Sibling bullying and parents responsibility
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Anonymous
| Situation where one brother has abruptly decided to cut off the other because they felt like as kids their brother was a bully/abusive when they were little kids, and that is why now in their 40’s they have not been able to live independently of their mother in life or have any professional success. Mother also sides with brother and encourages this narrative. Does the mother have any responsibility for what happened when they were kids? Isn’t it also the parents job to be helping their kids navigate sibling relationships and to intervene if there is a power imbalance or bullying? Trying to support someone who is going through this, but I can’t help but feel the mother is also responsible here not just the sibling who was a child too (close in age siblings). Just not sure what to say and maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way. |
Anonymous
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If an adult (in their 40s) cannot live independently, then the culprit is in the mirror.
Sibling conflict and rivalry is as old as time. It hits EVERY family in some way. Specifically pointing a finger at mom (where is dad, BTW?) is ridiculous. If it were not, then every mother that has ever lived and had kids who fought or were rivals, is guilty. Which is nonsense. |
Anonymous
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These people sound crazy. All three of them. And it sounds like there was an incredibly dysfunctional household when they were growing up.
Tell your friend to go to therapy. I would imagine that growing up with this kind of mom is impacting all of his relationships with friends, co-workers, kids, spouse, etc. |
Anonymous
| Is one of these brothers your spouse? |
Anonymous
| What was the bullying exactly? If it was a physical pounding on a daily basis, or a constant stream of shattering personal criticism, that could affect someone’s self-esteem. And absolutely the parents should be involved in trying to remedy that situation and stop bullying. By age 40, however, that individual had the option to go to therapy and turn their life around. |
Anonymous
No. Cousin and is the one who has been cut off. He is very distraught. I didn’t witness anything that seemed beyond normal brother stuff when we were kids, but I also wasn’t around on a daily basis. I just don’t know what to say to him. |
Anonymous
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I don’t know what happened in the past, but your aunt is being really bizarre right now. She is encouraging her adult child who lives with her to cut off his sibling. That’s bananas.
I can’t imagine she was more centered when they were kids. Do people in your family think that she’s weird! |
Anonymous
| ummmm you all are all adults... |
Anonymous
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The time to intervene was in childhood.
It seems extreme that your cousin's failure to thrive and launch is the result of the sibling's abuse. However it is their right to not want a relationship with the sibling. The role of the parent and other family members is to respect that decision. Not try to talk or trick them into seeing the estranged sibling. As well as not being the go between, if they have things to say they need to say it to each other. |
Anonymous
I don't think it's healthy the parents have one child living with them. They are basically enabling this immature hatred. |
Anonymous
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Y'all need to grow up.
And I was bullied by my siblings for a big change in the family that had nothing to do with me. OP when you get to your 20s, you realize that everyone was just trying to survive. It still affects you, but you learn to take control of your own life. I'm not BFF with my adult siblings, but I'm able to be cordial while living my own life. It's time to grow the F up. |