Does your friend group sometimes do things in smaller groups?

[Anonymous]

I'm close with three other women and our spouses. I found out that tonight just two of them are going out with their husbands for dinner.
When things like this happen, a pang takes me right back to middle school even though I am 40. I get a feeling of "being left out" and wonder why we weren't asked, and I spiral: Am I not as funny or interesting as them? Why them and not us?

I'm wondering why this happens, if this happens to others, if this is a sign that we're being left out...and how to cope. :/

[Anonymous]

You need to work through your insecurities. People are allowed to socialize with who they want. You cannot control this. These people are your friends, not your hostages. Develop multiple small groups of friends to avoid this from bothering you so much.

[Anonymous]

Another woman was left out too, right? I’d be more bothered if all 3 went out and I was the only one excluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another woman was left out too, right? I’d be more bothered if all 3 went out and I was the only one excluded.

Yes, two couples going, two not. FWIW the two couples going met in college

[Anonymous]

In your middle school group, whereby there pairs that were closer than others? My group was mostly drama free but there were multiple pairs of best friends within.

As an adult, this does happen in my friend groups sometimes. No one advertises it. Some of the husbands get along while others don’t. Same with the kids. And getting together with one couple is much easier to organize than with 4. So, some do get together in smaller groups, just like for some in the group, this is their main friend group and for others, they also have a closer group of college friends or whatever the case may be.

I think as long as it’s not intentional and you all still hang out, it’s ok, though I understand how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Yes we do and yes it kinda hurts when you’re the one of the ones left out.
I’m 52. I remind myself that I don’t invite everyone to everything because it would just be too large a group. Space might be an issue, or more coordination/organization on my part that I’m not interested in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we do and yes it kinda hurts when you’re the one of the ones left out.
I’m 52. I remind myself that I don’t invite everyone to everything because it would just be too large a group. Space might be an issue, or more coordination/organization on my part that I’m not interested in.

I agree with this. It is still allowed to sting. Feel the sting, remind yourself of reality, move on.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, you’re acting like a 13yo. Grow up. Of course people do things in different groups
and configurations. Maybe they find you immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, you’re acting like a 13yo. Grow up. Of course people do things in different groups
and configurations. Maybe they find you immature.

You seem so pleasant, so deeply compassionate, and so very kind. I bet people find you lovely to be around as well!

[Anonymous]

OP, recognize that you seem to be focused on the one woman who you think did the inviting. That this one woman chose another woman over you.

[Anonymous]

It's probably that the husbands have an easier relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, recognize that you seem to be focused on the one woman who you think did the inviting. That this one woman chose another woman over you.

Are you a romance novelist?