Mom disappointed with independent living facility

[Anonymous]

I feel like we got the bait and switch at mom’s independent living facility. There’s a daily list of activities but she’s always the only one there. No one shows up. She wanted an active community - which is how they sold it - but this is not it. She keeps complaining about how old everyone is. She has some aphasia following a stroke and can’t live alone, but I feel like we were bamboozled. So many walkers and aides! It’s not assisted living but it sure seems like it.

[Anonymous]

Didn't she visit?

[Anonymous]

Can you switch her?

[Anonymous]

She just moved in and I think it would be stressful given her aphasia and cognitive stuff going on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we got the bait and switch at mom’s independent living facility. There’s a daily list of activities but she’s always the only one there. No one shows up. She wanted an active community - which is how they sold it - but this is not it. She keeps complaining about how old everyone is. She has some aphasia following a stroke and can’t live alone, but I feel like we were bamboozled. So many walkers and aides! It’s not assisted living but it sure seems like it.

They are all the same--same vibe, same quality of staff (not good), bad food, etc. So no point in moving.

[Anonymous]

The really established, highly rated (and expensive) ones like Kensington Park Senior Living ones have tons of activities both onsite and via field trips (they have simultaneous activities) that include guest lecturers, in-house classes/courses, etc. My impression was that the residents were exhausted by the end of the day. All the other places sort of phone in the activities with bingo, coloring, group exercises, singing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's not the fault of the facility. There may be a calendar with lots of activities planned (by good, enthusiastic staff/people) and yet if not one shows up, it's not successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The really established, highly rated (and expensive) ones like Kensington Park Senior Living ones have tons of activities both onsite and via field trips (they have simultaneous activities) that include guest lecturers, in-house classes/courses, etc. My impression was that the residents were exhausted by the end of the day. All the other places sort of phone in the activities with bingo, coloring, group exercises, singing, etc.

This. However, even with the ones that aren't as great with activities I saw some residents having a ball. It's about attitude too.

I hated camp, sometimes didn't like school, but I didn't get to choose. I learned to make the best of it. Often their dislike is about life stage and the best thing you can do is help them focus on the good, bring a favorite food/share a favorite memory, be a positive distraction, change the subject and then learn to accept that sometimes you cannot please.

[Anonymous]

1) give it time
2) in the intermediate time, can you hire someone from Naborforce to take your mom out and do stuff for a while?
3) if you decide to switch, make to sure visit places several times, and not just on tours. Get the monthly schedule of activities and then show up and see if they are actually doing it.

My mom's AL facility was a real mix, there were the active folks who had the wine club and did stuff both with the facility and independently, but there were plenty of aides and walkers as well. However, I would say that things ebbed and flowed--people declined, moved to memory care (like my mom), etc, and then a new bunch would come in.

[Anonymous]

It's possible that the current residents have aged out of activities OP, and that newer residents (like your mom) will be the ones to participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we got the bait and switch at mom’s independent living facility. There’s a daily list of activities but she’s always the only one there. No one shows up. She wanted an active community - which is how they sold it - but this is not it. She keeps complaining about how old everyone is. She has some aphasia following a stroke and can’t live alone, but I feel like we were bamboozled. So many walkers and aides! It’s not assisted living but it sure seems like it.

Tell her too bad. I am sure there are activities, she probably just is not participating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we got the bait and switch at mom’s independent living facility. There’s a daily list of activities but she’s always the only one there. No one shows up. She wanted an active community - which is how they sold it - but this is not it. She keeps complaining about how old everyone is. She has some aphasia following a stroke and can’t live alone, but I feel like we were bamboozled. So many walkers and aides! It’s not assisted living but it sure seems like it.

I think you need to visit yourself a few times and show up to the activities. My mother lied A LOT to pull at our heart strings. My mother also complains about how old people are. Many of those old people are more energetic and active than she is-those younger and those older than she is. I guarantee you if she were aging in place with aides or aging in your home she would complain a lot. Don't enable her. Figure out the situation for yourself and consider hiring a consultant if needed.

[Anonymous]

Brightview Dulles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The really established, highly rated (and expensive) ones like Kensington Park Senior Living ones have tons of activities both onsite and via field trips (they have simultaneous activities) that include guest lecturers, in-house classes/courses, etc. My impression was that the residents were exhausted by the end of the day. All the other places sort of phone in the activities with bingo, coloring, group exercises, singing, etc.

This. However, even with the ones that aren't as great with activities I saw some residents having a ball. It's about attitude too.

I hated camp, sometimes didn't like school, but I didn't get to choose. I learned to make the best of it. Often their dislike is about life stage and the best thing you can do is help them focus on the good, bring a favorite food/share a favorite memory, be a positive distraction, change the subject and then learn to accept that sometimes you cannot please.

I went and visited to my mom today and glanced at their activities schedule (mind you they have a new Activities Director and newish activities helper, but they all seem the same). Here was the fun:

Morning exercise
A religious class with a nun
Bingo (resident led)
Scrabble (resident led)
Evening movie


Very creative. Begs to question why do you need a Director and a helper. All this for $8500/month

[Anonymous]

A lot it is resident run where my dad lives too.