Likes the sport, but won’t engage during games

[Anonymous]

My 8yo daughter is on a rec team this spring and it’s pretty clear she’s the least into it. There are only 2 games left, but she’s just not trying. Little effort, not much engagement. She does fine at home and during practice, but in games she just kind of stands there, and it’s honestly painful to watch.

When I ask, she insists she likes it and that she is trying but also says no one passes to her. The thing is, she doesn’t look ready, so it makes sense they don’t. We’ve talked about it, but she mostly deflects. Her coach is kind, but there’s not much more she can do.

Part of me wonders if I should just pull her out and just be done, but I’m hopeful something will click eventually.

Has anyone had a kid in a similar situation and seen it turn around?

[Anonymous]

She's 8. Yes, give her time.

[Anonymous]

You finish out the commitment and let her try a different sport or activity next season. If she’s not into it she’s not into it.

[Anonymous]

My kid played in a similar way. Turns out she has ADD and has a difficult time paying attention. What her brain processes and what reality is seems to be two very different things.

My kid plays great if the coach engages her, but she drifts off if she is on the back of the line or the sideline for example.

I think it is a good sign that your kid thinks she is doing fine... positioning takes time, even 10 year olds in travel sports still struggle with good positioning.

Also, being accepted by her teammates is important and may contribute to her saying, "no one will pass to me."

We have a bully on our team and my DD plays very well until the Bully says some crap to her like, you have to run faster and don't just kick it! So, it might be a negative teammate interaction.

We spend a lot of time at home doing drills and extra training, which boosts her confidence. I also ask to the coach to have her included more due to the ADD.

And remember, if she is having fun, just tell her you love to watch her play!

[Anonymous]

I was this kid and thrived once I left field sports (soccer, lacrosse) for sports with defined roles for players (softball, volleyball). I I had no field sense and couldn’t handle the ambiguity of when to pass, when to shoot, when to run. I would pretty much freeze up or make an unforced error whenever I was near a ball.

[Anonymous]

She’s 8, so 2nd or 3rd grade? I found watching my kid play soccer at that age to be painful. She fully participated during practice, but liked to play defense and chat during the games. I had to resist the urge to tell her to keep an eye on the ball. FWIW, only 2-3 kids did consistently watch the ball at that age. Maybe around 4th grade, more kids were more focused?

Finishing out the season. Then when it’s time to sign up, ask your kid if they want to continue with X or try Y or Z. Assuming that the goal is some sort of active activity it doesn’t really matter what the sport/activity is as long as it works for your family/budget.

[Anonymous]

My kids is like that and the coach is like why don't you be a cheerleader? It makes me so mad!

[Anonymous]

Leave her alone if you don’t want her to start refusing to do the sport at all! She’s little so it may very well change but it’s probably not going to change by prodding her (and that risks damaging the relationship.

You would not expect a kid to love and be an enthusiastic musical theater participant just because you signed them up to ge in a musical because that’s just not for everyone-same for competitive team sports! Just be glad she’s getting exercise at practice.

[Anonymous]

She may be the least into it but if she likes it I'd have her keep playing. If she's mostly just frustrated she doesn't get the ball, you can practice with her in the yard. But at that age sports is about socialization and exercise and figuring out what you enjoy, not being the best kid on the team.
I would also try other sports, but keep this one too.

[Anonymous]

I also have an ADD kid that was like this. It was more painful to me than to her. I appreciate as a parent how hard this is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may be the least into it but if she likes it I'd have her keep playing. If she's mostly just frustrated she doesn't get the ball, you can practice with her in the yard. But at that age sports is about socialization and exercise and figuring out what you enjoy, not being the best kid on the team.
I would also try other sports, but keep this one too.

+1

This isn’t unusual behavior at age 8. I’d definitely encourage her to stick with it if she is having fun. But yes- give some other sports a try as well!

[Anonymous]

Also had an ADHD kid like this who finally stopped playing after fall of 5th grade - it moved to coed in our area, and it was not fun anymore, and she finally realized she didn't actually like playing soccer. I don't know why she kept playing before that. I think part of it is that she likes consistency so she just signed up every year. She was also on a very nice and inclusive team in 3rd-4th grades. But it was so painful to watch -she would just stand there in games. She has now found more success and happiness doing an individual sport.

There was a brief time in 4th grade when she entered the average band of players. Her coach put her as striker. She had always been in defense prior to that because it seemed " easiest" and she was not super coordinated or fast or good at dribbling. We were all surprised he tried her at striker, but she actually did decently! I think it helped because of all the positions, it was the easiest for her to figure out where she needed to be and what she needed to do.

On the other hand- I ended up pretty sporty but did not start sports until 4th grade (bball) and 5th grade (soccer), even though my parents encouraged me to sign up earlier. I know times have changed since then, but there is also time for growth and development if she wants to stick with it.

[Anonymous]

My ADHD kid falls further behind every year and can barely keep up at 13. The game is passing them by. They were a star at 6-8 years old, when it was all about individual skills and athleticism. What I learned is that I wish I had nudged them more toward individual sports where their athleticism alone would carry them - for example, tennis, swimming, and gymnastics. We're now encouraging track and xc for high school.

[Anonymous]

What sport? 8 is young for a lot of sports (lax, basketball, field hockey).
Definitely give some individual sports a try: swimming, track, GOTR etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ADHD kid falls further behind every year and can barely keep up at 13. The game is passing them by. They were a star at 6-8 years old, when it was all about individual skills and athleticism. What I learned is that I wish I had nudged them more toward individual sports where their athleticism alone would carry them - for example, tennis, swimming, and gymnastics. We're now encouraging track and xc for high school.

Thanks for this. I am one of the posters above and this thought keeps creeping into my head as she oddly likes bike riding and swimming and track. She can more easily focus on just what she has to do. She is in 5th now, but we will layer in some individual sports next year.