Does anyone really want to attend a graduation?

[Anonymous]

With the exception of parents and grandparents, should aunts, uncles and cousins be expected to attend out of town graduations?

My Aunt got extremely upset with me a few weeks ago because I said (politely) that my family couldn’t just drop everything to fly 800 miles away to attend my cousins college graduation. My DH barely knows this cousin of mine and had a major work project going on at the time, and our own kids had various end of the year activities that we knew were important for them to attend. I’m also not particularly close with this cousin as she’s almost 20 years younger than me.

I understand that college graduations are big events, but for extended family, they’re pretty boring and then n this case expensive, since it required airfare and lodging. Should extended family be expected to attend these?

[Anonymous]

Of course you should’ve gone, leave the family at home but if it was important to them it should be important to you.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Don’t give it another thought.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Your cousin probably attended your graduation because she was younger. You're one of the oldest, so you think your life is more important because it was treated as more important.

I am the second to youngest. When my much younger cousin graduated, I checked with his mom and offered to come to his graduation. I said he came to mine when I was four so I should go to his! Turned out they only had four tickets so I was off the hook.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

If you and your family are WASPs, totally fine to skip.

If you are black or latino, the family expectations seem to be higher about attendance.

[Anonymous]

You answered your own question. Parents and possibly grandparents should be the ones who are expected attend these. Anyone else can certainly be invited, but their should be no expectation tgat they attend.

You Aunt was being obnoxious. You did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You answered your own question. Parents and possibly grandparents should be the ones who are expected attend these. Anyone else can certainly be invited, but their should be no expectation tgat they attend.

You Aunt was being obnoxious. You did nothing wrong.

+1

[Anonymous]

I did even go to my son's high school graduation right here near home. Neither did he. He is in Amsterdam celebrating. I knew he didn't care to go, and I'm so glad I didn't have to go.
Different families have different expectations. In-laws do everything by the book. Funerals are the hardest with open casket.

[Anonymous]

No, unless you are very close (emotionally), you should not be required or expected to attend a graduation event of a relative. It's not a wedding. The aunt should send out graduation announcements so anyone who wants to congratulate the graduate and/or offer a gift can do that.

[Anonymous]

I barely want to go to my own kids graduations (HS and college). They are long, boring, and expensive to travel to (college). In our family, just immediate family attends. No need to put grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins through the whole ordeal. These days, there's a live stream, if other relatives want to watch, let them do so from the comfort of their couch

[Anonymous]

Your aunt has bats in her belfry. Surely you suspected this before this new incident? Just ignore her.

And to 22:56, there's nothing "by the book" about any ritual, just familial or regional traditions, but with migration and multiculturalism, the traditions are going to change. There's no rule that says extended family needs to attend graduations, or that funerals have to be open casket. Half of my family is Asian and has their own cremation and Buddhist rituals around death ceremonies, that are different from other Buddhist families' rituals.

[Anonymous]

If you’re not close, then don’t go. It you seem close enough to the aunt for her to share her emotional reaction with you. But if your own kids had end of year things that required you to be home, then there’s nothing you can do.

Send a nice gift and express good wishes to the graduate.

[Anonymous]

When I got invited to my nephew's preschool graduation, I immediately bought his gift that night, and picked out my outfit. I am so excited for this Thursday! I couldn't attend my niece's preschool graduation because it happened during Covid.