Healing avoidant attachment style

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have recommendations for particular types of therapy, actions etc.? Am confronting avoidance issues in my mid-thirties and realizing how much they have terribly affected my relationships and caused lifelong feelings of loneliness. Currently trying to take simple steps to heal it (sharing more with people, deepening my friendships, raising tolerance for failure/mistakes, expressing vulnerability etc.). Both emotional and physical intimacy have always been extremely challenging.

Grew up with one parent who was very critical and hot-and-cold and my coping strategy until recently was always to withdraw and withhold everything. Both parents were loving but extremely distracted and overwhelmed with four kids. I also had a few episodes of eating disorders in the past that got pretty bad and largely went unnoticed and unaddressed (unhealthy coping & withdrawal). I only recently shared some of this history with my current friends and it was a huge relief to share it.

I’m wondering about the potential for long-lasting change and would be curious to hear what has worked for others.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of potential. The key is to find a therapist who is both excellent and with whom you ah e a great rapport. It’s not easy to find.

Btw no one escapes their childhood unscathed. Some are injured to greater and others to lesser degree. But don’t go around thinking you’re the odd one out, because you are not. We all have issues.

[Anonymous]

*have great rapport

[Anonymous]

I am an avoidant but had a very bad childhood. I think it helps that I am not lonely; I am very introverted. I am late 40s. I think this is hard to change. I would not feel like myself if I was different. I tried in the past. I stopped trying a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

There's a website called Attachment Project with lots of good articles.