What would you do about this friendship?

[Anonymous]

DD is good friends with a girl in her class, and I try to arrange playdates outside of school for them.

Probably about 70-75% of the time, the mom flakes. We'll set a time and date, and she'll forget, ghost, etc. For example, literally last night she said she'd drop her DD off at my house after camp today, and she ended up forgetting. I texted her and she said her mom would drop her DD off, but never did.

But the other 25-30% of the time she's awesome. I can leave DD there for a few hours, she'll feed DD, take them out for ice cream, take them to the park. I've been able to drop DD off when I had a work emergency.

I don't want to give up on the friendship entirely but it is REALLY frustrating when she bails. My DD gets upset because her hopes were up, and I scheduled my day around making sure I'd be home by 3 for the playdate.

What's the middle ground here?

[Anonymous]

I’d try following up the morning of, or several hours before the time and ask “hi Larla! Just checking in that we are still on for 2pm?” or similar. She can’t be annoyed by it, given her track record. Some people are just disorganized and flaky but otherwise nice. Plus this way, your DD has more warning of a cancellation and you can potentially make alternate plans.

If that doesn’t work, I’d wait until she initiates getting the girls together.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t leave my kid with this family. I feel sorry for the kid. I’d probably do the picking up and dropping off and feeding since her parent appears to be struggling with stress right now.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell DD. Let the playdate be a surprise if the girl shows up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell DD. Let the playdate be a surprise if the girl shows up.

I agree. Just arrange to be home at 3 and maybe have a backup plan.

[Anonymous]

My son has a friend like this and I just warn him "Now you know the X family is always late and tends to cancel on us. So if we end up by ourselves we'll do Y instead." Of course then he announced to his friend and his mom "my mom said since you always cancel on us..." Oh well!

[Anonymous]

I am ADHD mom. It can be embarrassing and I actively try to improve.

The above poster who said to send a little confirmation same day is right. I’m not offended. I’m grateful.

[Anonymous]

Can you make plans with your daughter, this girl, and another girl? That way if the one flakes your daughter will still have a friend to hang out with.

I know a mom like that (although she doesn't reciprocate because she's always so busy) and it's super annoying. He kid wants to hang out but the mom just can't get her act together.