Cut before tournament

[Anonymous]

My child’s travel organization held tryouts for next year’s team (season starts in August) the week before my child’s team’s last tournament for this season. The team didn’t even practice, just had tryouts. For reasons irrelevant to my question, the organization combined ages and my child’s was the youngest birth year included (MS age). My child was cut along with at least 1 other from their current team. They are, of course, devastated. It’s an out of town tournament (went from fun to dreading) and will not have any team activities before the first game.

I’ve been friendly with the other parents. The kids have played together for multiple years. Questions will be asked: “how’s your kid doing?” “Plans for next year? etc.” I have no interest in answering them, but have to remain friendly. There’s not another travel program in our small town. My child still loves the sport and we will see them again. My child will probably tryout again next year. What are some lines that I can use where I don’t sound snarky while also not answering the questions?

[Anonymous]

Honestly you should just own it, and try not to sound bitter. Kids get cut all the time, kids don’t get into the college they wanted, adults don’t always get jobs they want, that’s just life. Of course you don’t want your kid to be disappointed, but would you ever be bitter about another kid going to uva and yours going to gmu? No. That’s silly on multiple levels.
If anyone asks, just be honest— “Marla was disappointed and we are looking at other options for next year. It’s tough because the options are so limited. But he/she still really wants to play so we will figure it out. How about you guys?”

[Anonymous]

I think you will be surprised- not many will ask, if any! BTDT. Awkward for everyone.

Chat about other things instead- summer vacation plans etc.

[Anonymous]

Agree with just own it, and most probably wont ask. "He unfortunately didn't get a spot. Im not sure what our plans are for next year yet".

I don't know what sport this is, but I know its a small world and you might run in to them again. Resist bad mouthing anyone. Resist crying in front of them. Remind your kid he was chosen and is good enough for this tournament. Just show up and play then go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with just own it, and most probably wont ask. "He unfortunately didn't get a spot. Im not sure what our plans are for next year yet".

I don't know what sport this is, but I know its a small world and you might run in to them again. Resist bad mouthing anyone. Resist crying in front of them. Remind your kid he was chosen and is good enough for this tournament. Just show up and play then go home.

+1

Whatever you do, make sure you outwardly come off as having a good attitude about this. Otherwise it could come back to bite later. If anyone tries the “oh I can’t believe your DD was cut…seems unfair, blah blah” make sure not to take the bait and vent. Even if they are genuine, anything you say in response will likely be repeated eventually. So just be careful.

My guess is people won’t really ask- it is so awkward for them as well. And they probably genuinely really like you and your DD- you sound great!! Try to talk about other things going on in your life besides sports, and ask people if they have any fun summer plans etc.

[Anonymous]

Longtime travel sports parent here (and have been through so many ups and downs, and times when I really was not thrilled but had to stay on good terms):

Can you bring a younger sibling along, your dog along, or invite family to join you or drive up just for the games if anything (a grandparent, your brother or whoever)? The first 2 provide a distraction and keep you a bit more occupied, and the last- people usually won’t ask anything awkward in front of a “stranger”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with just own it, and most probably wont ask. "He unfortunately didn't get a spot. Im not sure what our plans are for next year yet".

I don't know what sport this is, but I know its a small world and you might run in to them again. Resist bad mouthing anyone. Resist crying in front of them. Remind your kid he was chosen and is good enough for this tournament. Just show up and play then go home.

+1

Whatever you do, make sure you outwardly come off as having a good attitude about this. Otherwise it could come back to bite later. If anyone tries the “oh I can’t believe your DD was cut…seems unfair, blah blah” make sure not to take the bait and vent. Even if they are genuine, anything you say in response will likely be repeated eventually. So just be careful.

My guess is people won’t really ask- it is so awkward for them as well. And they probably genuinely really like you and your DD- you sound great!! Try to talk about other things going on in your life besides sports, and ask people if they have any fun summer plans etc.

OP here. Thanks all for the helpful remarks. I find the part about being careful not to vent an especially good reminder as I catch myself doing that with some people. Another parent and I definitely vented to each other during tryouts about the whole situation as it’s a terrible set up. We thought our kids would be in the same boat afterwards, but the other kid made it.

I’m not bitter about my child getting cut. My other kids have been cut or not made their desired team. It’s just never happened before the previous season was over.

It’s an out of town tournament staying at a team hotel, end of season gathering, etc. This group of parents is chatty. They asked how my kid was feeling during and right after tryouts, so I know they’ll ask again.

The whole family is going which is rare for us, but will provide excuses to not be social. It was to be one last weekend away paid for before a lay-off for one parent, job change for the other and ongoing health issues upended all summer plans. Kid’s sport has been a constant thru the turmoil. I recognize this also plays into my reaction as I feel on edge in general and don’t want to engage in typical small talk. I’ll try to just focus on the Caps!

[Anonymous]

You’ve already gotten good advice but just wanted to say this situation is pretty ridiculous….what on earth is the coach thinking!! Even if he wanted to do tryouts a week before the last tournament, he could’ve announced a week later the day AFTER the last tournament. What a terrible way to go about this….and not normal, IME

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve already gotten good advice but just wanted to say this situation is pretty ridiculous….what on earth is the coach thinking!! Even if he wanted to do tryouts a week before the last tournament, he could’ve announced a week later the day AFTER the last tournament. What a terrible way to go about this….and not normal, IME

It is unfortunately pretty common. It is however really awkward and unfortunate for the kids. We are in a similar situation with soccer. I am choosing not to attend some events and am just giving the non commital "we aren't sure what our plans are" when asked. Its such a flaw in youth sports!!

[Anonymous]

Life is tough. Deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child’s travel organization held tryouts for next year’s team (season starts in August) the week before my child’s team’s last tournament for this season. The team didn’t even practice, just had tryouts. For reasons irrelevant to my question, the organization combined ages and my child’s was the youngest birth year included (MS age). My child was cut along with at least 1 other from their current team. They are, of course, devastated. It’s an out of town tournament (went from fun to dreading) and will not have any team activities before the first game.

I’ve been friendly with the other parents. The kids have played together for multiple years. Questions will be asked: “how’s your kid doing?” “Plans for next year? etc.” I have no interest in answering them, but have to remain friendly. There’s not another travel program in our small town. My child still loves the sport and we will see them again. My child will probably tryout again next year. What are some lines that I can use where I don’t sound snarky while also not answering the questions?

I agree with the comments of just casually avoiding other parents at the tournament and not talking bad at all (maybe jot down generic things to talk about other than baseball. Or if parents do ask about your sons baseball plans, use that as an opportunity to ask them for suggestions - they may have good ones). You said that your child is the youngest in a combined age group. Which means that after next season - he will be the oldest/middle of the pack in age. If you both stay positive he should make the teamm next year.
Just take youth sports 1 season at a time. Find a new team (even with a slight commute) and work to play and get better. The new team may seem lower calibre, but your son can get alot out of being a top player on a team. Enjoy the new team and hopefully things work out next year.