Kids who don’t have a spike or narrative

[Anonymous]

Is this even normal or healthy developmentally? For a teenager to have a carefully curated spike or narrative that’s the product of an expensive college counselor’s hame plan? Aren’t teenagers supposed to be trying different things and aren’t they just beginning to figure out what they like? I understand that a few scattered unrelated activities, a typical retail or food service job and maybe a couple awards won’t cut it for T-20’s in 2025, but what is all this doing to our kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this even normal or healthy developmentally? For a teenager to have a carefully curated spike or narrative that’s the product of an expensive college counselor’s hame plan? Aren’t teenagers supposed to be trying different things and aren’t they just beginning to figure out what they like? I understand that a few scattered unrelated activities, a typical retail or food service job and maybe a couple awards won’t cut it for T-20’s in 2025, but what is all this doing to our kids?

Great question and I agree 100%. Schools seem to want pointy kids who come together to create a well-rounded class. How many of these superstars actually continue those activities in college? I agree that it is important to show commitment to things, but being "very good" rather than "world class" should be fine if a kid is otherwise great.

At my top 10 school, even in the 90s, I remember initially not being happy as it took a while for all of the kids who were used to being the best to realize that not everyone can be the best and it is OK to take a step back and blend in. Pardon the non-PC term, but as we used to say, too many Indian chiefs, not enough Indians.

[Anonymous]

It’s creating mental health crises for the kids who get swept up in it. Sure some kids are naturally pointy. I highly doubt most are though. Nor that most kids naturally want to do EC that directly relate to what they plan to major in. Kids need to actually have time to be kids - especially while they have to cram so many APs in.

We’ll see how that works out next year though. DD is a dedicated (but not recruited) athlete, super active in band stuff, and does a couple other very time limited things. She is not aiming for Ivys but we’ll see re: her actual targets.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what your question is but I’ve got one kid with a strong “narrative” who landed at an Ivy and another who is less remarkable on paper but every bit as terrific a person and going to a nice but not tippy top state school. No parent curating, no college counselors, they figured out their own paths and we supported as we could. I’ve known lots of kids over the years who have ended up at t20 type schools without being heavily pushed by parents, it’s just who they are.

[Anonymous]

30 years ago, the “pointy” kids I knew didn’t aspire to the Ivies, state flagships and other T-10 type schools. Those attracted the “well-rounded” kids. The pointy kids who had an identifiable passion went to U Chicago, Oberlin, Wesleyan, Skidmore, etc.

[Anonymous]

Highly curated kids do well in the short term but jot in the long term. It's the attitude of parenrs wanting a top 5 or bust. I wouldn't worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Don't start looking at their activities until Feb of junior year. Then just see what connects what THEY'VE ALREADY DONE.

I promise you. The spike is already there. You don't need to manufacture anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what your question is but I’ve got one kid with a strong “narrative” who landed at an Ivy and another who is less remarkable on paper but every bit as terrific a person and going to a nice but not tippy top state school. No parent curating, no college counselors, they figured out their own paths and we supported as we could. I’ve known lots of kids over the years who have ended up at t20 type schools without being heavily pushed by parents, it’s just who they are.

No one is saying that all pointy kids are curated. There are definitely plenty of kids who do that naturally. But the obsession with this type of kid vs. the "well-rounded" kid is not cool. Having a specialty is great and should definitely be rewarded. But now it seems like that is the only way to get into top schools. And that is not cool. It is particularly ironic given that many of these schools encourage students to have a very well-rounded academic experience.

I am admittedly biased as a somewhat pointy person (who went to an Ivy+ school at least partially on the basis of being really good at math, though not off the charts) who is the parent of two not particularly pointy kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't start looking at their activities until Feb of junior year. Then just see what connects what THEY'VE ALREADY DONE.

I promise you. The spike is already there. You don't need to manufacture anything.

This. My 2025 kid has been spiky since elementary school (although didn't have the grades to be competitive for a highly rejective school because she was too spiky). My 2028 will have much better grades -- he's not as spiky but I'm confident he'll find a story to tell about the things he chooses to do without paying attention to college admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't start looking at their activities until Feb of junior year. Then just see what connects what THEY'VE ALREADY DONE.

I promise you. The spike is already there. You don't need to manufacture anything.

This. My 2025 kid has been spiky since elementary school (although didn't have the grades to be competitive for a highly rejective school because she was too spiky). My 2028 will have much better grades -- he's not as spiky but I'm confident he'll find a story to tell about the things he chooses to do without paying attention to college admissions.

How do you not have the grades for this reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what your question is but I’ve got one kid with a strong “narrative” who landed at an Ivy and another who is less remarkable on paper but every bit as terrific a person and going to a nice but not tippy top state school. No parent curating, no college counselors, they figured out their own paths and we supported as we could. I’ve known lots of kids over the years who have ended up at t20 type schools without being heavily pushed by parents, it’s just who they are.

No one is saying that all pointy kids are curated. There are definitely plenty of kids who do that naturally. But the obsession with this type of kid vs. the "well-rounded" kid is not cool. Having a specialty is great and should definitely be rewarded. But now it seems like that is the only way to get into top schools. And that is not cool. It is particularly ironic given that many of these schools encourage students to have a very well-rounded academic experience.

I am admittedly biased as a somewhat pointy person (who went to an Ivy+ school at least partially on the basis of being really good at math, though not off the charts) who is the parent of two not particularly pointy kids.

Eh, you could say the same thing about rigor: kids can’t get into highly selective schools without rigor in context of the HS. That’s not cool either. Taking FL far longer than preferred, taking AP Lang and Lit when interests don’t lie with both, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't start looking at their activities until Feb of junior year. Then just see what connects what THEY'VE ALREADY DONE.

I promise you. The spike is already there. You don't need to manufacture anything.

+1. My kid didn’t consciously set out to develop a story. When DD went to write her essays, the story emerged naturally given what she had done over her time in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't start looking at their activities until Feb of junior year. Then just see what connects what THEY'VE ALREADY DONE.

I promise you. The spike is already there. You don't need to manufacture anything.

This. My 2025 kid has been spiky since elementary school (although didn't have the grades to be competitive for a highly rejective school because she was too spiky). My 2028 will have much better grades -- he's not as spiky but I'm confident he'll find a story to tell about the things he chooses to do without paying attention to college admissions.

How do you not have the grades for this reason?

Because she was only interested in one specific thing and so didn't put in appropriate effort in other classes.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it does not feel developmentally appropriate or genuine to expect a 17 year-old kid to have a well-defined narrative. We had a lot of strife about this during the application process for our truly well-rounded kid who could tell a million stories about themselves that were semi-true. It worked out in the end, but it was a struggle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it does not feel developmentally appropriate or genuine to expect a 17 year-old kid to have a well-defined narrative. We had a lot of strife about this during the application process for our truly well-rounded kid who could tell a million stories about themselves that were semi-true. It worked out in the end, but it was a struggle

I have an ultra focused kid who does a lot of everything. He is super focused and always was. The counselor just helps organize and present better. We will see if the outcome turns out well for us. My kid may have been the type to have everything and get shut out. We don’t mind spending the money to helps his odds.