Empty nesters - not feeling 'up to code'

[Anonymous]

Spouse has a habit (I say habit because I see the same behavior between his family members) of rapid firing questions when he doesn't feel he's gotten the right response or the response fast enough. Net result is in me getting tongue-tied and stumbling to find the right words, because I don't have time to think. End result is (a) no real conversation has taken place and (b) no real answer has been giving. This is over silly things like will product A work as roofing material for a project I want to do for the house or how much of X do you feel we'll need to complete the project you want done. I ask for his input on things because usually we are paying out of joint funds and I don't want to order material that isn't right for the job, he's very mechanical and understands things I struggle with, and I genuinely respect his input. Usually this results in projects not getting done at all as I end up too intimidated to continue the conversation.

I've said something (again) to him this evening before he went to work out. I am heading up to our second home soon to get things done up there and I have to admit, not having to deal with this kind of behavior is very freeing. My family and lots of friends are up there, and I plan to take the time to finish projects I started this past spring, work on growing my business, and do some organizing, and just enjoy my people.

Am I being too sensitive and should I just ignore?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps it would work better when it comes to projects if you texted/emailed links and then just discussed over text so you have a chance to understand and think? Is he generally kind and supportive, and it's just this one thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse has a habit (I say habit because I see the same behavior between his family members) of rapid firing questions when he doesn't feel he's gotten the right response or the response fast enough. Net result is in me getting tongue-tied and stumbling to find the right words, because I don't have time to think. End result is (a) no real conversation has taken place and (b) no real answer has been giving. This is over silly things like will product A work as roofing material for a project I want to do for the house or how much of X do you feel we'll need to complete the project you want done. I ask for his input on things because usually we are paying out of joint funds and I don't want to order material that isn't right for the job, he's very mechanical and understands things I struggle with, and I genuinely respect his input. Usually this results in projects not getting done at all as I end up too intimidated to continue the conversation.

I've said something (again) to him this evening before he went to work out. I am heading up to our second home soon to get things done up there and I have to admit, not having to deal with this kind of behavior is very freeing. My family and lots of friends are up there, and I plan to take the time to finish projects I started this past spring, work on growing my business, and do some organizing, and just enjoy my people.

Am I being too sensitive and should I just ignore?

Dump him. Huge red flag, and borderline abusive. You can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it would work better when it comes to projects if you texted/emailed links and then just discussed over text so you have a chance to understand and think? Is he generally kind and supportive, and it's just this one thing?

Yes and no. He does kind things but definitely needs to be right about everything.

[Anonymous]

Alot seems to be going go.
Think the space & distance may be a plus here.