Want to get DC into an elite university?

[Anonymous]

Here's how you do it. Easier said than done, but this is the surest method out there.

Ideally, around when they start puberty, but certainly before high school starts, get them lifting weights. Hold your nose and spend the $1,000 on a power rack and weights. Set it up in your basement or garage. Get them squatting, deadlifting, and benchpressing 3 times a week. Also have them sprint 3x a week. If they do this for a year before highschool, they will be bigger/stronger/faster than 95% of the other kids trying out for whatever sport they want to do. They will probably make varsity. Throughout highschool make sure they continue this regimen. Only use positive encouragement, you do not want them to develop an eating disorder or have self image issues (some level of this is inevitable but far too many parents are too harsh).

Got that? Ok, step 2.

SAT/ACT prep. All the prep & practice tests they need are online for free, whether on Khan Academy or elsewhere. Make sure they practice atleast 2-3 hours a week, 1400+ is what you're shooting for. Again, positive encouragement only. Too much stress will harm their performance. Also- diet, protein, and sleep are as important for academics as they are for athletics. Feed them well and take their phone away 2 hours before bedtime.

The result should be that DC can play their sport at a T25 university. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

this is not a logical plan, and I feel so sorry for any child whose parent tortures them to try to fake being something they are not naturally.

[Anonymous]

Troll score: 2

[Anonymous]

Lol that first paragraph screams “tell me you didn’t play college sports without telling me you didn’t play college sports.”

[Anonymous]

Some readers here have trouble with parody detection.

[Anonymous]

I tried this but my DC didn't get recruited for fencing! What happened?