Timeline - widowed parent remarrying

[Anonymous]

Just curious what others have experienced. In my friend group, widowed dads married <2 years after their spouse died. Widowed moms seldom remarried.

[Anonymous]

My mom's mom died when my mom was 6. Her dad remarried when my mom was 8.

My dad's mom died when my dad was 20. His dad remarried when my daad was 23.

My grandma died in December '94. By the following spring my grandpa was seriously dating a woman. They maintained their separate residences and never married.

My grandpa (on the other side) died when I was 20. My grandma never dated or remarried.

My mother died in fall 2021. A year later my father asked my brother and me how we felt about him dating. We both gave our blessing, he dated two women, and is now with the second one. They maintain their separate residences and will not be getting married.

[Anonymous]

Not sure of your question's impetus but there are several answers.

First of all, at upper ages there are many more available women than there are men. It is also more acceptable and quite typical for men to marry women who are younger than they are rather than women in their direct age group.

For younger widows, they are often too busy raising children alone to have much time for serious dating. Their children become their sole priority (rightly so) and they are protective of anyone stepping over their threshold.

Thus you will find more widows who do not remarry.

As for widowers who do, I think it is common belief that many men simply do not do well alone. Especially if they've had a spouse for many years/decades. Therefore, they may go through a socially acceptable grieving period and will then find a woman who will fill the role as companion and caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Apparently this is a thing. Men want caretakers because they've never learned to care for themselves (cook, clean, nurse, etc, to the standards of their previous wives). Women, if they've lived that long, are financially independent and don't want to care for a man who will probably not be a good caretaker to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently this is a thing. Men want caretakers because they've never learned to care for themselves (cook, clean, nurse, etc, to the standards of their previous wives). Women, if they've lived that long, are financially independent and don't want to care for a man who will probably not be a good caretaker to them.

Women also tend to be more social so men find themselves lonelier without a companion.

[Anonymous]

"Most men are looking for a nurse or a purse."

--a friend's widowed mom

[Anonymous]

My husband was killed in a car accident when my kids were 1, 5, and 14. The 14 year old was from my husband's first marriage and I became her legal guardian after his death. As one poster stated upthread, I pretty much had my hands full raising small kids, restarting a career, and finding my own footing to seriously consider remarriage, had I found anyone who wanted to join my circus. As my nest started to empty I began dating a divorced guy who is happy in his single status, though we enjoy our time together. I have lots of friends and enjoy the company of my launching children.

For a number of years I was in an online support group. It did seem a lot of the men remarried, some fairly rapidly. Other men & women seemed pretty focused on dating & re-coupling. Of those who did (sometimes even meeting within the group), there were a fair number of separations/divorces, and some great success stories with blended families.

[Anonymous]

I think 2 years is about right. Most women I know don’t remarry unless they were young when widowed and want to have more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was killed in a car accident when my kids were 1, 5, and 14. The 14 year old was from my husband's first marriage and I became her legal guardian after his death. As one poster stated upthread, I pretty much had my hands full raising small kids, restarting a career, and finding my own footing to seriously consider remarriage, had I found anyone who wanted to join my circus. As my nest started to empty I began dating a divorced guy who is happy in his single status, though we enjoy our time together. I have lots of friends and enjoy the company of my launching children.

For a number of years I was in an online support group. It did seem a lot of the men remarried, some fairly rapidly. Other men & women seemed pretty focused on dating & re-coupling. Of those who did (sometimes even meeting within the group), there were a fair number of separations/divorces, and some great success stories with blended families.

I don't want to embarrass you, but you are a hero in my eyes. I was raised with no parents in my life, and your kind of devotion leads to my heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Most men are looking for a nurse or a purse."

--a friend's widowed mom

My mom is a widow has said almost exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Every man I know whose wife has died has remarried. Young and old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently this is a thing. Men want caretakers because they've never learned to care for themselves (cook, clean, nurse, etc, to the standards of their previous wives). Women, if they've lived that long, are financially independent and don't want to care for a man who will probably not be a good caretaker to them.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was killed in a car accident when my kids were 1, 5, and 14. The 14 year old was from my husband's first marriage and I became her legal guardian after his death. As one poster stated upthread, I pretty much had my hands full raising small kids, restarting a career, and finding my own footing to seriously consider remarriage, had I found anyone who wanted to join my circus. As my nest started to empty I began dating a divorced guy who is happy in his single status, though we enjoy our time together. I have lots of friends and enjoy the company of my launching children.

For a number of years I was in an online support group. It did seem a lot of the men remarried, some fairly rapidly. Other men & women seemed pretty focused on dating & re-coupling. Of those who did (sometimes even meeting within the group), there were a fair number of separations/divorces, and some great success stories with blended families.

I have three friends who lost their moms when their dads were in their young 50s. All three remarried women they met in supper groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently this is a thing. Men want caretakers because they've never learned to care for themselves (cook, clean, nurse, etc, to the standards of their previous wives). Women, if they've lived that long, are financially independent and don't want to care for a man who will probably not be a good caretaker to them.

My experience is the women are the ones who want to remarry. The men not at all but they go along with it.

[Anonymous]

Every widower I know was seriously dating within two years- and many much sooner. My friend’s dad lost his wife to cancer and ended up married to one of her nurses. The most interesting one was the dad of two young kids who came out as gay and was dating a man within 5 months of his wife’s death.