S/O Tuition split

[Anonymous]

Here’s the situation: split many years ago, kids are now 11 and 8. Ex got custody and we make about the same amount of money, and I pay child support.

Every so often I’ve asked my ex about college costs and they hem and haw, which indicates to me thatthey have no plan. I’ve started 529s for both kids which I’m contributing modestly to, but it kind of bothers me that they fought so hard for custody, got it, get child support, yet clearly isn’t preparing for the costs of university.

I don’t want to leave my kids in the lurch - we will make too much to qualify for FA and whether they get scholarships remains to be seen - so what else, if anything, should I be doing to prepare? I can’t force my ex to save for college…right?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Can’t force them to save or pay for any of it. It’s all on the parent who truly cares about their kid.

[Anonymous]

And the kids will know which parent is supporting their college aspirations and which is shirking. My husband had one parent who saved and paid for college, and another who didn't save or pay for college but loved to brag about his academic accomplishments. The world might not know what happened behind the scenes, but DH is wholly aware.

[Anonymous]

I know college is all on me in terms of advance saving and 529. Ex will likely cash flow a set amount of which we’re going to meet about this summer before DC starts applying to schools. We met last year and DC and I got an idea of what that amount will be but this summer will solidify.

I’ve gone into it this whole time thinking it was only going to be me so anything else is a bonus.

[Anonymous]

Divorced parent here whose kid just started college. Financing college is a tricky issue because there’s no legal obligation for support once the kid turns 18. Hopefully you’re able to have a conversation with your ex about college sooner rather than later. I know it’s easier said than done. In my situation, having those conversations early on (we divorced when my kid was very young) helped make later conversations and coordination regarding college visits, applications, financial aid, budget, expectations, etc. easier when the time actually time. I know this isn’t helpful but I wish you all the best.