My house is out of control AGAIN

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Just looking for some commiseration. I grew up in a messy house and I feel like I have been trying my whole life to do better. In my twenties, I had no skills and my first place became a cluttered mess. I managed to build a lot of skills. I did Marie Kondo, I did all those sorts of things. I watched Clean House and Hoarders, lol.

I really had it together for about ten years.

Now after struggling with young kids, it’s out of control again. Every room has like 50 things “out” and there’s no where to put them because the places they should go are also full/nonfunctional.

I feel overwhelmed by it because I don’t know how I could possibly find the time/energy for Marie Kondo piles. I end up just putting things in containers to get through immediate needs for cleaning or whatever.

But like, our clean wool things have been sitting in a laundry basket for a month because I don’t know what to do with them. I don’t even remember if I had off season storage for them when the house was tidy or if everything just fit all year round.

I know I need to get rid of like 20% of everything in order to have a chance at having a home for stuff. I just don’t know how to tackle this. I end up just picking a bunch of things up and then putting them down.

I know I just need to kick myself in the butt and get it done somehow. I just keep failing and feeling worse about it all/myself.

[Anonymous]

Stop. Buying. Crap.

[Anonymous]

Don't touch anything twice. If you picked it up, put it down where it belongs. Tackling large piles is HARD. Put a box in a room and toss everything into it to be donated/trashed.

[Anonymous]

PP that’s not helpful. I hardly buy anything and I have the same problem. Stuff just proliferates with kids. People give them things, there are goodie bags… OP I don’t have much advice just commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Same. I think you're doing it right, it's just that it's a lifetime, ongoing process. I have 3 kids and a dh, so there's 5 of us constantly bringing things in. And basically I'm the only one organizing and getting rid of things (dh is great, but this is not a chore for him because he's a hoarder at heart. He has other chores).

What helps me the best is migrating around my house, sorting closets and drawers weekly or monthly. It seems little but makes a big impact. No longer do things get hidden in my dining room cabinet, or the junk drawer, or the linen closet. And this frees up room for other things.

My hardest thing is that my kids are at different ages and different toys. So I have to save my oldest dd's clothes for 6 years. And I don't get rid of my older kids' toys when they outgrow because my youngest would like them too. This does save me a lot of money and effort. When I change out clothes for the season, I just pull out the next size up for my youngest.

For junky kids toys that come from goody bags and prizes, I let them play a little bit with them and then when I find them laying around, I have a bin I put all those in. I use them for pinata stuffing or I offer it to teachers for their prize bins.

[Anonymous]

You got this!

First, get rid of what’s easy: unused and won’t be used items, garbage/junk, broken items, etc.

Locate the nearest Goodwill or similar and if you can’t donate/give away quickly/sell quickly—you’ll likely need to throw away. (If you have any less typical household collections, sometimes there are specialty donation sites that accept a surprising variety of items.)

For paperwork: digitize what you can, including bills and statements. Unsubscribe from unneeded or unwanted mailings as best you can, etc.

Then, strategize: how can you make the necessities most accessible? Where do you use them the most? Try to find a place for them where you actually use them.

Entryways have always been our biggest challenge, so I spend extra time plotting where shoes/coats/mail/bags can go realistically (vs everyone dragging it all through the house).

When space is especially tight, the biggest saver for us has been not having duplicates of everything, and using things for dual purposes (small example: a melon baller, cookie dough scoop, and ice-cream scoop can all be one item).

Vertical storage is also really helpful and often goes unused, so if closets can be configured to hold more at height, make the most of those inches. If a tall IKEA wardrobe with shelves/drawers can be snuck in, those are amazing, too.

One of my favorite tips has been for sentimental items that are hard to part with: take a photo (or a few!). It really helps to release those items when you know you’ll have a chance to look at them someday again (even if we rarely do). : )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP that’s not helpful. I hardly buy anything and I have the same problem. Stuff just proliferates with kids. People give them things, there are goodie bags… OP I don’t have much advice just commiseration.

Goodie bags go in the trash. Things on the floor that kids don't pick up go in the trash. You have to be ruthless.

[Anonymous]

Do you have ideas about why stuff keeps accumulating? I know I hate to waste stuff, so I can't make myself throw out a perfectly good whatever and I don't always know where to donate things. Joining Buy Nothing and keeping an eye on Freecycle helps me keep things flowing out the door

[Anonymous]

You can do it. One room at a time.
What would motivate you? For me, there was a woman I was making friends with and I really wanted her to like me. I imagined having her and her kids over for a playdate and how impressed she would be if my house looked perfect. Pathetic I know, but it really got me working. And my house looks 100% better even years later.

[Anonymous]

You need A) one big, ruthless purge (if it’s as bad as you say, pay an organizer to help), and B) better systems.

This is what works for us:

For B, you need B.1) a habit of regularly purging problem areas and B.2) everyday maintenance.

