Would you let your teens drive 7 hours on the highway?

[Anonymous]

Please be gentle, I lost two dear relatives in a terrible car crash a few years ago, and so I worry more than may be warranted.

I'm on a college tour with my 17 year old and his younger sibling. We've seen the colleges, and are now about 7 hours away at my elderly mother's, where things are not right. It's clear I need to stay for a while and sort out moving her to a higher level of care.

But my 17 year old has a commitment tomorrow morning that he can't miss. The plan was to drive back tonight. I feel like my options would be to have him drive back, with his sibling, and then I'll fly back in a few days, or he flies back tonight and I drive back in a few days. I'd prefer the former, but I'm not sure about sending kids this age on the road for so long.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Daytime yes. Nighttime with what sounds like not familiar roads? I would try to fly him.

[Anonymous]

Have they ever driven on the highway alone before? How much of the highway driving is DC type traffic? If they are say driving from somewhere like Ohio to the far out suburbs of DC then I would probably let them drive but would plan out stops with them for every 2 hours.
If the highway drive is something like Boston to DC along 95 then my teen would be on a plane/train.

[Anonymous]

I would have them fly. Seven hours is a long drive for anyone. What the longest trip they’ve done alone?

[Anonymous]

Fly him back. I would not want siblings together. Imagine an accident if the driver survives and his siblings doesn't, the guilt.

It'll probably take more than a couple of days to get your mom straight. I'd drive home, do research, make calls, set up appointments, come back in a week or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fly him back. I would not want siblings together. Imagine an accident if the driver survives and his siblings doesn't, the guilt.

It'll probably take more than a couple of days to get your mom straight. I'd drive home, do research, make calls, set up appointments, come back in a week or so.

This makes sense to me. If it’s not urgent you stay with her tonight, I’d plan to return (even later this week) to focus on her.

[Anonymous]

No way. He needs to fly.

My oldest had ADHD and I've seen what he can do behind the wheel. He knows not to drive long distances, and he knows he needs to take his ADHD meds before he starts. Also no driving at night, because he can't take his meds at night (unless he wants an entirely sleepless night afterward). But even my younger kids, with no diagnosis, wouldn't be able to safely drive for 7 hours.

I mean, heck, I don't want to drive for 7 hours!

[Anonymous]

No, I'd put them on a train or plane or drive back and return.

[Anonymous]

That would be hard no for me. My 17 y/o DS has a pretty good head on his shoulders, shows maturity in a lot of ways, but I am not comfortable with the way he drives.

We drove 3 hours x2 (round trip) for a college visit this past week. He wanted to drive alone with a friend but we said no, we'd go with them because 6 hours + 4 hours at our destination is a lot in one day.

This was my first time with him on an interstate. He drove pretty well, but too fast for my comfort (80+mph at one point) and also he follows too closely to cars in front of him. When we question him, tell him to knock it off, he digs in and acts as though we are being overly-cautious.

Also we stopped to charge our vehicle and when he returned to the car he had no interest in driving the remainder of the way. I'm pretty sure he was just tired of driving/focusing. He and friend sat in the back and goofed off like teenagers do for the remainder of the trip. Also, he had no interest in driving back, saying he was too tired. All of this shows my kid is not ready yet for long drives on the interstate.

So I guess I'd ask, have you driven with him on an interstate before for multiple hours? Does he drive like a mature person and not like a typical teen who takes unnecessary risks due to prefrontal cortex not being fully developed? Even so, if he's a cautious driver, I'd still not want him to drive at night.

Difficult decision -

[Anonymous]

My teen has driven 4 hours to/from my parents several times, but always with me as a passenger. I’m comfortable with her driving. And I’d still probably fly her home in this situation because it’s a long trip, your DS may not have driven the roads much, and there is a younger sibling involved. And that doesn’t even account for any worry about you, his grandmother, etc.

Assuming your mother will be ok for a few more days I’d also consider going home myself so that I can get more clothes, pick up anything I might need, make some arrangements, etc. before returning for a longer stay.

I hope everything works out for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Haha. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would be hard no for me. My 17 y/o DS has a pretty good head on his shoulders, shows maturity in a lot of ways, but I am not comfortable with the way he drives.

We drove 3 hours x2 (round trip) for a college visit this past week. He wanted to drive alone with a friend but we said no, we'd go with them because 6 hours + 4 hours at our destination is a lot in one day.

This was my first time with him on an interstate. He drove pretty well, but too fast for my comfort (80+mph at one point) and also he follows too closely to cars in front of him. When we question him, tell him to knock it off, he digs in and acts as though we are being overly-cautious.

Also we stopped to charge our vehicle and when he returned to the car he had no interest in driving the remainder of the way. I'm pretty sure he was just tired of driving/focusing. He and friend sat in the back and goofed off like teenagers do for the remainder of the trip. Also, he had no interest in driving back, saying he was too tired. All of this shows my kid is not ready yet for long drives on the interstate.

So I guess I'd ask, have you driven with him on an interstate before for multiple hours? Does he drive like a mature person and not like a typical teen who takes unnecessary risks due to prefrontal cortex not being fully developed? Even so, if he's a cautious driver, I'd still not want him to drive at night.

Difficult decision -

If he was driving 80 or unsafely, you should have had him pull over and change drivers.

[Anonymous]

Drive everyone home. You go back prepared. If she can't be left alone, diaper her up and take her home too.

[Anonymous]

Unless she truly can't be left alone for a day, I'd drive everyone back and then come back on Monday. I also think you may be a little bit naive to the process of moving her to a higher level of care if you're just noticing it is needed. It is not going to take just a couple days.

[Anonymous]

Are you insane? Hell no.