10 Year old keeps stealing

[Anonymous]

I’m looking for advice on how to address my 10 year old stealing. My 10 year old sometimes walks a block to the CVS near our house to get a snack while outside playing. The problem is that for at least the last 3 months she’s been stealing cash from me and DH to buy her snacks.

We have punished her multiple times by taking away all privileges but the behavior continues. We’ve talked about the importance of being honest.

Any advice on how to handle this?

[Anonymous]

First of all, you need to lock up the cash so she can’t get it. Then, she needs to pay you back twice the total of what she took, first to repay, then the doubled part as a fine. She can wash walls or scrub the kitchen floor for a dollar an hour until it’s paid back. I’d also take her to meet the manager of the CVS and tell that person that she’s not allowed in their store and to call you if they see her.

[Anonymous]

Have her earn money completing chores or tasks. Then, she can have her own spending money.

[Anonymous]

Does she have her own money? (Allowance or earnings?)

Do you restrict her food intake?

[Anonymous]

Why are you letting a 10 year old go to the store alone?

[Anonymous]

Stop letting her go to buy snacks.
Talk about the seriousness of theft and what can happen in the read world when you steal things.
If she steals again, take something of hers that she values.
Also, give her a chance to earn money if she doesn’t already.

I actually stole money from my Dad around the same age. We were so poor I never had money for anything. My friends did and I was embarrassed. I took a couple dollars here and here just so I would have money when I was with them. I got caught because he noticed.
I stopped obviously but it didn’t stop the feeling of never having money with my friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting a 10 year old go to the store alone?

Please be quiet. A 10 year old is beyond capable of going to a CVS alone to buy a snack. Go read The Anxious Generation.

[Anonymous]

It stinks, but you have to lock up the money. Don't leave your purse or wallet out, get a locking box.

Also, I would have something more connected to the theft than loss of privileges. Chores to work off the money owed are a good idea if you can implement that.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have her own money? (Allowance or earnings?)

Do you restrict her food intake?

OP here. She used to have allowance, but has been cut off from it since the stealing started.

I do not allow her to have junk food on a daily basis. I do allow it a few times a week. Her friends eat junk daily so she complains about it. Should I just allow her to eat whatever junk she wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It stinks, but you have to lock up the money. Don't leave your purse or wallet out, get a locking box.

Also, I would have something more connected to the theft than loss of privileges. Chores to work off the money owed are a good idea if you can implement that.

Good luck!

I have also enforced chores in addition to loss of privileges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have her own money? (Allowance or earnings?)

Do you restrict her food intake?

OP here. She used to have allowance, but has been cut off from it since the stealing started.

I do not allow her to have junk food on a daily basis. I do allow it a few times a week. Her friends eat junk daily so she complains about it. Should I just allow her to eat whatever junk she wants?

You’re going to get a range of answers here. “You’re starving her and will cause an eating disorder with your restrictions!” to “if you let her eat junk all the time you’re going to cause obesity!” I’ve struggled with this as someone with a scientific background in nutrition and health. People reduce it all down to weight—they think skinny equals healthy and fat equals unhealthy, so if their skinny kid eats junk it’s okay. Anyway, that’s a tangent. The focus here is that she’s lacking something and you have to figure out why she’s stealing from you to get the junk. Maybe she is hungry for something you’re not providing her or maybe she yearns to be just another kid who can have junk whenever. First, I think it’s helpful to define what “junk” means to you and your family. Everyone has different definitions. I wouldn’t punish her, but I would sit down and have serious talks about this. Talk about what she wishes, talk about your hopes for her and her health. Talk about why stealing is wrong and you know she’s a good person just made some not so great choices. Keep talking about it so you can figure out a balance between letting her have junk food every single day so she doesn’t feel the need to steal money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have her own money? (Allowance or earnings?)

Do you restrict her food intake?

OP here. She used to have allowance, but has been cut off from it since the stealing started.

I do not allow her to have junk food on a daily basis. I do allow it a few times a week. Her friends eat junk daily so she complains about it. Should I just allow her to eat whatever junk she wants?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Another troll post. So obvious.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Responding to PP. I have a nutrition background as well and health and wellness are important to me. I try to be balanced. I recognize we live in an unhealthy food culture so nothing will be perfect. So I’ve tried for a middle road of allowing junk 3-4 times a week.

I guess I could consider lifting any restrictions. I am concerned about the precedence this sets. I don’t want her to learn that she can act out in order to have rules lifted.

[Anonymous]

Move your cash. Stop making it accessible.