Question on parent attachment

[Anonymous]

I have seen some tweens/teens or adults on the spectrum cling to their parents outside of home. They seem to be more emotionally (for emotional supports) and physically attached (eyes look for parents or touching) to their parents. Is there anything that parents can do our of love to help them gradually outgrow their needs of parents? I think it is a learning phase that I want to work on now. My tween son still attaches to me and sometimes asks me to stay next to his bed for a few minutes at night. He loves to hold my hands walking together outside, and I tell him other kids may laugh/tease at him seeing that. He lacks confidence, even teachers tell me that he needs many assurance that he is doing a great job. Is that all due to socially immature, lack of independence or lack of confidence behavior? Why is he always telling me that he misses me? I am with him almost 24/7 except he is at school.

[Anonymous]

Op here. He has HFA, ADHD and mainstream in school with IEP.

[Anonymous]

Age?

[Anonymous]

My kid is younger than yours, but my guess is that it has to do with missing social cues. They may not realize it’s “not cool” to hold your mom’s hand. My adhd/anxiety son is also very sensitive. They see the world differently and if they’re lucky, they have “safe people” who understand and nurture that. I understand why your instinct would be to protect him socially, developmentally and discourage it, but I don’t know - maybe it’s a gift and meet him where he is.

[Anonymous]

Tween is not so old.

I'd give him what he needs while also encouraging baby steps toward more independence.

What anxiety treatment is he getting? My anxious/autistic kid benefited more from meds than therapy.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old is very attached. He’ll grab for my hand. Wants to sit close.

He’s also very independent. He walks to the store by himself etc. We like this and encourage it.

Fill his bucket and give him what he needs emotionally and challenge him to take calculated risks to grow confidence and independence.

[Anonymous]

I have had students like this who are much more focused on their moms than others their age. I think at home you nurture your child, while trying to help them develop independence through thoughtful developmental tasks. I do think you need to teach age-appropriate social skills, like not holding mom’s hand in public. If you don’t explicitly teach, they won’t know.

[Anonymous]

Give him the comfort and safety he needs, OP. The world is hard for him. Continue being his safety.

[Anonymous]

I love this board. I thought it was just my ASD kid.