B.1: Once a month tackle one problem area (e.g., coat closet, garage, linen closet, your own drawers/closet, kitchen, play room) so that each gets done at least ~2x year. If you stay on top of it, this takes no more than 2 hours and can be knocked out in a weekend morning.
B.2: Every night ensure the main living areas (kitchen, living room) are tidied before you go to bed. Dirty dishes in washer, drying rack cleared, counters cleared and wiped, couch cushions straightened, toys and blankets put away. Make beds every single morning before you leave the house. Clothes get folded and put away as soon as dryer is done. Kids out of season / too small clothes pulled out before going back in drawers and put in a bin dedicated to this. All trash cans in house emptied on trash day. Bathrooms wiped down and counters cleared on trash day. Vacuum 1x/week (forces clearing things on floor). This takes each adult ~15-30 mins total each day; kids expected to contribute!

This is how we do it with two working parents and never feel overwhelmed. You can do it OP!!

[Anonymous]

I know, I know. The immediate PP and the one who said “touch everything once” are neater than me, I can tell.

I can’t touch everything once because there are too many things with no homes. The closets are full. The drawers are full. All the systems need redoing. AND a purge.

I can feel the wave start to swell when it gets hard to tidy for the housecleaner or for guests. That means the storage spaces are overwhelmed and I can’t put everything away because everything doesn’t have an accessible place.

I know I can do it. It just takes so much of my energy and willpower, and then I just feel awful about myself for not having more energy and willpower.

Anyway. To the people who get it, solidarity.

[Anonymous]

We're an ADHD house, and we're 4 in a tiny home. The clutter is out of control, but I refuse to move to a larger house because I know we'll just accumulate more and clutter it again just as badly.

So we live in clutter. That's all. Every year we purge the outgrown stuff, but now the kids are reaching their adult height and things stay for longer. I think this year is the year we finally get rid of all the toys that our youngest has hoarded in her room, even though she doesn't play with them anymore.

The paperwork has a life of its own as well. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

When it gets this bad you don’t clean out the room, you purge the storage area. Make a list of all your storage areas. Pick one, the attic, the closet, a cupboard. Be ruthless and make it as empty as possible.
THEN you can purge. Give away, throw out, just do it.

Then decide what kind of stuff you want to put back in. Slowly, methodically do this so the stuff in storage is related, easy to find and efficiently put away.

Continue to go thru your list of storage areas over a day/week/month. Whatever you can manage.

I find that messy people don’t use their storage correctly, it is filled with junk and then all the stuff that is used regularly has no home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When it gets this bad you don’t clean out the room, you purge the storage area. Make a list of all your storage areas. Pick one, the attic, the closet, a cupboard. Be ruthless and make it as empty as possible.
THEN you can purge. Give away, throw out, just do it.

Then decide what kind of stuff you want to put back in. Slowly, methodically do this so the stuff in storage is related, easy to find and efficiently put away.

Continue to go thru your list of storage areas over a day/week/month. Whatever you can manage.

I find that messy people don’t use their storage correctly, it is filled with junk and then all the stuff that is used regularly has no home.

This is OP - I think this person is right. This morning after whining on here, I did the master closet with a kid underfoot. I got rid of a few big giveaway bags and redid the underbed boxes (purged the summer stuff and put winter stuff in there). It was SO nice to put away the laundry after.

You are right that I don't use my storage correctly. I try. But I tend to feel like oh, there's room in there. So I stick something in there that doesn't really have a proper home, and then it gets harder to get to the homes and things start not getting put away promptly, and it snowballs. By the time I get to the state I'm in now, the things in the closets and storage areas are the very rarely used things that should probably go anyway.

I really do try. My kitchen cabinets and drawers stay very, very neat and tidy. Because I have all the tools/dishes, they all have a place, and I almost never buy more. The pantry, on the other hand, spirals out of control. So I know I can do it if I just manage the stuff. But needs change, sizes change, hobbies come and go etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Okay, it's clear you're overwhelmed. Here's what I'd do - tackle one part of one room at a time. Start with any item that holds storage - drawers, cabinets, dressers, desks, bookcases, whatever.

You can't do the touch once theory right now because there's too much stuff. Get two bags - one for trash and one for donate. So open one drawer or tackle one shelf and toss anything that is broken or missing pieces. Put in donate anything your kids have grown out of or your family won't realistically use. Don't ask your kids if they want to keep things. Make decisions for them. Don't be aspirational - you're never going to actually decorate for July 4th or Valentine's Day, so donate all those decorations. Toss all the artwork from when your kids were little. Take a picture of one thing from each kid. Donate all clothes and shoes people have grown out of or aren't wearing anymore. You won't mend anything so just donate it. Don't be aspirational. Don't make several donate piles for various people - it all goes to ONE place.

Check back in and we can give you next steps after this.