Are you becoming more introverted with age?

[Anonymous]

I was for most of my life, a pretty extroverted and social person. Now I am 50, live alone, and find I am starting to avoid social situations more and more. I am also much quieter and need a lot less social interaction. I have lots of friends I can meet for breakfast or lunch but I find that is enough social interaction for me and I will happily just stay at home or doing my own thing.

Recently I travelled with a friend for a week and I was wishing I was alone by day 2 and internally counting the hours until she left! It wasn’t anything about her, she was great, I was just hating the 24/7 with someone and feeling like I needed my own space.

I work all day with people, I am not isolated, I just find I don’t really need close friends anymore. I do keep in touch with them as maybe I will need them someday and I care about them but I feel like I am happier by myself doing my own thing. Even family, I visit for a couple days then I am happy to leave.

I am not sure if this is normal with age or if I am isolating myself or not being social enough.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you’re not depressed? Kinda sounds like you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you’re not depressed? Kinda sounds like you are.

Oh please. Everything is not a mental problem requiring medical diagnosis. People change and evolve and grow.

OP I think this is perfectly normal and in fact quite common. The need for constant outward stimulation is a level of immaturity that many people outgrow.

[Anonymous]

I've always been like this, but my extrovert husband has definitely had a similar transition as we have gotten older. He'd much rather stay home and do a project by himself or with the kids than socialize.

If you are happy, roll with it. It sounds like you have found a balance that works for you.

[Anonymous]

100%

I have always been the kind of extrovert that preferred smaller groups/people I know rather than large social situations; but these days I get most of my people energy from coworkers, immediate family, and much less frequent hanging out socially. Weekends are decompression time for me.

I do feel like RTO is part of it, during Covid there was so much less social interaction and I got used to it. Now I’m around people 8 hours a day, 5 days a week so it’s a lot.

[Anonymous]

I think that sounds normal.

As an introvert married to another introvert, I was kind of thrown off by you saying that you didn’t want to be around your friend. But I tend to use the word “friend” to refer to my 3 closest friends that I have known all of my adult life. I really can’t imagine being sick of spending time with them.
My mom is an extrovert, though, and she probably has 60+ people that she would refer to as a friend and might travel with.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. It’s become more crowded around here in general so it’s harder to do spontaneous things. Activities are either booked, have a long wait time or traffic makes it take forever to get anywhere. I also find people are generally ruder and basic courtesies are out the window so it’s much less enjoyable to be out around larger groups of people.

[Anonymous]

No, I've always been shy and introverted but also happy to have a small social life with a few friends. That hasn't changed in 45 years. I regularly go to coffee shops or have lunch with one friend at a time, or sometimes go to museums or movies with one friend. We have a standing Thanksgiving dinner and New Year's lunch with another family. I don't like doing things in larger groups. Last night we attended a very large social gathering, and while it was spectacular and interesting, for me it's not as fun as discussions with just a handful of people around a table with quiet music in the background.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I am 47. I am ready to move back to the rural area I grew up in with a tiny population.

I actually thought it was common knowledge that people do get more introverted with age typically. I’ve heard in my entire life and yes, now it’s happening to me. I’ve always been introverted, but now I’m severely introverted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure you’re not depressed? Kinda sounds like you are.

Introversion is not depression, geez. Maybe you should read up on it. There’s a book called “Quiet”; go get it. Being an introvert is as normal as being an extrovert and yes, it’s normal to become more introverted with age.

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and noticed this in some of my parent’s generation, not necessarily mine. I am naturally pretty introverted and the pandemic took it to an extreme. But I don’t want to live like that again, though so I am more balanced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 50 and noticed this in some of my parent’s generation, not necessarily mine. I am naturally pretty introverted and the pandemic took it to an extreme. But I don’t want to live like that again, though so I am more balanced.

And to say, your level of socialization seems fine to me, but as I said I’m an introvert and never felt a lot social pressure to go along. You can change over time. Maybe you’ll change again. You seem content and that’s what matters.

[Anonymous]

Covid did this to me for sure.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. Around 40 I tried to develop a bunch of new friendships and felt really invigorated by it. But then I realized that new friends were not any more interesting than old friends (who were not that interesting) and usually I would prefer being alone. Almost 50 now and it’s not that I can’t enjoy going out, but I really like being alone.

[Anonymous]

Yes this is me. Mid 40s. Work full time from home. Very very busy job.

We had a big home renovation last year that lasted for a year, and we moved into a rental in a more remote part of our town. We almost completely checked out of our social life for the last six months - drive was too far. Also disengaged from a lot of ds extracurriculars, with the plan to re engage upon return to our house. Dh and I were both extremely surprised that, instead of having cabin fever and irritation with being cooped up in a small house just the three of us, we had the most wonderful year we can remember. We really enjoyed being checked out from everyone. I still spend 10 hours a day engaging with work colleagues plus my family lives nearby and we actually saw them more than we typically do.

So I guess I’m still having a ton of engagement with people and a very busy life, but what I have less interest in is filling my time with friends. If you’re not my every day immediate circle (ie my husband son and parents) I figured out that everyone else is kind of replaceable and not that important. Even friends. When I retire in my 50s and ds is gone, I suspect I’ll need that connection again.