Still struggling with a loss of father

[Anonymous]

I lost our father in the fall of 2019 and still struggling to this date that he is no longer with us... I still cannot really look at his video and photos, it will bring back all that memories of him. I would do anything to hear his voice again calling my name. My father was an avid angler, but he could no longer teach our son who picked up fishing as hobby. Visiting parents home when I know that my dad is not there to welcome me, is also a struggle for me... I miss my dad...

Does it get any easier?

[Anonymous]

He would not want you to suffer. That is the last thing he would want for you. He loved you with all his heart. The idea of you suffering would make him so sad. And disappointed. Honor his memory by making him proud - you are strong. You are strong and resilient. That is how he raised you. That is what he wished for you.

[Anonymous]

You need a grief counselor. You have played the avoidance game for so long that you've fed the 'grief monster' and it's now huge and all encompassing. You didn't do anything wrong, it happens all the time, but get into a group, in with a counselor or both. You deserve the peace and you'll be glad you did.

[Anonymous]

Its been 6 years, I think you should get professional help if its still this raw.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 13:43. While I firmly believe people should mourn however long feels right to them, what you are doing is not mourning, but suffering. Good therapy can help you.

[Anonymous]

I think you need therapy. I lost my father suddenly three years ago. We were very close and he was a part of daily life along with my young kids. The loss was very painful and I miss him terribly, but I’m still able to function and find joy in life. I talk about him all the time and frequently look at photos/videos to keep his memories alive and to remind me how lucky I was to have him in my life. We celebrate his life on milestone days with making his favorite meal or visiting a special spot; of course this makes us miss him even more but it also makes us feel more connected to him. Everyone processes grief differently, but it sounds like you have just avoided grief.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. It will be 4 years for me this fall. The pain is still very raw. You are not alone OP. I wish you peace.

[Anonymous]

I too lost my dad and it doesn't;t get easier but the grief is different. Mine passed in 2017 and I still have not been able to listen to voicemails I saved as hearing his voice will be too hard for me. But I am able to have memories of him that make me feel warm rather than automatically make me really sad, so that has changed as more time has passed. I will still once in a while cry for him but it is not often and usually triggered by something specific like a song on the radio or something. My dad was my person and I still catch myself wondering what he would do, say, how he would react to certain things. And I am the most sad for my now 18 and 20 year old kids who have grown into really amazing young adults and he will never get to know them. Those are the thoughts that make me sad. Finding someone to talk to will be helpful for you, but also know that grief is not linear and it's ok to still be sad about it, as long as it isn't debilitating you.

[Anonymous]

My father passed in 2017 too. It’s still hard now and then. Haven't listened to any voicemails, but will look at pictures. He passed too young and did not want to die, but i dont think we ever outgrow needing our parents.

Hugs to all on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Spouse did grief counseling as part of a group through Hospice after his mom died and got a lot out of it. Was dealing with grief and guilt and a lot of stuff. It might help if you don't want to go the therapy route

[Anonymous]

I miss my dad everyday. He died in 2015. Yet your grief sounds different. Please get some counseling to help you process the loss.

[Anonymous]

Grief counseling to assist with your lost should assist.

[Anonymous]

Hi, all. OP back. Reading the comments from you guys brings tears to my eyes. Thank you. It may be time to seek out professional counseling. I might look into it. We also lost our grand father (dad’s dad) at the age of 99 in 2017. His line of family all lived to late 80’s and early 90’s. We always thought dad and uncles will be with us to the grandpa’s age. Speaking of uncles, they look like dad as they age and meeting them breaks my heart, still. I think I need help.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. My dad died almost four years ago and it still hurts and I'm not able to look at pictures with happiness yet either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, all. OP back. Reading the comments from you guys brings tears to my eyes. Thank you. It may be time to seek out professional counseling. I might look into it. We also lost our grand father (dad’s dad) at the age of 99 in 2017. His line of family all lived to late 80’s and early 90’s. We always thought dad and uncles will be with us to the grandpa’s age. Speaking of uncles, they look like dad as they age and meeting them breaks my heart, still. I think I need help.

I'm sorry you're hurting, but yes, you do. It's actually not quite in the realm of normal to feel this level of grief over the loss of an elderly parent six years later. This is the natural cycle of life and we are supposed to be equipped to deal with it. I lost my dad when he was 85 in 2021 and yeah, I miss him--we were close and he was a great dad--but this is life. With that said, both of my sisters died before the age of 53--one at 45 and one at 52. One had daughters and I know they cannot stand to be around me because I look and act just like their mother. They try, but I make them sad. So I understand that, but again, losing an elderly parent when you already have children and the parent lived a long, loving life, is very different than my nieces losing their mom as older teens. Best of luck to you.