Severe Depression in Sibling

[Anonymous]

I have a younger sister who has severe depression and social anxiety and has since middle school. She's unemployed and wishes not to live anymore. I've asked her if she plans on hurting herself or ending her life and she has said no, she would never do that to me, but if she were to become ill, she would not seek treatment. Both our parents passed away from different health issues earlier in life and I don't know what I can do. She won't seek therapy because it's been impossible to find and her social anxiety makes putting forth effort next to impossible. She's starting showing symptoms of high blood pressure, but won't get checked out. She's still in her 30s, young and has plenty of life left regardless if she wants it or not. How is this sustainable?

Has anyone here had a sibling like this? What worked for them to "wake them up"? Any hope here?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you and she are going through that. I have no answers for you but it's great that she has you and you care so much.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry she is dealing with this. What are your financial resources? Is she holding down a job? Can she take FMLA in order to work on herself? There are some intensive immersive programs that could help her, but she would need to be on board. Or you could do a mental health intervention and try to convince her to get treatment. It is sooooo hard.

[Anonymous]

One idea to consider ... Might she be willing to check out therapists if you deal with the hassle of finding ones that have appointments, etc.? If so, and you have the bandwidth, look for a kind that you think might work, e.g., ACT.

[Anonymous]

In I'm the same boat as your sister and in my experience my insurance only provides online therapy, which is horrible at best, so I don't bother. The alternative to pay out of pocket is too much for an unemployed person. I can tell myself to be less anxious, which is all they therapists have done but they charge for that piece of advice.

Quite frankly she's probably planning something and if she's like me she's picked a date and is slowly getting her ducks in a row. There is really nothing you can do except listen to her and not abandon her and hope for the best. My sister and parents cannot deal with my depression and just have silently stepped out of my life. I'm ok with that; it's what I expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a younger sister who has severe depression and social anxiety and has since middle school. She's unemployed and wishes not to live anymore. I've asked her if she plans on hurting herself or ending her life and she has said no, she would never do that to me, but if she were to become ill, she would not seek treatment. Both our parents passed away from different health issues earlier in life and I don't know what I can do. She won't seek therapy because it's been impossible to find and her social anxiety makes putting forth effort next to impossible. She's starting showing symptoms of high blood pressure, but won't get checked out. She's still in her 30s, young and has plenty of life left regardless if she wants it or not. How is this sustainable?

Has anyone here had a sibling like this? What worked for them to "wake them up"? Any hope here?

Start letting her go. You cannot make people want to do anything, including live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In I'm the same boat as your sister and in my experience my insurance only provides online therapy, which is horrible at best, so I don't bother. The alternative to pay out of pocket is too much for an unemployed person. I can tell myself to be less anxious, which is all they therapists have done but they charge for that piece of advice.

Quite frankly she's probably planning something and if she's like me she's picked a date and is slowly getting her ducks in a row. There is really nothing you can do except listen to her and not abandon her and hope for the best. My sister and parents cannot deal with my depression and just have silently stepped out of my life. I'm ok with that; it's what I expected.

Please call 988 — please. They will help you through this.

[Anonymous]

I'm dealing with the same with my younger sister and have tried to help but nothing has worked. She no longer responds to texts and will only show up on monthly family zooms sporadically. People have to want their lives.

[Anonymous]

Ketamine or TMS is a life saver. Is she in this area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ketamine or TMS is a life saver. Is she in this area?

She's been this way since she was about 11 or 12 years old. It's all she's known and at this point, won't seek any help. She's resigned herself to always feeling this way, waiting until the day she doesn't wake up anymore. I think makes getting help extra hard when she doesn't see a world that isn't this. She has a cat that she adores (although older now) and a job that's seasonal and she looks forward to (or at least doesn't hate it), but it's not enough to sustain her and I think the extra financial stress only adds to this. I think all I can do is be here, it just sucks how powerless I feel and I want to help her. She's smart and funny and the world is better with her here, I just wish she also wanted to be here, too.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but she's not going to "wake up" and there is nothing you can do to help her. Some people have this path in life.

[Anonymous]

"She's starting showing symptoms of high blood pressure, but won't get checked out."

What signs?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she needs antidepressants. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist and go with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she needs antidepressants. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist and go with her.

She could definitely use some and I think they'd help take the edge off of the worst of it. She's been on them on and off since high school and she says they don't help. I've been trying to get her to try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She's starting showing symptoms of high blood pressure, but won't get checked out."

What signs?

Headaches and vision problems.