Slow fading friend
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Anonymous
| I feel like my friend is slow fading me. We hit it off and got pretty close and then she seemed to get annoyed with me and was doing a slow fade type of responding. We are different, it hasn’t been a long friendship, but I’d still like to be friends. Should I call her out and be like what’s going on? Or are slow fade types the kind that can’t have real discussions and I shouldn’t bother? |
Anonymous
| What context? Usually with slow fade people I wait till I'm doing something with them in person to reinitiate contact and then see how enthusiastic the other person is to talk with me. |
Anonymous
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There are a few people who I thought were slow fading me but they just had a lot going on. If you have a busy stressful job, 2-3 kids, aging parents and a not so great marriage, hanging out with a not so good new friend may not be the priority. These friends often come back even if it is a year or two later.
I have been slow fading a few friends I’m not fond of anymore. We may have bonded when our kids were younger. Now that the kids are older and not friends, I see them less and have less in common. I dropped the ones I never truly liked, but hung out with due to kids. |
Anonymous
| It depends. If you’re a narcissistic/bpd type, it’s not worth her time to be real with you and explain her actions. |
Anonymous
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"hey, you seemed kind of annoyed with me - did I do something to upset you?"
Just be straightforward. |
Anonymous
Yes that’s what I did. That’s what I’m realizing - maybe the type of people who slow fade can’t handle straightforward conversations. |
Anonymous
Straightforward conversations are for friends and/or for people whom you feel would be receptive to your potential issues. Why sit and converse with an incompatible acquaintance and go through a laundry list of things they did to upset or are not a vibe for you? It feels negative, awkward and unproductive. Unless they ask, care to know and can handle your feedback. Otherwise, slow fade speaks volumes. So deal with it and move on. |
Anonymous
Some people can't - some people who can't handle confrontation consider being straight forward to be a confrontational discussion. Maybe this is just not the right person for you. Focus your attentions instead on the people who want to be your friends. |
Anonymous
| Take the slow fade hint. What would you gain from a confrontation? |
Anonymous
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I did the slow fade. I was friend with somebody from work and then covid hit and they kind of upped the friendship - like taking it outside of the office. Fine, that seemed reasonable. He was going through a rough time with his divorce. But after a while I realized I didn't want that. So after a couple years of being friends and doing the occasional something out of the office I backed waaaaay off. I was too busy. I stopped sharing things about myself. Only answered their messages, didn't initiate.
What a relief. We are still friendly. But not having to hear him complain about his life - totally worth it for me. On the other hand, I had my best friend in HS ghost me. That was horrible. I still wonder what happened to her. Oh well. |
Anonymous
Or maybe there is no point in a straightforward conversation. I'm still friendly with the person I slow faded - but we aren't close, which is what I wanted. Why have that painful conversation with somebody to say "I just don't like you enough to be this close" ... wow. Then they would have asked what they can do, how can they change to keep me as a close friend. Nothing. The answer is nothing. I don't want to be close. So why should I have a whole conversation to get there? That conversation suggests that there is a possibility of close friendship. There is not. |
Anonymous
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Slow fading only works if the other person gets it. If the new friendship means enough to you -- have the Convo.. If not, take the hint and move on. |