. I love him and most of the time he is kind and good natured. When he goes unhinged it does scare me though, not because he would do something, just because it is really scary. I don't know what boundaries to set with this.

[Anonymous]

He might need therapy that is specifically directed at men and anger. A lot of men don't really benefit as much from talk therapy but there are specific anger management problems for me that can be more beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - so what do I do? He has been in therapy for a few months, so I am hoping that helps, but it doesn't feel like it is enough to leave him over. I love him and most of the time he is kind and good natured. When he goes unhinged it does scare me though, not because he would do something, just because it is really scary. I don't know what boundaries to set with this.

Sorry. This is your husbands issue.
Nothing is kind or good about a man who’s not in control of his behavior.

Tossing things & holding you & your family hostage by walking on eggshells.

Yeah absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Does he drink? (Even if not specifically while throwing the tantrums?)

I think this is usually anxiety or depression. Or some say- undiagnosed ADHD. And sleep issues can contribute as well- any suspicions of apnea?

My DH has the same issue, also married 20 years, and I’m just about at the end of my rope with it. The above is what I have found when “researching” the issue. Mine has always had a short fuse but nothing like the last few years…..it has become much more frequent.

[Anonymous]

Terrible behavior. But my question is Op doing something for him to act like this and is there another side of story we are missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Terrible behavior. But my question is Op doing something for him to act like this and is there another side of story we are missing?

WHAT THE ACTUAL *#%+! Are you seriously saying that OP or anyone is making this man unable to regulate himself and relieve him of all responsibility to control his actions??? He just gets to throw things and terrorize his family because he doesn’t like what his wife is doing? That’s what you’re saying with that comment.

If he doesn’t like what OP is doing, he has the choice to leave. He can and is expected to regulate his behavior whether it’s his spouse, his kid, a stranger or a coworker who is bothering him.

What is wrong with you, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Terrible behavior. But my question is Op doing something for him to act like this and is there another side of story we are missing?

I’m curious what you think OP could do to make him act like this, or what the other side of the story on this could be. What specifically would justify tantrums like this? Particularly with such frequency?

I’ve been plenty angry at my DH at times, and yet somehow- I don’t throw tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - so what do I do? He has been in therapy for a few months, so I am hoping that helps, but it doesn't feel like it is enough to leave him over. I love him and most of the time he is kind and good natured. When he goes unhinged it does scare me though, not because he would do something, just because it is really scary. I don't know what boundaries to set with this.

Can you go to one session with him, where you explain what the tantrums are like and how scared they make you (both during and in anticipation of them) and ask the therapist to give him tools to use to more healthily manage his anger and frustration in ways that don't scare the family members closest to him?

I grew up with a dad who had an anger management problem and it REALLY negatively affected me even for years after I moved away.