If you’ve become a MIL, new perspective?

[Anonymous]

For those who have been on DCUM a long time especially…if you were originally here as a baby/kid parent/wife and now are a MIL, what have you learned? What has surprised you?

[Anonymous]

How much nicer my family is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much nicer my family is

+1 a lot pf dcumers have effed up families

[Anonymous]

Nothing really. I’ve gotten enough crap from my MIL that I don’t want to put my DIL through it. I like her and I am treating her the way I’d like to be treated.

Two things working in my favor for now - no grandkids yet (less potential for conflict) and DIL parents live overseas (no squabbling over holidays).

[Anonymous]

That most of DCUM have serious issues. I love my MIL, love being a MIL. Most people here hate their MIL, not sure what their deal is. I assume they’re special needs or something and that’s why they can’t get along with their MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much nicer my family is

+1 a lot pf dcumers have effed up families

+2 it's sad how broken and emotionally stunted a lot of posters are. I read this board because it makes me grateful for my family and our relationships.

Also everyone really hates their mother in laws. I’ve always wondered how you can claim to love your husband but hate the person who raised them. Some of the posts about in laws show a lack of empathy and maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That most of DCUM have serious issues. I love my MIL, love being a MIL. Most people here hate their MIL, not sure what their deal is. I assume they’re special needs or something and that’s why they can’t get along with their MIL.

I think that about 80% of the time, the DH/son is the main problem. Many do a poor job of maintaining family ties in the first. And on top of that: mother and/or wife may have their quirks, overstep or say the wrong thing etc- but then the DH does…..nothing. Nothing to set boundaries, nothing to smooth things over- just nothing.

Women naturally do all of the above with their own families of origin.

And of course, it MUST be the mother in law or daughter in law who is at fault for any issues….never the man. LOL.

We need to hold men more accountable for family relationships and raise our sons accordingly. IMO.

[Anonymous]

To not take my daughters side and see that she is also part of the problem when her and her partner have issues. To treat my sil as part of the family and consider his feelings when planing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much nicer my family is

+1 a lot pf dcumers have effed up families

+1 It makes me feel better about my minor issues to read about other people's major problems. Perceptive helps.

[Anonymous]

It bothers me that DD's fiancé doesn't make half as much effort as DD makes towards his family but I don't want to complain to avoid creating any issues between them. His family is great and we've really good relations with them. Should I mention it to him or her?

[Anonymous]

*to be clear he doesn't make much effort towards us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It bothers me that DD's fiancé doesn't make half as much effort as DD makes towards his family but I don't want to complain to avoid creating any issues between them. His family is great and we've really good relations with them. Should I mention it to him or her?

Don’t mention it to anyone. Continue to be warm and welcoming. Saying this will not help, it will only cause friction. Vent to your husband if you must.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That most of DCUM have serious issues. I love my MIL, love being a MIL. Most people here hate their MIL, not sure what their deal is. I assume they’re special needs or something and that’s why they can’t get along with their MIL.

That is such a repellent, ableist comment to make. Get over yourself.