Perfect but been divorced
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Anonymous
| I’ve been seeing a really wonderful guy. I like him a lot and definitely can see this turning into something very serious. He’s divorced and my friends keep hammering on about it. They asked me if I’m really serious about him because he is divorced and that means he doesn’t value marriage. He’s also a bit older than me by 6 years. I disagree but I admit it does worry me a little that he married and got divorced so quickly. Is his past divorce a nothing burger or should I worry about commitment? |
Anonymous
| Stop oversharing with your dimwit friends. |
Anonymous
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Every divorce is different.
Find out his story and decide if it contains red flags. It is your life, not your friends. |
Anonymous
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Lots of people divorce, for lots of reasons. Reasons first marriage could have failed that you might give him a pass on:
Adultery Financial infidelity Mental illness Drug or alcohol addiction Youthful folly Differing values that were not exposed before the marriage etc. You don't say why he divorced before. Do you know why? |
Anonymous
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It depends. My first marriage ended in divorce after 8 years. My second marriage has been going strong for 18 years.
You might have met someone like me. Or you might have met someone like my ex who’s been married and divorced twice since and is now looking for spouse #4. |
Anonymous
He was married at 28 and divorced by 30. Said all his friends were doing it and the girl he married wanted marriage. He realize 6 months into the marriage he didn’t want to stay married and then got divorced. |
Anonymous
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I have a cousin who got married at 22 and divorced at 27 (no kids). He remarried at 30 and had a child at 35, and has been happily married for more than 30 years. I think he and first wife married before they really knew what they wanted to do with their lives and what they wanted in a life partner. At 22, they were madly in love, but didn’t have realistic ideas of what marriage would be like.
I got married more than 25 years ago to someone who was an extremely good fit for me. We were very compatible and on the same page for many years. Then he had a midlife crisis and became a totally different person. He no longer wanted to be a devoted family man. Instead of coming home after work to his wife and children, he wanted to go out drinking with younger coworkers. Then he decided he missed the feeling of falling in love with someone new and wanted to explore new relationships. We’re getting divorced because he is no longer interested in monogamy or actively parenting his children on a daily basis. My values and behavior didn’t change. I still respect the institution of marriage. It’s unfair to judge me based on my marital status. I can’t force my husband to stay married to me and raise our children. |
Anonymous
How long ago was that? |
Anonymous
| Oh and nobody is perfect op. |
Anonymous
I think that's fine. I have two girlfriends who did the same thing. Social pressure is strong at that age. As long as there are no kids you get a do over. Both married again and had kids in their 30s with their new husbands who are infinitely better fits for them and no signs of divorce 10 plus years later. This is one of the lowest divorce drama situations you can have. |
Anonymous
5 years ago. |
Anonymous
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No, it's fine. How conservative is your friend group that this is an issue? I'm surprised. Divorce is so common, often for the reasons you describe. My close friends and I have never been divorced, but for us divorce is not anathema. It can happen to good people.
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Anonymous
This does not sound bad at all. Your friends are idiots |
Anonymous
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How did you not think your friends were crazy for saying that? Mine would have never said anything like that.
Also, why not just date him for now. Where's the rush. |
Anonymous
What do you mean “got divorced so quickly?” His divorce took a few months to complete or he was young/married on a couple years? What? |