Why do people complain about their spouses in public?

[Anonymous]

We were at a birthday party this past weekend, parents are divorced. Wife was complaining to other parents in front of her ex, about how the ex didn’t do a bunch of party related things that she had envisioned. She was also pointing at other men at the party and saying to him “see, this husband is [doing the thing she wished he were doing].” It was little things like helping unpack water bottles, etc.

Then at a dinner party, a guy friend was complaining about his wife’s financial preferences—she wanted to hold onto their old house while he thought they should sell; but it was the way he was presenting it that made it seem like the wife was being unreasonable when really it’s not an obvious choice especially in this environment.

A third friend was complaining about his wife never letting him go on guy trips (this friend is absolutely devoted to her and a total nerd, he wanted to go to some rare electric vehicle show with one friend for two nights).

Why do people do this?

[Anonymous]

Misery loves, and seeks, company.

[Anonymous]

Cry for help

They are neglected

[Anonymous]

Ha. My dh and I often tease each other often and complain a bit about each other in public. It’s normal to us. We love each other though so don’t worry, we are ok. IME it’s often the couples who act like everything is perfect are the ones where you find the dh has another family across town etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Misery loves, and seeks, company.

It’s not misery. It’s real life. Those of us in long term relationships love our spouses but can also laugh about the stuff that bugs us

[Anonymous]

They don't have anyone else to talk to about it.

If the relationship is very dysfunctional, they may be gaslit a lot within the relationship so making these disputes public may be an effort to bring reality in for a partner who never admits they are wrong or who constantly DARVOs them.

It's messy but probably not illogical.

[Anonymous]

I don't have much patience for people who can't bear to hear someone say a single negative thing about their spouse or kids. It's okay to blow off steam.

If a couple is openly fighting in front of other people, that's different. But just a little comment here or there? Who cares?

[Anonymous]

I find it strange to care about this. Unless a couple is having a huge fight, who cares? Most of my couple friends are confident in their relationships and can tease and complain a little about each other. It’s NBD. I’ve found it’s the insecure ones that are more easily offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have much patience for people who can't bear to hear someone say a single negative thing about their spouse or kids. It's okay to blow off steam.

If a couple is openly fighting in front of other people, that's different. But just a little comment here or there? Who cares?

It's low class and tacky to complain about your spouse to other people.

When you share bad stuff about your spouse to your friends and others, they will only remember the negative and have a hard time liking or tolerating your spouse. They're going to remember every bit of the negative. I despise some spouses of the women I know because of things they've complained about. It completely undermines your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have much patience for people who can't bear to hear someone say a single negative thing about their spouse or kids. It's okay to blow off steam.

If a couple is openly fighting in front of other people, that's different. But just a little comment here or there? Who cares?

It's low class and tacky to complain about your spouse to other people.

When you share bad stuff about your spouse to your friends and others, they will only remember the negative and have a hard time liking or tolerating your spouse. They're going to remember every bit of the negative. I despise some spouses of the women I know because of things they've complained about. It completely undermines your spouse.

This. Plus who wants to HEAR that at a kids bday party, sports game, practices, the cookout? No one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have much patience for people who can't bear to hear someone say a single negative thing about their spouse or kids. It's okay to blow off steam.

If a couple is openly fighting in front of other people, that's different. But just a little comment here or there? Who cares?

It's low class and tacky to complain about your spouse to other people.

When you share bad stuff about your spouse to your friends and others, they will only remember the negative and have a hard time liking or tolerating your spouse. They're going to remember every bit of the negative. I despise some spouses of the women I know because of things they've complained about. It completely undermines your spouse.

This. Plus who wants to HEAR that at a kids bday party, sports game, practices, the cookout? No one.

I agree and I'll add that it always makes me very uncomfortable when someone complains about their spouse. It's just not something you should do to other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have much patience for people who can't bear to hear someone say a single negative thing about their spouse or kids. It's okay to blow off steam.

If a couple is openly fighting in front of other people, that's different. But just a little comment here or there? Who cares?

It's low class and tacky to complain about your spouse to other people.

When you share bad stuff about your spouse to your friends and others, they will only remember the negative and have a hard time liking or tolerating your spouse. They're going to remember every bit of the negative. I despise some spouses of the women I know because of things they've complained about. It completely undermines your spouse.

This. Plus who wants to HEAR that at a kids bday party, sports game, practices, the cookout? No one.

And this is why no one has any real friends or sense of community. We can only talk about sunshine and lollipops apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have much patience for people who can't bear to hear someone say a single negative thing about their spouse or kids. It's okay to blow off steam.

If a couple is openly fighting in front of other people, that's different. But just a little comment here or there? Who cares?

It's low class and tacky to complain about your spouse to other people.

When you share bad stuff about your spouse to your friends and others, they will only remember the negative and have a hard time liking or tolerating your spouse. They're going to remember every bit of the negative. I despise some spouses of the women I know because of things they've complained about. It completely undermines your spouse.

This. Plus who wants to HEAR that at a kids bday party, sports game, practices, the cookout? No one.

And this is why no one has any real friends or sense of community. We can only talk about sunshine and lollipops apparently.

It's one thing to confide in your close friend one-on-one and entirely different beast to berate your spouse at a kid's birthday party. Most people there are not even your friends, much less close to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have much patience for people who can't bear to hear someone say a single negative thing about their spouse or kids. It's okay to blow off steam.

If a couple is openly fighting in front of other people, that's different. But just a little comment here or there? Who cares?

It's low class and tacky to complain about your spouse to other people.

When you share bad stuff about your spouse to your friends and others, they will only remember the negative and have a hard time liking or tolerating your spouse. They're going to remember every bit of the negative. I despise some spouses of the women I know because of things they've complained about. It completely undermines your spouse.

This. Plus who wants to HEAR that at a kids bday party, sports game, practices, the cookout? No one.

I hear you. However, I don't want to hear about what your spouse didn't do or his shortcomings at either of the places listed above.
Read the room when DUMPING on folks.
That's all.



And this is why no one has any real friends or sense of community. We can only talk about sunshine and lollipops apparently.

[Anonymous]

Lol