Once a cheater, always a cheater

[Anonymous]

Is this true in the cases you’ve seen? I’ve been witness to 3 situations that started off as affairs but led to long-term stable marriages, so was wondering.

[Anonymous]

Who? How have you been privvy to the details?

[Anonymous]

Its not just about their odds of cheating but their lack of integrity and empathy. Why would you want to take a chance on such selfish people?

[Anonymous]

You can never know the workings of soneone else's marriage.

[Anonymous]

Cheaters cheat until 1) they are physically unable to do so 2) when they gain self awareness and a conscious (rare) 3) when they are dead.

[Anonymous]

Cheating has nothing to do with a marriage, it has something to do with the person. So if they go through intense therapy or treat their bipolar, etc. Yes they can stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating has nothing to do with a marriage, it has something to do with the person. So if they go through intense therapy or treat their bipolar, etc. Yes they can stop.

Not necessarily. Some marriages are worth risking, while others are too good or at least good enough not to risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating has nothing to do with a marriage, it has something to do with the person. So if they go through intense therapy or treat their bipolar, etc. Yes they can stop.

Not necessarily. Some marriages are worth risking, while others are too good or at least good enough not to risk.

Thank you for so clearly illustrating the pp's point, without seeming to even realize you'd done so.

Some people don't cheat. Period. They have conversations with their partners, open the marriage, divorce, or come up with some other high-integrity, honest solution. Some people cheat, and that's about them being cheaters. There's no excuse for it beyond that. A cheater will make up dozens of "reasons" (like "some marriages are worth risking"), and there's only one real reason: someone's personal low integrity/standards allowed them to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not just about their odds of cheating but their lack of integrity and empathy. Why would you want to take a chance on such selfish people?

This is the heart of it. Someone who can justify/rationalize cheating (I don't mean open-marriage/consensual non-monogamy here, I mean "spouse doesn't know" cheating) has integrity issues. Maybe they like the "thrill" of cheating, maybe they enjoy hurting people they claim to love, maybe they don't even think about how their actions will impact others and they just do whatever they please. None of those things sound like great relationship traits to me.

Integrity and empathy are core relationship values, and a lack of either would be a dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this true in the cases you’ve seen? I’ve been witness to 3 situations that started off as affairs but led to long-term stable marriages, so was wondering.

How many decades are these affair marriages into at this point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this true in the cases you’ve seen? I’ve been witness to 3 situations that started off as affairs but led to long-term stable marriages, so was wondering.

How many decades are these affair marriages into at this point?

20, 25 and 40 years.

[Anonymous]

I can only testify to the contrapositive: If you're not a cheater now, you weren't a cheater before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating has nothing to do with a marriage, it has something to do with the person. So if they go through intense therapy or treat their bipolar, etc. Yes they can stop.

Not necessarily. Some marriages are worth risking, while others are too good or at least good enough not to risk.

Wrong

I bipolar person doesn't stop risky decisions because of consequences.

You can't affair proof your marriage with cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this true in the cases you’ve seen? I’ve been witness to 3 situations that started off as affairs but led to long-term stable marriages, so was wondering.

How many decades are these affair marriages into at this point?

20, 25 and 40 years.

Me too.... long term yes,

but stable, loving, happy -> no

but too expensive or traumatic or unable to admit mistakes to go through 2nd divorce... yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this true in the cases you’ve seen? I’ve been witness to 3 situations that started off as affairs but led to long-term stable marriages, so was wondering.

How many decades are these affair marriages into at this point?

20, 25 and 40 years.

Are you close enough with both partners in all the couples to know if they are cheating or not? Many many people will not even tell their closest friends.