Do you know any high functioning alcoholics who mostly hide it?

[Anonymous]

Just reading that thread on Diane schuler, the drunk mom in the minivan who drove the wrong way on the Taconic. Everyone insisted she was not an obvious alcoholic. Do you think this is possible? I have a friend who is an alcoholic and it’s very obvious and he talks about his dependence and struggles. But I have another friend who I suspect is alcoholic. She’s a super perfectionist so I don’t think she’d ever admit it.

[Anonymous]

When you watch the HBO movie more than once, it becomes very clear that her family—and especially her husband—was in profound denial.

It is painful to see, actually, because you already know how high the price of that denial is.

Once you know what you are looking for? no, there are not long-term, totally unknown to everyone, “high-functioning” alcoholics.

[Anonymous]

I was. No one had any idea how bad things were or my regular consumption patterns. I never day drank or to excess in public. No impact on my job, etc. I quit and now everyone just thinks I turned into a health freak. And in some ways…. I did, I decided to save my own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was. No one had any idea how bad things were or my regular consumption patterns. I never day drank or to excess in public. No impact on my job, etc. I quit and now everyone just thinks I turned into a health freak. And in some ways…. I did, I decided to save my own life.

When did you drink then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was. No one had any idea how bad things were or my regular consumption patterns. I never day drank or to excess in public. No impact on my job, etc. I quit and now everyone just thinks I turned into a health freak. And in some ways…. I did, I decided to save my own life.

Same! My dh had no idea even. I mean he knew I drank at parties but he didn’t know about all the drink I’d drink before we got there. Mostly though I just drank at night 7-11pm I’d have 5-7 drinks. I wasn’t out of control, never had a hangover. I actually was nicer and more fun with my kids once I had a few drinks and could relax. I only liked vodka because it was clear, tasteless (well to me) and didn’t leave a long lasting smell. I drank it with seltzer water.

I never drove drunk though. No one ever said a word to me and I know no one suspected. My friends aren’t shy at saying what they think, my parents neither. I was actually a bit hurt my dh never noticed. I think I was waiting for him to notice and tell me to stop, so I could tell him about how my life was stressful. No one in our extended family ever drinks so I think he didn’t know about alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

My late father was an Olympic level, highest functioning alcoholic while an active duty, high-ranking military officer. Kept getting promoted.

He hid absolutely everything from bottles to his schedule. Drank mostly at home, at night, in the basement.

My friends, classmates and teachers all thought we were the perfect family - I used to get teased about how we were like a 1950s tv show family.

[Anonymous]

My husband.

[Anonymous]

My aunt's admission that she was an alcoholic surprised a lot of people, including myself. She would go to wineries, etc. with briends but the exceswsive drinking mostly occured at home in the evening. She held a job and is a runner. My cousins were young adults and had moved out at this point. My understanding is that my uncle was getting more woried as she polished off a bottle of wine each night, and then when she injured herself one night while drunk he told her she needed help.

I used to work in an office where drinking was highly normalized and suspect a couple of my former colleagues were functional alcoholics. Really brilliant and productive people but the amount they could put down on a regular basis always struck me as off.

[Anonymous]

No. They think they hide it but they don’t. If you grew up with an alcoholic, you always see the signs.

[Anonymous]

If you’ve ever known anyone well who has substance abuse issues, it’s easy to spot.

Really anyone over the age of 40 who drinks regularly has some sort of issue.

Alcohol is a poison. When I see anyone over the age of 35/40 drink a few drinks I assume they deal with a lack of sleep, weight gain, sexual performance issues, fights with their spouse and other nonsense.

Functioning alcoholic just means they are white and graduated college.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my husband, who recently passed away from cirrhosis, had been hiding the true extent of his drinking. I knew he drank too much wine, but it turned out to be a decoy. After he died, I discovered multiple hidden vodka bottles throughout the house. He had been diagnosed with liver disease years ago but kept it a secret from me. None of us suspected a thing, not even his mother or his closest friends.

[Anonymous]

My neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. They think they hide it but they don’t. If you grew up with an alcoholic, you always see the signs.

Yet here are many stories of people whose husbands, parents and friends had no idea until it was too late….

Sorry you had an alcoholic parent but your experience is not universal. Many can and do hide it.

[Anonymous]

Tons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was. No one had any idea how bad things were or my regular consumption patterns. I never day drank or to excess in public. No impact on my job, etc. I quit and now everyone just thinks I turned into a health freak. And in some ways…. I did, I decided to save my own life.

Same! My dh had no idea even. I mean he knew I drank at parties but he didn’t know about all the drink I’d drink before we got there. Mostly though I just drank at night 7-11pm I’d have 5-7 drinks. I wasn’t out of control, never had a hangover. I actually was nicer and more fun with my kids once I had a few drinks and could relax. I only liked vodka because it was clear, tasteless (well to me) and didn’t leave a long lasting smell. I drank it with seltzer water.

I never drove drunk though. No one ever said a word to me and I know no one suspected. My friends aren’t shy at saying what they think, my parents neither. I was actually a bit hurt my dh never noticed. I think I was waiting for him to notice and tell me to stop, so I could tell him about how my life was stressful. No one in our extended family ever drinks so I think he didn’t know about alcoholism.

My DH was like this until he wasn't. Drank completely in private at night at home and would never drive drunk. I grew up so sheltered that I didn't know the signs, but he could be drunk in front of other people also and I don't think they knew.

As the alcoholism took over he started becoming increasingly sloppy in front of other people so everyone could start to tell, and began making increasingly foolhardy decisions.

In recovery now.