We Always Have to Visit DW's Aunt

[Anonymous]

My DW has an aunt who lives in a town about 45 minutes away from us, and is a place that tends to be along the way for other destinations that we like to go to. Every time we pass through her town, we have to stop and visit, regardless of any other circumstances, timing, etc. Her aunt is very nice, but visits tend to drag on and are very redundant time after time. She never married and tends to be very attention starved which leads to her talking for hours when we're there. She's in her late sixties and is perfectly healthy, so it's not one of those "the next visit could be the last" scenarios. The one time I suggested that we drive straight to our destination since we were meeting another family at a skiing destination and our kids were excited to see their friends and explore the area, my DW seemed incredulous that I would suggest that we not see her aunt.

The thing is, I don't even know how much my DW even wants to visit this aunt, but she doesn't want to deal with the fallout from her parents that might happen if they found out that we drove through the aunts town without stopping.

Do other families operate this way in that you always have to stop and visit someone every time you drive through their town? Is this just something I have to accept? Is there a reasonable middle ground, like we see the aunt once every three months?

[Anonymous]

Take separate cars, otherwise deal.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is kind-hearted and charitable. I would feel terrible, since clearly the poor lady needs the visits, but yes, maybe skip some and tell your wife that no one needs to know. How on earth would her parents find out?

[Anonymous]

Look, you are teaching your kids to be nice and visit old people. Don't complain about it in front of your kids. You want them to visit you when you are old, right?

[Anonymous]

Do you have to visit on the way out and the way back, or just one? Because the first is over the top, IMO, but the second is modeling kindness for your kids and being kind to a lonely old person, which is worth it even if it is a bit boring and redundant.

[Anonymous]

Keep up the visits and remember you are visiting a nice, lonely, older lady?

Can you plan an activity? I feel these types of visits are much better when you do something - would she be up for a puzzle or cards or a board game? Does she have any hobbies she can share with your kids? A favorite movie? Is there something special you could take or make for lunch?

[Anonymous]

I have an aunt like this. She loves my kids and I appreciate that but she can be a lot, like, really a lot. Regardless, we make time for her in our lives because we are really the only family she has and it's the right thing to do. If nothing else, I'd like to think that I'm teaching my kids empathy and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Do you not have elderly family members? Your wife has values and one of them is family. She woukd fit innon my family. She's also teaching your kids.

Why don't you drive seperately if it bothers you that much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW has an aunt who lives in a town about 45 minutes away from us, and is a place that tends to be along the way for other destinations that we like to go to. Every time we pass through her town, we have to stop and visit, regardless of any other circumstances, timing, etc. Her aunt is very nice, but visits tend to drag on and are very redundant time after time. She never married and tends to be very attention starved which leads to her talking for hours when we're there. She's in her late sixties and is perfectly healthy, so it's not one of those "the next visit could be the last" scenarios. The one time I suggested that we drive straight to our destination since we were meeting another family at a skiing destination and our kids were excited to see their friends and explore the area, my DW seemed incredulous that I would suggest that we not see her aunt.

The thing is, I don't even know how much my DW even wants to visit this aunt, but she doesn't want to deal with the fallout from her parents that might happen if they found out that we drove through the aunts town without stopping.

Do other families operate this way in that you always have to stop and visit someone every time you drive through their town? Is this just something I have to accept? Is there a reasonable middle ground, like we see the aunt once every three months?

I think it great that your DW is prioritizing these visits, however, it sounds like she’s also very rigid about having to do it every single time you drive through her town.

How often are you going through the aunts town OP? Once every two months would be much different than twice a week.

[Anonymous]

I actually think you save time by making the stop on the way (rather than driving back and forth consistently).

Consider that and let the visits continue, I think. Annoying but harmless.

[Anonymous]

Regardless, sounds like your wife needs to stop telling her relatives where she’s going every time she leaves the house

[Anonymous]

Learn to streamline the visits and goodbyes. Agree beforehand that a 30-minute (or however long) visit works best for your schedule, and then get up and say your goodbye at that time and get going. If DW lingers or if aunt detains her, say I'll wait in the car and take the kids outside.

I have some ILs that can take forever to say goodbye. It's frustrating b/c then it makes the visits less appealing. Learn the art of efficient visits and you'll resent it less.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is afraid if you skip it once, it will become habit.

[Anonymous]

Be a decent human being

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should have to stop and visit every single time.

Discuss with your wife.