I was never good at math

[Anonymous]

Why do so many parents casually say, "I was never good at math" in front of their elementary-aged children, often before the child has even had a real chance to give math education an earnest attempt? Doesn’t that send the message that struggling with math is expected or even acceptable, lowering the bar before the formal math learning even begins?

Contrast that with sports: I’ve rarely or never heard a parent dropping their kid off at soccer practice say, “I was terrible at soccer.” Instead, it’s always, “You’ve got this!” or “Go give it your best!”

Why such a stark difference in parenting mindset when it comes to math versus sports?

[Anonymous]

Because math specifically in the United States, along with engineering and computing, embraced a very bro kind of attitude focusing on natural aptitude and weeding out as many people as possible.

It doesn't have to be that way. But of course all the videos in elementary school about "everyone is a math person" have the impact of making kids tired of the videos, not making them think that hard work in math is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

I say I was bad at sports to my kids occasionally because I was. They're all-star athletes due to raw talent and hard work. I was good at math and tell them occasionally because I was. They're exceptional at math also due to raw talent and hard work. I don't get why people feel they can't be honest with their kids in an age appropriate way. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses that can evolve over time. You don't want to lock kids into thinking about themselves a certain way, but it's not wrong for them to recognize their talents vs. areas for growth. Just need to be careful with the wording.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say I was bad at sports to my kids occasionally because I was. They're all-star athletes due to raw talent and hard work. I was good at math and tell them occasionally because I was. They're exceptional at math also due to raw talent and hard work. I don't get why people feel they can't be honest with their kids in an age appropriate way. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses that can evolve over time. You don't want to lock kids into thinking about themselves a certain way, but it's not wrong for them to recognize their talents vs. areas for growth. Just need to be careful with the wording.

A parent who wants to be honest about their own weaknesses should be careful not to repeat them too often around their child because children internalize what they hear—especially from their parents. When a parent frequently mentions, “I was never good at math,” their child might unconsciously adopt that same belief, thinking it’s inherited or inevitable. This can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the child starts to doubt their own abilities without cause. Instead of fostering openness, it can unintentionally plant seeds of insecurity. Being honest is valuable, but balance it with encouragement, a growth mindset, and the message that weaknesses can be overcome.

[Anonymous]

I tell my kids I hate math and hate organized sports. Why would I lie? I still became a research scientist, with a working knowledge of statistics to use for my biomedical experiments I hike and climb in the mountains and cheer for my team during the World Cup, but I'm certainly not interested in tennis or golf or - shudder - American football.

One of my kids does like math either, but still made it to AP Calc BC and takes data science courses in college, to inform his degree in political science. The other takes after my mathematician husband and is several grades ahead in math.

Nuance is key, OP.

[Anonymous]

doesn't

[Anonymous]

Not that I say it super frequently, but this is not true for our family. My point was me telling my kids I was bad at sports has not hindered them in sports. They think it's funny how bad I am when I try to play with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my kids I hate math and hate organized sports. Why would I lie? I still became a research scientist, with a working knowledge of statistics to use for my biomedical experiments I hike and climb in the mountains and cheer for my team during the World Cup, but I'm certainly not interested in tennis or golf or - shudder - American football.

One of my kids does like math either, but still made it to AP Calc BC and takes data science courses in college, to inform his degree in political science. The other takes after my mathematician husband and is several grades ahead in math.

Nuance is key, OP.

+1

[Anonymous]

Growing up, I never questioned the expectation to take four years of English and social studies in high school, but when it came to math, it was completely acceptable to stop early. There wasn't an option to take less social studies, but stopping after Algebra was considered perfectly fine. Both my parents and my public high school allowed the idea that four years of math wasn’t necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because math specifically in the United States, along with engineering and computing, embraced a very bro kind of attitude focusing on natural aptitude and weeding out as many people as possible.

It doesn't have to be that way. But of course all the videos in elementary school about "everyone is a math person" have the impact of making kids tired of the videos, not making them think that hard work in math is a good thing.

While public schools may mean well, no math motivation video can match the lasting impact of parental involvement. A short video might offer a quick boost, but a parent who sets high expectations and consistently supports their child’s math journey has a far greater and more enduring influence, one that can shape the child’s confidence and decide their career path. Of course, none of this replaces the hard work the child must put in themselves; parenting can guide and encourage, but it can’t do the learning for the child - it's all dependent on child's own interest and their determination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because math specifically in the United States, along with engineering and computing, embraced a very bro kind of attitude focusing on natural aptitude and weeding out as many people as possible.

It doesn't have to be that way. But of course all the videos in elementary school about "everyone is a math person" have the impact of making kids tired of the videos, not making them think that hard work in math is a good thing.

Almost every kid can be successful through at least geometry with hard work. Most can get through calculus with hard work. Math is mostly hard work. Our kids just aren't used to academic hard work. Spend a day at a high school anywhere in Asia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Growing up, I never questioned the expectation to take four years of English and social studies in high school, but when it came to math, it was completely acceptable to stop early. There wasn't an option to take less social studies, but stopping after Algebra was considered perfectly fine. Both my parents and my public high school allowed the idea that four years of math wasn’t necessary.

Algebra is all the average person needs for independent living in real life, but math every year is necessary to ingrain as much as can be ingrained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because math specifically in the United States, along with engineering and computing, embraced a very bro kind of attitude focusing on natural aptitude and weeding out as many people as possible.

It doesn't have to be that way. But of course all the videos in elementary school about "everyone is a math person" have the impact of making kids tired of the videos, not making them think that hard work in math is a good thing.

How can you believe both of those paragraphs at the same time?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many parents casually say, "I was never good at math" in front of their elementary-aged children, often before the child has even had a real chance to give math education an earnest attempt? Doesn’t that send the message that struggling with math is expected or even acceptable, lowering the bar before the formal math learning even begins?

Contrast that with sports: I’ve rarely or never heard a parent dropping their kid off at soccer practice say, “I was terrible at soccer.” Instead, it’s always, “You’ve got this!” or “Go give it your best!”

Why such a stark difference in parenting mindset when it comes to math versus sports?

What is your life that you have “so many parents” say this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because math specifically in the United States, along with engineering and computing, embraced a very bro kind of attitude focusing on natural aptitude and weeding out as many people as possible.

It doesn't have to be that way. But of course all the videos in elementary school about "everyone is a math person" have the impact of making kids tired of the videos, not making them think that hard work in math is a good thing.

How can you believe both of those paragraphs at the same time?!

Because the elementary school culture is not the same as what we grew up with (and what the teachers grew up with) or what happens at the higher academic levels.