How to get over emotional attachment at work

[Anonymous]

I know this sounds immature and I'm surprised I'm in this position. I work closely with a woman and we have become very close friends. I'm single. She is married but her marriage sounds to be too deteriorated to save, and she has been actively considering divorce; she might even be in an open marriage by now (no kids). For some time I have developed feelings and an emotional attachment. Since she is still married, since it's in the workplace, and since the feelings are likely not reciprocated, I just supressed them and simply enjoyed the friendship. In recent month, she and a newer colleague in our team (single) have become very close and it is obvious there is strong mutual attraction between them. It's possible they are romantic. To my surprise, I am affected by this. I interact with her constantly every day due to our roles in the company, and i see their interactions, so it's difficult to put distance. Changing jobs is not in the cards. Any advice to get over this attraction / attachment would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

You have good judgments.

You are watching someone very unhappy somewhat looking to change their life.

Even though this person may have attractive qualities, the fact that they are now borderline obviously attracted to someone else at work suggests they don't have good judgment.

It's hard to live happily in the middle of someone else's trainwreck. So just physically distance yourself, don't watch the person, and go back to looking for a person to date outside the office.

Just think it through. What if you were with this person for real, and things got rocky. What would you expect them to do?

Maybe find a thought to switch to whenever you have bothersome thoughts. Something ridiculous that breaks the mood.

You could go read chumplady.com or r/divorce if you want to be horrified away from temptation.

[Anonymous]

I’d avoid this coworker. To include keeping your interactions strictly on work related matters

She sounds messy.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I'm trying to, but we interact several times a day for work, and it's difficult to keep things strictly work related. Given the emotional connection, the interactions naturally veer into non-work issues.

[Anonymous]

I’d be skeptical about whatever she’s telling you about the state of her marriage. Cheaters are adept at rewriting history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I'm trying to, but we interact several times a day for work, and it's difficult to keep things strictly work related. Given the emotional connection, the interactions naturally veer into non-work issues.

This will probably all blow up in the other guy's face, and then you won't feel so jealous.

[Anonymous]

Look, this sounds like a woman who is unhappy in her relationship and looking for attention.

If you actually care about her and would actually want a healthy relationship with her, you should give her the space to finish her existing relationship and heal before moving in. She definitely could end up resenting you if not.

If she is so fickle or so not into you that she jumps ship to this new colleague - she isn’t the person you have built her up to be.

You just should let it go. I think the easiest way to get over jealousy is to really look at someone’s flaws and acknowledge them. When you see them for the good and bad, it makes it easier to not feel like you are missing something with the version of the person you have built up in your head.

[Anonymous]

Just realize that this woman would be a train wreck and mess up your life. She is crossing boundaries with at least two men at work all the while in a floundering marriage. That isn’t someone who makes good decisions or treats people well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just realize that this woman would be a train wreck and mess up your life. She is crossing boundaries with at least two men at work all the while in a floundering marriage. That isn’t someone who makes good decisions or treats people well.

This. Some people are messy. Don't invite that into your life.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I have to echo PPs; her boundaries are pretty messed up. The fact that’s shes dumping details of her personal life on a colleague and being obvious about her attraction to another, all while she’s married…this is messy and unprofessional. You shouldn’t know all that stuff about her marriage.

If I were your friend or family member, I would not want this for you. It’s a mess. I would focus on finding someone available and in a healthier mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I’d avoid this coworker. To include keeping your interactions strictly on work related matters

She sounds messy.

She sounds messy because he's being a creep, monitoring her engagement with other co-workers, projecting his insecurities onto it, and getting butthurt and entitled about a whole-ass human being who was never his (because he never even tried for whatever it was he wanted)?

It's messy, but it's not HER mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds immature and I'm surprised I'm in this position. I work closely with a woman and we have become very close friends. I'm single. She is married but her marriage sounds to be too deteriorated to save, and she has been actively considering divorce; she might even be in an open marriage by now (no kids). For some time I have developed feelings and an emotional attachment. Since she is still married, since it's in the workplace, and since the feelings are likely not reciprocated, I just supressed them and simply enjoyed the friendship. In recent month, she and a newer colleague in our team (single) have become very close and it is obvious there is strong mutual attraction between them. It's possible they are romantic. To my surprise, I am affected by this. I interact with her constantly every day due to our roles in the company, and i see their interactions, so it's difficult to put distance. Changing jobs is not in the cards. Any advice to get over this attraction / attachment would be appreciated.

It is immature, and entitled, and way the hell out of line to be this invested in what you perceive of/project onto your co-workers relationships.

Do what you should've done in the first place: MYOB and just do your damned job. Correct the one person you're responsible for controlling. You.

[Anonymous]

What sort of incel nonsense is this??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’d avoid this coworker. To include keeping your interactions strictly on work related matters

She sounds messy.

She sounds messy because he's being a creep, monitoring her engagement with other co-workers, projecting his insecurities onto it, and getting butthurt and entitled about a whole-ass human being who was never his (because he never even tried for whatever it was he wanted)?

It's messy, but it's not HER mess.

This.

[Anonymous]

While others are fighting about who’s mess this is, I see a threesome opportunity.