Child is angry at me for divorce

[Anonymous]

DC’s father walked out on the marriage during an extended mental health episode that involved delusions about me hurting him and persecuting him. I tried to attend couples counseling with him but he had split to a degree that the (multiple) counselors we saw recommended separation. It was very painful for me not to be able to salvage the marriage. Post divorce I have moved on and am much happier now that I am not being yelled out and emotionally abused by someone who was mentally ill.

My elder DC is 11. He is very angry about the divorce. He does not know the details but he knows it was his dad’s decision. He however yells and takes out his anger on me, even though this is something that I had no control over. He gets very mean says he doesn’t want to be with anyone in the family anymore. I get that he’s just a child and struggling, but this is hard for me to hear after what I’ve been through.

[Anonymous]

Has he had counseling?

[Anonymous]

Oops sorry pressed return too soon. I am trying to get therapy for him but the counselor so far has availability only on XH days and XH has blocked the scheduling. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Find a different therapist who has availability on your days. Come on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a different therapist who has availability on your days. Come on!

He doesn’t want talk therapy. He tried it and it didn’t work. He is willing to try a special kind of therapy and there’s only one in our area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC’s father walked out on the marriage during an extended mental health episode that involved delusions about me hurting him and persecuting him. I tried to attend couples counseling with him but he had split to a degree that the (multiple) counselors we saw recommended separation. It was very painful for me not to be able to salvage the marriage. Post divorce I have moved on and am much happier now that I am not being yelled out and emotionally abused by someone who was mentally ill.

My elder DC is 11. He is very angry about the divorce. He does not know the details but he knows it was his dad’s decision. He however yells and takes out his anger on me, even though this is something that I had no control over. He gets very mean says he doesn’t want to be with anyone in the family anymore. I get that he’s just a child and struggling, but this is hard for me to hear after what I’ve been through.

What were you doing that caused him to think that?

[Anonymous]

You get counseling for yourself and learn how to deal with the tough reality you’re in.

Your son needs a place to vent, and in some ways it’s gotta be you. However, there is a way to navigate this through this phase. Which it what this is and it will pass. Play and trust the long game.

First, make sure you are dealing with the anger you’re holding onto at your ex. What other emotions are you also holding on to?

Don’t take your son’s anger personally. He’s 11, he doesn’t know and won’t until he’s older. You are the adult. Remember that.

Self-care, self-care; self-care.

I’ve been there as a child to my mother and I’m going through it now with the demise of my marriage. We’re not strong because we want to be.

[Anonymous]

Boys will want to go with their dad. If he is being forced to live with you, then it won't end well.

At the very least, there should be 50/50 custody for him, if not 80/20 with his dad.

[Anonymous]

You take him on your days. You want the therapy, you take him. The issues are with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys will want to go with their dad. If he is being forced to live with you, then it won't end well.

At the very least, there should be 50/50 custody for him, if not 80/20 with his dad.

What? No this isn’t true.

[Anonymous]

Ex DH has "delusions about me hurting him and persecuting him."
Child has incorrect ideas that you hurt him and are responsibly at fault. With yelling.

Is it possible child should have a neurological evaluation to rule out hereditary mental health issue?

[Anonymous]

Do family equine therapy (just you and your son)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys will want to go with their dad. If he is being forced to live with you, then it won't end well.

At the very least, there should be 50/50 custody for him, if not 80/20 with his dad.

What? No this isn’t true.

Denial of reality is why you are in this situation.

Do you keep denying reality and digging deeper is the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do family equine therapy (just you and your son)

This is what I’m looking for, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do family equine therapy (just you and your son)

Sort of like that Robert Redford movie!