How to support long distance friend who just lost an adult child
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I have a friend in another city whose adult child just died unexpectedly. I want to support her, but unfortunately I have no income. (I'm a former fed fired by DOGE.) I would normally send a gift card for food, but she has a 4 person family. I can't afford an uber eats for her family. (And as the recipient of gift cards during a difficult time, I don't believe in sending ones that cover less than the full amount, because then they have to spend money, and that doesn't seem like much of a gift to me.) What can I do? I could make a small donation to whatever charity they list. Is there anything else low cost or free? I of course have been texting with her. I can send a card. |
Anonymous
| Send a card. And visit, if you can, whether it's driving over for an afternoon or whatever. Attend the funeral or service. |
Anonymous
| You don't need to send a donation if you are struggling with money. You check in regularly, try to attend the funeral and send a card. |
Anonymous
|
OP did you know the adult child? Do you have photos of them, or memories you could share in a note to the friend?
Are you in touch with any mutual friends that you could serve as the point of contact for, in terms of sharing the obituary and funeral information? |
Anonymous
| Send cards, send notes, try to suss out whether or not they would welcome calls. There’s often a lot of support of different kinds that gets offered to grieving people - that might taper off after the funeral or memorial services. Keeping that in mind, continue to be there for your friend — and take your cues from them. |
Anonymous
This is all that is required. |
Anonymous
|
If you cannot afford to travel for the funeral, then you need to call, listen to her story, and make all the right sympathetic noises, and send really lovely card. Pay attention, here's the most important part! Mark your calendar for all the anniversaries, either the birth date or the death. And when they roll around, please do not forget to send a heartfelt note that you're thinking about your friend. |
Anonymous
| This is OP. Thank you for these ideas. I cannot travel to the funeral, but I can do a lot of the other things. |
Anonymous
| Send a card. keep texting (make sure she knows she doesn't have to text back if she's overwhelmed), if its even remotely possible to make the service - I'd move heaven and earth to do so. |
Anonymous
| Just send a card. I think you are over estimating your friendship level. |
Anonymous
| Check in regularly - not "what do you need", but more of a "thinking of you". It gets lonely after the first few weeks when everyone is checking in. A small token of care goes a long way. |
Anonymous
Also include Mother's Day in this list. |
Anonymous
Just write her a letter expressing your grief. A letter is something you can read over and over and each time you read the letter it helps. |
Anonymous
If your unable to travel for the funeral — but may be able to travel at a later time, that might be very much welcomed too. I’ve had friends who swooped in to help me with difficult tasks (clearing out the belongings of a deceased family member) and friends who swooped in to give me a respite from grieving and the responsibilities that can go along with the loss of a family member. The importance of being there for the long haul really can’t be underestimated. You sound like a good person and a good friend OP. |
Anonymous
| Hand written cards are nice. It made me feel loved when I lost a close family member. Just don't expect her to write back. |