How to transition what I call my in-laws
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Anonymous
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I’ve been married to my husband for16 years. I’ve always called my in-laws “mom and dad” - per their insistence.
In the past few years, the relationship with my in-laws has become contentious and difficult. It actually makes me feel very sad to call them mom and dad. To name a few major issues: they have different political beliefs, they have become manipulative, and they lost money we lent them. I would prefer to start calling them by their first names, as a healthy boundary I need in my life, without unnecessary drama. How do I ease into this “name calling” transition? |
Anonymous
| Just don't call them anything at all. And never "lend" money - give it or don't. Never expect anyone to pay you back. |
Anonymous
| They have first names - use them. |
Anonymous
No more responses needed. Thread closed. |
Anonymous
| Op here- easier said than done!! I anticipate the calling by the first names is going to start a whole other layer of drama. |
Anonymous
| Don’t call them anything. |
Anonymous
| Just call them nothing or their names if you can’t avoid it. I wouldn’t have called them mom and dad in the first place. |
Anonymous
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Just use their first name.
With my own parents I slip back and forth between "mom and dad" and their first names. It depends on the context -- you're an adult, talk to them as another adult. |
Anonymous
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Do you have kids? If so, start calling them what your kids call them. In your mind you will be using air quotes.
If no kids, then come up with “fun nicknames” that you use as a joke at first. If you can’t think of fun nicknames, go generic. You can easily convert one of them to “Captain” or similar, and the other one to something generic. |
Anonymous
This is really great and helpful advice. Thank you. |
Anonymous
| You can try not to address them directly as often. Bonus is not being alone with them. So you address more to DH: "As I was telling your mother" or the kids: "Grandma would like to" and to the ILs as "you." But I would not make a big statement or start calling by first names. Too much drama. |
Anonymous
| Same situation here. I either do not refer to them by name at all or, if I must, I call them what my kids do, grandpa and grandma. |
Anonymous
| Who cares about their political views. You never lend money expecting to get it back. |
Anonymous
| i didn't call mine anything until they got their grandparent names. then i called them their grandparent names. they are not my mom and dad. |
Anonymous
| You want boundaries? Call them "Mr. Lastname" and "Ms. Lastname." |