teens first girlfriend?
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Anonymous
| My teen has gotten their first girlfriend and I am very happy for them. I was wondering how to go about it though. Not in a punishment or overbearing kind of way but I want to support them and make it easy for them to open up about it in case of a need for advice. We talk and are close but we do not talk about these things often so I just want to make them as comfortable as possible. If any of you could share tips that'd be great. |
Anonymous
| Why can't you pick a pronoun? You talk differently to boys than girls. |
Anonymous
They are not a boy. (OP) |
Anonymous
So a girl has her first lesbian relationship? Why not reach out to PFLAG and see what they suggest then? |
Anonymous
They are not a girl either. My child is non-binary. |
Anonymous
OP I posted to this forum because this is one for teen/tween. I didn't think I need to change forums because them being the LGBTQ+ community doesn't have much to do with the post. When I ask for advice I ask as the mother of a child and not specifically the mother of a non-binary teen. Sexuality has nothing to do with the advice I'm looking for. |
Anonymous
| If you don't already know your child's girlfriend ask your child about her a bit let them know that you're happy for them. If they don't want to talk about it definitely don't force it. |
Anonymous
If you already have a good relationship with your teen, then it's fairly easy. Before my 16 yr old met her boyfriend, she was already talking to me about her friends, school, etc. just because we had that kind of relationship. Don't ask questions like you're interviewing or prying. Talk to them like a friend. Be naturally interested. Talk about yourself, how you were in HS and your own experiences. Do things together. The best conversations my daughter and I have happen in the car when it's just the 2 of us on our way to or back from shopping. |
Anonymous
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Do as you've always done as far as communication and set ground rules. For us, for our boys and our girl, the rules were the same:
-cannot be upstairs (bedrooms are upstairs in our home) -if in the basement/teen hang out area, the door to the basement must be left open and know that we will pop in at some point (laundry and 2nd refrigerator are down there) -cannot be at each other's homes if there is no parent at home |
Anonymous
I hear you OP, but there are some different concerns. For instance if it's DD in relationship with a boy, i would talk about concerns around pregnancy. Would also talk to DS about that too but it directly impacts the life of a girl more than a boy. Of course irrespective of gender/sexuality you advice to delay that as long as possible. |
Anonymous
| Know there will be some lying and don't hold it against them, as a personal failing. Or as a personal affront to you. You will think you have a relationship of trust with these young people. They want their privacy. |
Anonymous
| Does your kid have XX or XY chromosomes? Does their partner have XX or XY chromosomes? |
Anonymous
Of course it does. You’re asking about teen relationships. If you can’t be open and honest with people about the situation then you’ve already failed as a parent. How you approach teen relationships is very different if it’s F-M M-M F-F . You don’t change the psychological and physiological differences just because they start calling themselves non-binary. Try this- my child is non binary born female. Or my daughter (now non binary). The way you’re talking about it currently sounds like you’re embarrassed to provide the sex of your child. |
Anonymous
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How old are these kids? Rules for 17 should be different than for 14. But it never hurts to be a little more restrictive at first bc you can always dial back. First relationships often have no brakes and it’s important to slow them down, which is also helping model healthy behavior to them - healthy relationships do not go from zero to together 24/7. Make sure your kid spends times with friends without girlfriend and also time with activities and hobbies without her, which usually means “hey you csn hang out with Larla 3x a week” or whatever.
As for non binary or lgbtq I do think it’s important to know if pregnancy is a concern, just bc that’s a whole discussion and prevention step. But also two girls - ok ok non binary but born girl in that case is usually just a not as feminine girl, which in our day just meant a tomboy or lesbian, really all this non binary stuff is born from Gen Z’s overly rigid gender roles but I digress - parents often change the rules they would have for their daughters when dating girls than if it was boys, and that’s a mistake. Don’t allow sleepovers just bc it’s two girls, bc it causes things to get too intense too quickly which in my experience two girl relationships are prone to. Ever heard the joke about what lesbians bring to a second date (a moving truck) - it’s true ! Boys usually are better about keeping some personal space with friends and hobbies so watch out and keep having discussions about what a healthy relationship looks like. |
Anonymous
My child has both XX & XY chromosomes (Intersex) and their girlfriend has XX. |