Heading for a full-blown midlife crisis

[Anonymous]

My last kid is headed for college. I'm so burned out with work, and I've topped out professionally so it's just a long slog from here til retirement. Can't afford to quit. Can't think of anything I'd rather do to pay the bills. Hobbies leave me cold.

I'm spending work time looking at cheap houses I could afford right now and fantasizing about dumb ways to support myself like, I dunno, breeding border collies or making artisanal jam. I don't actually want to do either of those things; I know that intellectually. But right now it feels like endless dog shit, or a perpetually sticky kitchen, and living on rice and beans would be better than what I have right now.

Did you make a change in a similarly constrained life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My last kid is headed for college. I'm so burned out with work, and I've topped out professionally so it's just a long slog from here til retirement. Can't afford to quit. Can't think of anything I'd rather do to pay the bills. Hobbies leave me cold.

I'm spending work time looking at cheap houses I could afford right now and fantasizing about dumb ways to support myself like, I dunno, breeding border collies or making artisanal jam. I don't actually want to do either of those things; I know that intellectually. But right now it feels like endless dog shit, or a perpetually sticky kitchen, and living on rice and beans would be better than what I have right now.

Did you make a change in a similarly constrained life?

Hey OP. I relate to a lot of this, except that I have 3 more years until my younger kid heads off to college. But I'm in my early 50s and bored with work, and wanting a new challenge (either professional or personal), but also not sure what that looks like and not close to retirement. I, too, find myself fantasizing about random new endeavors: running a hostel abroad; selling gourmet soup (I guess that's my version of artisanal jam); becoming a yoga instructor (I hate yoga!). I don't have any answers, but would love to continue this conversation virtually with others who feel the same way. (Also, I love your metaphor of the perpetually sticky kitchen, lol.) Good luck to both of us -- and any others who are in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

I think most of us feel that way at that time in our lives. At least, everyone I know!

[Anonymous]

Same same same.

I would actually quit in a heartbeat to make artisanal jam and teach yoga if I thought either of those would make a living wage.

I’m trying out a personal challenge instead to keep my brain occupied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same same same.

I would actually quit in a heartbeat to make artisanal jam and teach yoga if I thought either of those would make a living wage.

I’m trying out a personal challenge instead to keep my brain occupied.

Care to share what your personal challenge is? I need inspiration!

[Anonymous]

Are you taking therapy or an antidepressant? Two years ago I felt like I was on an endless treadmill (long slog) of work, childcare, eldercare, and it was work, work, work and I was quite depressed. I started worrying I would have a melt down and leave my entire family and job and got on the smallest dose of lexapro which has helped me so much. Maybe you really do want a major change and that's okay, but also just want to point out that sometimes it's okay to ask for help or go on a vacation, explore a new place, try out a new hobby around town first before jumping off the deep end. You could just be bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you taking therapy or an antidepressant? Two years ago I felt like I was on an endless treadmill (long slog) of work, childcare, eldercare, and it was work, work, work and I was quite depressed. I started worrying I would have a melt down and leave my entire family and job and got on the smallest dose of lexapro which has helped me so much. Maybe you really do want a major change and that's okay, but also just want to point out that sometimes it's okay to ask for help or go on a vacation, explore a new place, try out a new hobby around town first before jumping off the deep end. You could just be bored.

Oh I'm definitely bored. Existentially bored. And yes, already on an antidepressant. I don't need help in a domestic sense; my responsibilities aren't overwhelming or anything. Just boring.

I love a vacation-- travel is my joy-- but it's all waiting for me when I get home. The boring job, of course. The aging parents. The stupid DC social norm of "I'm slammed these days, what's your schedule like in September."

I just want to say f(u)ck it and leave and start fresh. But how/ where/ then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same same same.

I would actually quit in a heartbeat to make artisanal jam and teach yoga if I thought either of those would make a living wage.

I’m trying out a personal challenge instead to keep my brain occupied.

Care to share what your personal challenge is? I need inspiration!

I’m really committing to my fitness and I’m writing a really trashy romance novel. (Not to publish, just because it’s fun)

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did. I took the leap and only work part time at a job I love, and live frugally. The time I have is literally priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. I took the leap and only work part time at a job I love, and live frugally. The time I have is literally priceless.

What do you do with the balance of your time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. I took the leap and only work part time at a job I love, and live frugally. The time I have is literally priceless.

What do you do with the balance of your time? [/quote

Spend time with family, doing things I enjoy - cooking, outdoors, hobbies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My last kid is headed for college. I'm so burned out with work, and I've topped out professionally so it's just a long slog from here til retirement. Can't afford to quit. Can't think of anything I'd rather do to pay the bills. Hobbies leave me cold.

I'm spending work time looking at cheap houses I could afford right now and fantasizing about dumb ways to support myself like, I dunno, breeding border collies or making artisanal jam. I don't actually want to do either of those things; I know that intellectually. But right now it feels like endless dog shit, or a perpetually sticky kitchen, and living on rice and beans would be better than what I have right now.

Did you make a change in a similarly constrained life?

Fix that part first. Quit wasting money.

And you cannot support your lavish lifestyle on puppies and jam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My last kid is headed for college. I'm so burned out with work, and I've topped out professionally so it's just a long slog from here til retirement. Can't afford to quit. Can't think of anything I'd rather do to pay the bills. Hobbies leave me cold.

I'm spending work time looking at cheap houses I could afford right now and fantasizing about dumb ways to support myself like, I dunno, breeding border collies or making artisanal jam. I don't actually want to do either of those things; I know that intellectually. But right now it feels like endless dog shit, or a perpetually sticky kitchen, and living on rice and beans would be better than what I have right now.

Did you make a change in a similarly constrained life?

Fix that part first. Quit wasting money.

And you cannot support your lavish lifestyle on puppies and jam.

I'm so glad you chimed in... It's all clear now!

[Anonymous]

how old are you?

[Anonymous]

I’ve had that feeling for a while now (age 48). In an effort to fix it, I took a new, more challenging job. It’s still boring, I’m just busier. Not happier either. And still dreaming of quitting to work at IKEA or do freelance writing (I’m not a professional writer). On the plus side, the new job brings retirement closer financially and makes me a better candidate for future part-time employment in my field.