ILs in town unexpectedly and expect me to drop things to see them but I’m at a work training all week

[Anonymous]

And I have prep to do at night for the next day.

I feel like they don’t quite understand how hard I work, and expect me to have all this free time.

Wwyd? They never let us know they’re here very far in advance.

[Anonymous]

Talk to them, not us.

[Anonymous]

Have your spouse handle it.

[Anonymous]

Thankfully they are your husband’s parents, so I’m sure they are happy to see him. If the issue if your husband is pissed he has to entertain them alone, that’s a husband problem.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry I won't have a chance to see you, it's a really busy week at work. Let me know next time you think of visiting and we can coordinate on dates."

[Anonymous]

Don’t change your schedule, OP! In fact, work overtime! I have a PITA, low-effort MIL though.

My local MIL used to remind me in my SAHM days that she HAD to work when her own DC were very young, never to schedule family gatherings at our house on Sundays since it was too stressful for “those of us who work,” and on and on.

When I got a p/t job that occasionally required weekend work, MIL complained how awful it was that I had to miss weekend family functions (think I missed two). She also expected or demanded that I take work off to visit with her family members- I did so once and never again.

Returned to FT employment and MIL went silent: never asked one question nor expressed slightest interest.

[Anonymous]

Tell your ILs exactly this. You simply can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I have prep to do at night for the next day.

I feel like they don’t quite understand how hard I work, and expect me to have all this free time.

Wwyd? They never let us know they’re here very far in advance.

If they were your parents, siblings or friends, would you make time? If you think you would, make dome for them as well. If it wouldn't be possible to do it for anyone, just sincerely apologize that its not possible. If y'all have a good relationship, they would understand. If y'all don't have a good relationship, no need to feel guilty over something you can't help.

[Anonymous]

No do not give into rudeness. DH and I had enough of MIL never telling us when she was arriving. We tried everything. Reminding her that we needed advance notice to take time off. Telling her in advance what blocks of time she could or couldn’t come. Nada. Same old crap everytime.

The next time she pulled this. We told her she needed to book a hotel because we were going to be gone. DH told her point blank that she could not stay at our house and not take a car. He stood his ground, she cancelled.

She tried pulling it again and since we were in town we said you can stay here but we are work and the kids have exams. She pouted all week as we went to work and kids went to the library after dinner. She was really rude about the kids. Lots of what’s the big deal if they get a B. A few sports practices won’t matter. Can’t DH or I call in sick? Nope. Nope. Nope. We told you. You ignored us. Not our problem.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure they care that much? Maybe they are just being polite? Most people just care about either their son or daughter, not the in law.

Be apologetic and act like you are said you can't spend more time with them but explain you are in training all week and your schedule is booked up.

You have to eat, so if you can, try to carve out an hour to have dinner with them.

[Anonymous]

“Great! I’ll be working of course but don’t let that stop you from having fun!”

[Anonymous]

I'm upstairs doing work while mine are downstairs right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry I won't have a chance to see you, it's a really busy week at work. Let me know next time you think of visiting and we can coordinate on dates."

I wouldn't even say "really busy" my own in laws don't seem to get that I work because I am a woman maybe. They are a family of teachers and think it's excessive I work to 6 pm many days and dont seem to understand I don't have all summer off even though my kids do

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the question.

Go to work and let them know/have your husband let them know you’ll be busy with work during their visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the question.

Go to work and let them know/have your husband let them know you’ll be busy with work during their visit

+1 Spouse: "Unfortunately you picked a bad week for Larla. She has mandatory meetings that require prep at night. She'll be very sorry to miss you, but I hope next time you make plans you'll check with us in advance so we can all spend more time together."