When do your tell close fiends someone close to you (but they don't know well) died?

[Anonymous]

Someone close died. How long do you wait to tell your own close friends who aren't close to that person?

Hours? Days?

Don't want to spin up their emotions and blow up their work day.

[Anonymous]

If they weren’t close to the person who died you won’t spin up emotions or blow up their work day.

[Anonymous]

So your Aunt Mary died and you want to tell all your BFFs? Why?

If it impacts plans (can't make pickleball, Jan, my Aunt Mary died) - then let them know as reasonable.

If you just want attention because your Aunt Mary died.... IDK post on Facebook or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they weren’t close to the person who died you won’t spin up emotions or blow up their work day.

+1. I would mention is when it was natural to do, when were chatting or texting normally. I wouldn't expect it to make them emotional or anything, though. I was on the other end of this recently when a friend's sister passed away. She told me, and we talked about it. I felt bad for her, but it didn't interrupt my life significantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your Aunt Mary died and you want to tell all your BFFs? Why?

If it impacts plans (can't make pickleball, Jan, my Aunt Mary died) - then let them know as reasonable.

If you just want attention because your Aunt Mary died.... IDK post on Facebook or something?

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind next time I'm a
psychopath.

[Anonymous]

In the evening within a day or two. Close friends want to support and you might need it.

[Anonymous]

I let my 4 closest friends know within a few hours after my MIL died, I certainly would do the same if my parents or brother died.

[Anonymous]

When my mother died suddenly, I was completely shocked and actually didn't tell anyone. I attended her funeral service via Zoom on one computer while working on my other computer. It took me over a month (maybe a few) to tell anyone. My mother was a fiercely private person and I struggled with the idea of answering "how did she die?"

[Anonymous]

Why would your friends emotions be spun up? They don’t even know this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my mother died suddenly, I was completely shocked and actually didn't tell anyone. I attended her funeral service via Zoom on one computer while working on my other computer. It took me over a month (maybe a few) to tell anyone. My mother was a fiercely private person and I struggled with the idea of answering "how did she die?"

This is really sad. Are you ok?

[Anonymous]

Idk that I'd tell people at all. The friends that matter to me live far. They might not find out unless they ask when we talk months later.

[Anonymous]

As soon as it feels right for me, for my own mental health and need for a kind word of condolence. No one's day is getting destroyed because of that news, OP.

My friends have mentioned such events, and I say all the right things. The last event was a mother and daughter lost in the Potomac crash: they were returning from an ice-skating thing. I knew them peripherally and had spent time in their house. I felt sad... but I continued with my day, picked up my kids from school, had dinner, went to bed, slept (badly).

[Anonymous]

If you are struggling with grief get counseling. Let your friends know, but don’t call them at work or treat it like an emergency.

[Anonymous]

It won’t “spin anyone’s emotions” if they didn’t know the person. What?

That said, if you tell them at 2 p.m. on a work day, don’t expect them to drop everything and be available for long phone calls or to bring over a casserole.

[Anonymous]

Depends on what kind of close this person is to you. A grandparent that you were close with that they had never met but knew meant a great deal to you? I would tell them pretty quickly. An aunt who you saw a few times a year and had a typical familial relationship with? Wouldn't be in a rush.

I'm a pretty private person. When my dad died , I called my closest friends within a few hours (he died at 1am so I waited until people were up for the day). For other family members that I wasn't as close to, I'd mention it when we talked. I just don't really need or want a whole lot of emotional support in those situations.